Happy Holidays, silverfox! Part 2

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Not That Bad - Part 2

Gabriel slept for around four hours. When he suddenly jerked awake, Aziraphale, once more, wished to frame his confused and absolutely horrified face and put it up in his bookshop.

“Good evening,” he instead said overly casual without looking up from the book he was reading on the sofa. “There’s food on the table if you’re hungry. And I called the W London Hotel down Wardour Street. You normally have to check in earlier, but there was a room vacant, so I booked it for you. I put the price down on a list. You can repay me as soon as you’re back to normal.”

Gabriel blinked a few times and sat up.

The four hours had been enough to give him stubble, and his hair now looked definitely messy. Regrettably, he still looked remarkably good that way.

He cleared his throat and smoothed out his wrinkled clothes. Apparently, he was able to crumple them up. Then he ran a hand over his face and finally went over to scrutinise the food that Aziraphale had placed on the table.

It had arrived hours earlier, but Aziraphale’s powers had kept it warm. Reluctantly, Gabriel reached out for it and sniffed it suspiciously.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “It’s not poisoned,” he assured and put his book down. “It’s not the best food London has to offer, but it’s one of the best within close proximity. Just eat it. It will do its bit.”

Gabriel frowned, but opened the pizza box. Then he frowned some more, but grabbed one of the slices.

“Hasn’t this been around for centuries now?” he asked. “Are humans still eating this?”

Aziraphale shrugged. “It’s good,” he said. “Just try it. Or, if you don’t like it, I also ordered some pasta. Your body needs food, so get over yourself. Trust me, it will help you.”

Gabriel didn’t look happy, but he took a big bite of the pizza. His face lit up almost immediately.

Aziraphale had to smile a little and got up from the sofa. “Have you really never eaten human food?” he asked as he went to his wine rack.

“No, why would I?” Gabriel replied, chewing. “Unless a human offered it to me out of kindness, I never touched any. Angels don’t need food.”

“Angels don’t need to wear high fashion either, and you still do it,” Aziraphale stated.

“I have to wear something.”

“Yes, for the sake of everyone but Raphael, you do.”

Aziraphale returned with two glasses and the wine and poured them both a glass full. It wasn’t his best wine – those were reserved for Crowley and him exclusively – but it was still a good one. He only had good ones.

“I do know wine,” Gabriel stated. He was already eating the second slice of pizza. ‘Devouring’ would be a better word, though. Not even Crowley would have been able to swallow his food faster than this.

“The wine you get in Heaven isn’t as good as the one humans make,” Aziraphale said. “When it comes to edibles, they have far better taste than angels. And they change. Heaven can always stay the same, but humans can’t. They develop. In some cases, this leads to improvement.”

Gabriel studied him and licked some grease off his fingertip. “You admire them,” he said.

“I live among them,” Aziraphale responded.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and cast a telling look around the room. “Yes, I can tell,” he uttered.

Aziraphale scowled. The next slice of pizza Gabriel picked up had an extremely hot piece of pepperoni on it.

“Did you find anything?” Gabriel wanted to know and reached out for his wine glass. He gave an appreciative hum at the taste of it.

“Not yet,” Aziraphale replied. He took his own glass of wine in hand and let the liquid swirl around in it. It smelled rich and fruity. Imagining the taste of it made his mouth water in anticipation. “I went through some of my books, but none of them mention anything useful. I will need a while longer to go through more.”

Gabriel nodded and had a look at the other food box on the table. “Spagetti?” he asked.

“Actually, it’s ‘spaghetti’,” Aziraphale corrected. “Also around for centuries. Try it if you want, it’s very tasty.”

Gabriel didn’t have to be asked twice.

He stuffed his face with so much food that Aziraphale wondered how he managed not to throw up. Before he could eat everything, Aziraphale grabbed the lasagna and allowed himself to have some dinner as well.

“I can help you search,” Gabriel suggested.

