Happy Holidays, blueeyedtigress!, Part IV

[waxbean.livejournal.com]

NO WAY!

“Aaarggh!”

“Oh goodness, you startled me.”

Death grinned. Of course the default expression for a skull is a grin, but this one made you feel that he meant it.

I KNOW. IT WAS VERY AMUSING.

“If you have anything to say, say it and leave,” said Crowley. “I don’t have time for riddles.”

HOW ARE YOU GETTING ON?

“You know we’re not doing well,” said Aziraphale. “We don’t know where it’s gone.”

THAT IS STRANGE. DOES NOT A DOG ALWAYS RETURN TO ITS MASTER?

“Well it isn’t here, is it?” said Crowley testily. "Unless it's hiding in the bathroom."

YOU ARE NOT ITS MASTER. NOT ANYMORE. NOW THAT IT IS IN ITS TRUE FORM, IT WILL ONLY ANSWER TO ITS TRUE MASTER. AND THAT IS NEITHER OF YOU.

“Then who?”

They looked at each other, clarity dawning at precisely the same moment.

“Adam!”

***

Pepper woke up around early afternoon and winced. Last night had been ‘Pound-per-pint-Thursday’, although that name was deceiving. It wasn’t just pints that were a pound, but all drinks.

Fresher’s fortnight was loads of fun, but hell on the liver.

Adam was looking down on her, smiling, “Hello, you.”

It was nice to be able to stay in bed as long as they wanted, without having to be careful of Adam’s parents walking in, (“What am I going to do with you, boy? Do you practically live to torment me? What will the neighbours say?”), or her mum, (“What have told you about boys? Aren’t I proof enough that they’re only after one thing? No of course I wouldn’t take you back, you silly girl! I just want you to learn from my mistakes – you have your whole life ahead of you. Why would you want to go waste it? Of course I don’t mean that you ruined my life? You’re just putting words in my mouth.”).

It was good to just be able to lie there and do whatever, instead of scrambling for clothes and waiting for the best time to sneak down the stairs or weighing up whether it’s better to just climb out the window. Or for Adam to have to stumble out of bed at some obscenely early hour (anytime before 10) to walk Dog. Or have Brian and Wensley come over which made her feel guilty over having the best of Adam.

In a way, she was glad that Wensley and Brian didn’t come with them. Wensley went to Oxford, of course, because no-one could expect him to turn down Oxford after all. And Brian had been unhappy enough with doing A levels. He balked at the mention of university. It had been sad, but she had felt a certain relief. Their foursome had started splintering since they were sixteen – but this way they could get some much needed space and still stay best friends.

“What are you thinking?” Adam asked.

“It’s odd without Wens and Brian.”

“We could skip the party on Saturday and go home for the weekend. They’ll still be there – Wens doesn’t start until next week. Ha! He only has a fresher’s week not a fortnight!”

“That’s not what I meant. I was thinking that it’s odd that I don’t miss them that much.”

“That is – not that odd, I guess,” he said thoughtfully. Adam didn’t take to change very well. If he could have helped it they would have all stayed together. Pepper figured that it meant he’d grown up when he’d agreed that they all should let go and move on. But she knew how hard it was for him.

“How come you never get hung-over?” she complained, in an attempt to change the subject.

“I guess I can hold my drink better than you can.”

“You’re sure you’re not doing that thing again? Because that would be meddling with your insides.”

Adam put his hand over his heart and grimaced in a parody of horror. “Would I do that? You wound me, Pepper. Wound me!”

She kicked him playfully. “Oh, you know you would.” He grabbed her leg and dragged her down.

“I’ll mess with your insides,” he growled and then tickled her mercilessly.

She shrieked and wriggled, trying to get away. “Stop it. God, Adam, you are so evil!”

It ended as most of their play-fights did. It was actually how they’d started.

Afterwards, they lay together quietly, his head tucked under her chin. She liked being able to do that. When did they ever get time in Tadfield?

“Pep?”

“Hmm?”

“You know I love you, yeah?”

She sat up. Adam wasn’t usually given to professions of love. “What’s up?”

“Nothing’s up. Why would anything be up? Can’t I tell my girlfriend I love her without anything being up?”

“Anyone else, maybe. Not you.” She glared at him. “Well?”

“It’s just – ok, here’s the thing. I want you to be with me, right – but I wouldn’t ever make you be with me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I might make my hangovers go away sometimes. But I wouldn’t make you stay with me if you didn’t want to. I don’t do that anymore.”

“Hey, I trust you!”

“Good. And you love me too?”

She giggled. “Yes, you git.”

“And you want to stay with me forever and ever even if you don’t have to and are completely free to walk away whenever you so choose?”

“Yes, you soppy idiot, now move a bit, my leg’s going to sleep.”

He grinned and swung his legs off the bed.

“Hey come back here! What was all that about forever and ever.”

“Pep, as tempting as staying in bed all day with you is, I need the loo. Try not to miss me too much!”

She threw a pillow at him.

She sighed and decided that she might as well get up as well. Her head didn’t feel so bad now.