Aziraphale noticed sadly that even without his angelic powers, he managed to eat spaghetti without leaving tomato sauce on his snow-white shirt. Aziraphale was almost tempted to make one of the buggers slip on purpose.

“Thank you, but you should get sleep instead,” Aziraphale determined. “A four-hour nap hardly seems enough. Your body is catching up with being human, and humans tend to sleep twice as long. And that is when they weren’t on the road for two days beforehand.”

Gabriel looked displeased. He didn’t like wasting time, unless it was with Raphael – which he, probably, wouldn’t call a waste of time. At least he was doing something then. Or, rather, doing someone…

But sleeping? Being passed out, unconscious, not doing anything? That wasn’t something that Gabriel could endorse.

“You’ll fall asleep anyway if you overstrain your body,” Aziraphale appeased him. “You will lose concentration and miss important bits. Sleep, take a shower, have some breakfast, and then buy yourself new clothes. There’s nothing else you can do at the moment, trust me. Let me handle this alone, for the sake of us both.”

Gabriel glared at him, full well knowing the angel was annoyed by him and throwing him out. Aziraphale glared back unapologetically.

“Fine,” Gabriel grumbled and grabbed a napkin to wipe his fingers clean. “But I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“Noon,” Aziraphale corrected. “The shops won’t open until 10 and you need to go shopping.”

Gabriel shot him another glare. Aziraphale smiled at him as innocently as he could.

“Fine,” Gabriel snarled. “Tomorrow noon, then. You better have found something by then, Aziraphale.”

“Oh, trust me, I will do everything in my powers to remove you from Earth and send you back to Heaven,” Aziraphale promised sweetly. He took another sip of his wine while Gabriel glowered and then he got up, licking his lips. “I’ll show you the way to the hotel,” he offered. “It’s not far from here.”

Gabriel got up as well and straightened his suit jacket. How could he still look this elegant and fancy despite not having showered in three days, having slept in an armchair, and having eaten enough food to satisfy three people? It was disgusting!

Aziraphale left the back room and grabbed his camel hair coat. The evenings were still pretty cool out there. Also, he just liked wearing his camel hair coat.

He also grabbed the keys for his shop and unlocked the door, holding it open.

“Left,” he told Gabriel before he stepped out of the shop himself and went about locking the door behind them once more. He turned back around just in time to witness Gabriel setting his foot on the street, right in front of a driving car.

His cry got lost in the noise of screeching tires and loud, furious honking.

“Watch where you’re bloody going, you idiot!” the driver shouted out of the window before he resumed barrelling down the street and around the corner.

Gabriel stared after the car in shock and incomprehension.

“What was that!?” Aziraphale gesticulated wildly as he hurried over to his superior. “You can’t just step in front of a car like that, Gabriel! It will run you over! I thought you didn’t want to try getting discorporated!”

“There usually aren’t any cars when I walk in the street!” Gabriel snapped back. “They just...” He too gesticulated angrily. “… aren’t around!”

“Because you arrange them not to be around!” Aziraphale made clear. “You cannot do that anymore now! You’ll end up on someone’s radiator grill, and I do not want to explain that to Above!”

Gabriel snorted in anger and frustration. “It’s not my fault he didn’t look where he was driving,” he grumbled. “He shouldn’t go at that speed in such a narrow street!”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes and made a pleading gesture at the sky. He couldn’t deal with this any longer. Why was God testing him like this?

Gabriel started galumphing down the street and Aziraphale started to follow him, shaking his head. He had to do something about this. If Gabriel stayed on Earth one day longer, Aziraphale would discorporate himself for the sake of being gone for a while.

Luckily, they reached the hotel without any further incidents. Aziraphale talked to the friendly woman at the reception, but she probably would have let Gabriel into his room without Aziraphale confirming he had booked it for him. She was blushing and smiling at him non-stop, even when she was talking with Aziraphale. Aziraphale wanted to tell her he hadn’t showered in days and also was married. But he bit it all back and instead turned to Gabriel, handing him the keycard.

“When you leave the hotel,” he told him,” you go down Coventry Street until you reach Piccadilly Circus. From there, you turn onto Regent’s Street. That’s where you’ll find some clothing stores tomorrow. If you walk it down, you’ll eventually find yourself in Oxford Street. That, too, is a good place to shop for clothes. Here’s a London guide. My shop is here. And here’s some money. I’ll go through some more of my books overnight and we’ll meet back in my shop at noon. Is that alright?”

Gabriel nodded. He grabbed the things Aziraphale handed him and granted the lady behind the reception a smile.

“See you tomorrow, then,” he said before he walked over to the escalators.
Aziraphale allowed himself a relieved sigh as the doors closed behind him, and made his way back to his bookshop.

There, he emptied the rest of the tiramisu and then stocked a pile of books next to his seat that might contain something helpful concerning Gabriel’s situation. Accompanied by his glass of wine, he started reading through them, soon so engulfed in the words that he forgot how annoyed he was by Gabriel.

-~*°*~-_-~*°*~-_-~*°*~-

“This cannot be,” Gabriel said, a frown on his features.

“I’m afraid it can,” Aziraphale muttered, rubbing his knuckles over his lips. “At least it’s all I could find, so I guess we have to work with it.”

Gabriel snorted.

He had arrived shortly past midday, in what Aziraphale could only describe as ‘casual chic.’ He was wearing grey jeans and a simple T-shirt, topped by a red and black jacket that looked like a mixture of a hoodie and a parka. No one in the world would have been remotely presentable in this, but Gabriel managed to make it look like Haute Couture. His stubble and his unkempt look went quite well with it, much to Aziraphale’s annoyance.

“It cannot be,” the Archangel repeated. “No one would ever do this! Why would anyone ever do this?! Who even came up with this?!”

“I don’t know,” Aziraphale answered. He was shifting from one foot to the other, uneasy. “But it’s written right there, so I guess it’s possible.”

Gabriel uncrossed his arms in a huff and threw his hands in the air. “Well, who cares if it is possible!” he exclaimed. “There’s no way I am doing this! I’m not insane!”

“Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t find anything that’s more to your liking,” Aziraphale said, becoming slightly offended. “I went through all of my books, but this is all I have. Unless you want to go search somewhere else for however long, you will have to do with what is at hand.”

Gabriel radiated absolute distress. Aziraphale couldn’t really blame him. What he had found certainly was not very pleasant. But still, it was the only thing he had found at all.

He had discovered it in the Lemegeton. It wasn’t exactly what he had expected to find, or even expected to exist. He couldn’t remember ever having read it. But then again, maybe he just hadn’t paid attention to it at the time he had acquired the book, which, granted, had been 300 years ago.

It actually didn’t tell you how to dismiss the angel that you summoned. It didn’t tell you how to get released when your summoner didn’t dismiss you, either. In fact, it didn’t even mention summonings directly.

“So let me sum this up,” Gabriel began, still sounding utterly pissed. “We know that a summoning is a kind of agreement between Heaven and Earth.”

“Yes.” Aziraphale nodded. “An agreement that the partner from Earth holds all the conditions for. They are the only ones who are able to end it. We already knew that. That’s why you’re here.”

“Yes,” Gabriel grunted, “that’s why I’m here. Because my partner from Earth is not able to end the agreement and I can’t do it myself. And we were hoping to find another way to null this agreement. But now you’re suggesting – and correct me if I’m wrong...” He raised his hand to spread it over the book that was lying open on the table, pointing at it accusingly with all five of his fingers. “… Now you’re suggesting that we’re transferring this agreement? To a demon? Because this writing here tells us how to end an agreement between partners from Heaven and Hell?”

“Uh, well...” Aziraphale shifted once more, feeling his ears getting hot. He knew how crazy this sounded. But he couldn’t help it that he hadn’t found another solution for this!