“Hydration,” she muttered. “That’s what I need. And possibly a fry up.”

She switched on the tv (some good did come out of Adam generally getting whatever he wanted) while she put her clothes on. It was almost time for Neighbours, anyway.

She looked up with mild surprise when they interrupted this program to bring her a special breaking news report and slowly straightened up with horror, leaving half her buttons undone.

“Adam!” she screamed. “Get out here now. There’s something you have to see.”

***

“Sweet zombie Jesus, I should have remembered that you can’t read a map to save your life!”

“Crowley! That was completely uncalled for!”

“I’m having a good time-”

“We’re lost. We’re well and truly lost.”

“Well, maybe if you hadn’t been fiddling with that radio and missed our exit!”

“I’m a shooting star leaping through the sky-”

“You should have warned me!”

“I did!”

“Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity-”

“You did not! You said that our exit would be coming up soon, not in five bloody seconds!”

“It was not - why don’t you let me drive and you can read the map.”

“I’m a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva-”

“You can’t drive, Angel!”

“Well you do it, how hard can it be?”

“I’m gonna go, go, go there’s no stopping me-”

“Come on, Aziraphale, where’s your goodwill to all men gone to now. Or maybe you don’t think I’m a man?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. And you’re not a man. What are you doing? This is no time to dance!”

“I’m burning through the sky, yeah-”

“I’m not dancing you idiot, my phone’s ringing. Oh fuck, it’s Adam. He must have heard. You answer it.”

“What? Why should I answer your phone?”

“Two hundred degrees, that’s why they call me Mr Fahrenheit-”

“Because I’m driving!”

“That’s never stopped you before!”

“I’m travelling at the speed of light-”

“You know what? I agree with the song. Let me show you what this baby can really do.”

“What?”

“I’m gonna make a supersonic man out of you-”

“Bet your little golden halo I am. Hold tight Angel!”

“What are you – for heaven’s sake slow down!”

“Don’t stop me now!”

***

“Bugger and crap with a cherry on top! He’s not picking up, Adam”

They’d been trying for the last half hour, but she could not get hold of Aziraphale.

“No luck with Crowley either,” muttered Adam darkly.

“What do you suppose they’re up to?”

“I don’t know. But they’d better have a fucking good explanation for this.”

***

“Terinael, remind me again of why we are lugging this beast half way across the country like a couple of manual labourers?”

“We need to reunite this little fellow with his true master. It’s only fair don’t you think.”

“Little fellow? That’s something of an understatement, don’t you think?”

“Look, just trust me on this one, ok?”

Ulthar grabbed the steering wheel of the moving van they were in, making them swerve off the road.

Terinael squawked, knocked him off and slammed on the breaks. “What is wrong with you?”

“I just think it’s curious that you are so reluctant to give up any information. You

can’t seriously believe that I would simply sit back and give you a free reign, do you?”

Terinael sighed. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Then I suggest you talk quickly.”

“Fine. In brief. Here’s the thing,” Terinael huffed testily. “Something should have happened seven years ago, and thanks to those two trouble makers, it didn’t. The hellhound should have been the trigger. It wasn’t. Because its shape was altered somehow before it met the Boy. So if confronted with what he should have been confronted with earlier… all I’m saying is it could be a chance to put things right.”

“Well why didn’t you say so in the first place?”

Terinael shrugged. “I like my cards close to my chest.”

“And why did we have to wait until they left to see the Boy?”

“Because I doubt that the Boy will be susceptible. If think we might have to give him a little nudge.”

“And what does this have to do with Crowley and his angel friend?”

“The two musketeers? They’re plan B.”

“How so?”

“Well,” Terinael grinned, “Let me tell you about the rumours that I’ve been hearing.”

***

Around four o’ clock in the afternoon, Adam’s head snapped up. “I think they’re here. We’d better go and meet them before they disappear again.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve been listening,” he said. And then he was quiet until they reached what they called the Sciences.

They heard Crowley and Aziraphale before they saw them. They were bickering over a University guide book.

“Are you even sure that this is the right university?”

“Shut up, angel. I just need to figure out which residence he’s in. What do you reckon? I think Cryfield sounds about right.”

“Actually,” said Adam. “It’s Rootes.”

Crowley slapped his forehead and laughed. “Rootes. Of course it is. What else would it be?”

“What have you done to my dog?”

“Can we sit down, somewhere?” said Aziraphale. “I think this might take a while.”

***

“Right,” said Adam tersely. “And what do you expect me to do about it?”

“Well you can stop it, can’t you?” said Crowley. “It’s your hellhound.”

“I gave him to you. You’re his masters now. I said to him - you do what they say. And obviously he did.”

They were sitting in the little café under the library. Pepper thought it was funny how she had spent quite a lot of time in there over the past week but no time at all in the library itself. She supposed that things would change once fresher’s fortnight was over and Uni started properly. It was empty right now. Pepper figured everyone was recovering from the night before.

“Well it should have returned to its master once it had finished. It hasn’t come back to us,” said Aziraphale.

“Do you see him around here. You turned him into a monster. You undo it.”