“Well, yes,” he confirmed, shrugging slightly. “I don’t know what else we could do. I mean, you can try and search for other texts if you don’t want to do this, but who says we will find one? And it could take years, or even decades. If you want to stay on Earth for this long, then –”

“Of course I do not want to stay on Earth for this long!” Gabriel snapped. “Certainly not with my powers removed, especially! But I will not make an agreement with a demon! That’s the only thing worse than staying on Earth in a human body!”

“Not all of them are that bad,” Aziraphale claimed. Immediately, his cheeks flushed and he felt himself shrinking towards the floor in panic. Had he said that out loud? Oh Lord, he had, hadn’t he?

From the way Gabriel side-eyed him, Aziraphale could be certain of the answer. He put two of his fingers on his cheek, covering his mouth with the curled up other two. Hopefully, that would hide both his blush and his pressed-together lips from Gabriel at least a little.

His superior said nothing. He just stared, his purple eyes burning themselves inside Aziraphale’s temple. He didn’t have to have angelic powers right now; his stare was bad enough without them.

Finally, very calmly and very slowly, Gabriel said: “That demon that you know. The one who is your adversary, the one Hell sent up here just as we sent you down. You know him quite well, don’t you? Is he one of the demons that aren’t ‘that bad’?”

Aziraphale’s first instinct was to deny everything. He had spent centuries, millennia, making Gabriel believe that he and Crowley were enemies. That he was doing all he could to defy the old serpent’s tempting. To undo his bad-doings, to smite him at sight.

Gabriel couldn’t know about their Arrangement. He couldn’t know they spent times in theatres together, in music halls, in restaurants. That they went to feed the ducks fairly often. That they talked and laughed and went to see movies. That they shared wine in the back room, listened to Queen in Crowley’s car, and that, actually, they had grown quite fond of each other.

More than just fond, if Aziraphale was honest.

There was this unspoken thing between them, a thing both of them very well knew to exist, but neither of them had ever dared to bring up in front of the other, because it being there was one thing, but committing to it was another.

It was in the smiles they gave each other, in the fact Crowley sometimes fell asleep on Aziraphale’s sofa, in Aziraphale pulling a blanket over him and having breakfast ready as soon as he woke up, in the times Crowley brought take-out to the bookshop and they watched something on TV together while eating and talking all the way through it, in the trust Crowley showed in him by taking off his glasses when they were alone.

There was a warm, cosy feeling between them, something light and pure and tender, and it was more than clear to both of them that this had become something deeper than fondness.

But he mustn’t tell that to Gabriel. He didn’t want to imagine what would happen if he told that to Gabriel.

He did, however, have to convince Gabriel to give in. This was the only chance they had at hand to make the Archangel go back to Heaven, and Aziraphale would honest to God ask Crowley for asylum in Hell if he had to stand Gabriel being here for much longer.

So Aziraphale very carefully started to walk down the road that was basically a minefield, a minefield on a paper-thin edge – Gabriel not agreeing to this on the one side of the abyss, making him realise the true nature of his relationship with Crowley on the other. It was a very risky walk.

“Crowley is… practical,” he began tentatively. “He’s not a bad guy, he’s just doing his job.”

“Which is being bad.”

“Of course, of course. But, I mean, he could be way worse. He’s reasonable.”

Gabriel cocked an eyebrow. “He’s a demon.”

Aziraphale sighed. “Gabriel, you and I both know how things are with employees. There are the eager and proper ones, like you. And then there are the ones who do what they have to and nothing more, like me. Isn’t that what you always accuse me of? Crowley is like that, just from the other side. He does what’s absolutely necessary to appease his superiors, and the rest of the time, he likes to be left alone. He’s not evil. He just does what he has to do.”

“Has to do? He didn’t have to Fall! There’s a reason for that!”

“Yes, I think so too,” Aziraphale said. “God created everything and everyone for a reason. Who knows, maybe Crowley is a rather nice demon for the purpose of being a helping hand when an angel is in need of one?”