“People have died -”

“And you expect me to fix all your messes? Don’t you get it? Not meddling means not meddling. If I’m not to use my - my powers then I can’t use them at all. That’s how it goes.”

“Look, kid,” said Crowley testily. “This isn’t Alcoholics Anonymous or something. You really can quit it at any point.”

“And how do you know?”

“Adam…” began Pepper.

“No. I won’t. You sort out your own messes. I came here to get away from everything. I can’t!”

He ran out of the café, the door slamming behind him.

“Great,” said Crowley. “Now what do we do?”

“I’ll talk to him,” said Pepper. “He gets like this sometimes. He needs to take responsibility for some things.”

As they left the café, the cashier came with them and locked the door. “Have a good evening,” she said pleasantly and went on her way.

“Just wait here,” Pepper told them. “I’ll be back soon, with Adam I hope. We’ll figure this out somehow I guess.”

Crowley was looking around. “What building is this?” he asked.

“This is Sciences,” she said. “That side’s chemistry, which leads onto engineering - that’s connected to the Library on this side of the road by the covered bridge, and the library leads on to Physics.”

“So how do you get in?”

“Through Engineering or the Library? Why is this important?”

“Dunno, have a feeling that’s all.”

“I’ll be going then,” she said.

“Thank you,” Aziraphale said pleasantly. “You’re being very understanding.”

She missed the moving van by a fraction of a second. If she’d seen it, it might have saved a lot of trouble later.

***

It was Aziraphale who saw the van.

“Get down!” he hissed and dragged Crowley behind a bush.

“What for?”

“Can’t you feel that?”

When he concentrated, Crowley realised he could feel it. It was demonic and whatever it was it was large.

Two people got out of the van and went round the back. The short one who Crowley recognised as Ulthar carried an axe. The taller one, who looked very much like an angel, had a sword.

Aziraphale bristled. “Is that my sword?”

Crowley grabbed his arm. “Easy tiger, lets see what they’re up to.”

“This should be alright,” said Ulthar.

“What about the students?”

Ulthar sighed and consulted his clipboard. “Term doesn’t start properly for another week. This is just to settle the new ones in. This place should be clear. Look it’s all locked.”

“Very well,” said the other. He opened the back of the truck and nodded at Ulthar who ran up the steps to Engineering and opened the doors. The lock wasn’t much of a problem.

“Come,” said the other angel, imitating Adam’s voice perfectly.

The hellhound trotted out obediently.

“Now go inside. And kill anything that comes in there.”

Once Dog was inside, Ulthar slammed the door shut and clapped a much bigger padlock on the door. “One of these days you’re going to have to tell me where you got that sedative. Worked a charm. But I must say. I’d be worried if we hadn’t got these.”

“Hmm,” said the angel, “We cut it pretty close. I doubt it’ll last another half hour. And even these wouldn’t do you much good then.”

“Ah me,” said Ulthar. “It’s a good thing we have me for time-keeping then.”

“Indeed. Now should we split up and find a temporary resting place for them? We shall reconvene as planned.”

“No time like the present, is what I always say,” said Ulthar cheerily.

“To each his own?” whispered Aziraphale.

“No,” hissed Crowley. “You take mine, I’ll take yours. This way we can say we were thwarting the enemy.”

“Do you think that will work?”

“It’s better than the alternative, besides, you could quite happily be guilt tripped by a superior angel into confessing all your sins.”

“I’m not that bad!”

“We don’t have time. Look, hurry up. Try and get that axe and meet me back here ASAP, ok?”

“Fine,” whispered Aziraphale. “Good luck.”

Crowley followed the other angel to a block of residential buildings. The sign post said “Arthur Vick.”

Wonderful, he thought, I don’t even get to see the famous Rootes after all that.

He waited a couple of minutes after the door swung closed and then unlocked it. (With his mind, not a key) He could hear the angel talking further down. It sounded like he was using a mobile phone.

“… well that’s the best case scenario… to be honest I don’t think the Boy will be persuaded… well, at least worth a shot… yes, well, I don’t think Aziraphale will be able to stop himself… oh come now, we’re not talking just an angry dog here, we have a barghest! A hellhound… have you seen what one can do? … yes, I suppose not… even if he does survive, I should still have enough to make a case against him…”

Crowley stiffened when he heard Aziraphale’s name. This didn’t sound good. The angel walked into a room that said it was a kitchen.

“Look, everyone has been entirely too forgiving of Aziraphale from the beginning. Oh, he’s only doing his job like a good angel should. If he had been doing his job in the first place then we wouldn’t have a problem. .. He’s coming close to flouting the rules… disobedience like you wouldn’t believe… one way or the other I have him now and I intend to make him wish he’d never been Created… hang on, my signal’s cutting out.”

Crowley backed against the wall and held his breath as the door swung open. He heaved a sigh of relief as the angel walked off in the other direction. He slipped quietly into the kitchen and saw that the sword had been left on the table.

It was entirely too convenient, but he could hear footsteps coming back.

Crowley lifted up the sword and slid behind the door. It crackled in his palms as if it knew that he wasn’t worthy enough to wield it.

Part V