Gabriel stared at him in the most baffled way Aziraphale had ever seen. He knew it was an extremely bold take, but, honestly, he was fed up with Gabriel’s hypocrisy. He himself was a prick to people, Aziraphale not even included. Gabriel had been present during the Destruction of Sodom. Gabriel had fought and defeated other angels – not during the Fall of Satan, but angels who had done nothing but their job as the Prince of Persia and the Prince of Greece. (Granted, he had not killed them, they were now working invidious jobs at some end or other of the long chain of Heaven’s bureaucracy. But, seriously, what worse defeat could there be than that?) What he had done over the years had certainly not always been Good, and now he had the nerve to go against Crowley simply because he was a demon? What did that say about anybody? Aziraphale would prefer Crowley over any angel in Heaven at any given time.

“He is the only demon we have,” he stated, crossing his arms. “And he is a good choice for this. But it’s your decision. Do you want me to get him or not?”

Gabriel was bristling with anger. Anger and defeat, because really, what else could he do? As far as they knew, all Summoning Texts got destroyed. That included the instructions on how to undo the summoning. That this one Text had survived was pure coincidence, so the chances of another one being hidden somewhere were low. And even if there was one, who said anyone knew about it? Who said that they would find it?

And yes, maybe there were other options. Other ways to release yourself from a summoning. But how could Gabriel find them? If Aziraphale hadn’t found them in his collection of books, then who else would have them around? And if someone had them, how could Gabriel learn about that?

The only other realistic chance he had was to make Raphael ask around among the other angels to see if any of them had ever been in such a situation and remembered how they had gotten out of it. But with Gabriel being gone without notice, and Raphael asking around about this, people would figure out what was going on. Which would result in endless humiliation. Provided that anyone even had been in this situation before. Also, even if someone remembered, they most certainly didn’t know the exact Words, the exact sigils and their arrangement, the exact ritual. It was a shot in the dark with a low chance of hitting, and the fatal consequence of eternal mockery.

So, all things considered, transferring this agreement to a demon was the best option Gabriel had, with Aziraphale’s reassurance that Crowley wasn’t ‘that bad’ as his only safety.

Given that he didn’t know Crowley like Aziraphale did, it was an extremely high-risk game for him.

“How about this,” Aziraphale suggested, considering Gabriel’s distressed face. “I will bring him here and we’ll figure it out together. Then you can get to know him a little and you two can discuss the, uh… minutiae of this enterprise.”

Gabriel frowned sceptically.

Aziraphale knew Crowley would probably not be keen on having to spend time with Gabriel. But since Gabriel didn’t have his powers, and since Crowley was supposed to make him dependent on him, Aziraphale was pretty sure that, in this particular situation, the demon would approve of it.

Gabriel grumbled something under his breath, but then he sighed and flopped his arms in defeat. “It can’t hurt to get to know him,” he stated. Then he frowned again and glared at Aziraphale. “You will be present and prevent him from doing anything stupid, right?”

“You mean because you are powerless and fear for him to discorporate you?” Aziraphale asked sweetly, enjoying the frown on Gabriel’s face becoming bigger. “Of course. What kind of angel would I be to let my superior get attacked by a demon?”

Gabriel snorted. Aziraphale wished he had started keeping a tally sheet on how often he had roasted Gabriel ever since his misfortune. It would have been a cause of delight for the next couple of decades.

“Alright. You go and have lunch,” Aziraphale said, “and I will get a hold of Crowley. We will meet back in my shop at three.”

Gabriel nodded. “Alright. I’ll be here.”

“Good.” Aziraphale grabbed his book and closed it. He didn’t like to move books out of his bookshop, but he felt like it was better to show this to Crowley in person. “Will you find a restaurant by yourself?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I have been on Earth before, I can handle myself. Thank you very much.”

“Yes, like yesterday, when you almost got run over by a car,” Aziraphale noted.

Gabriel’s glare was now permanently attached to his features.

Aziraphale carefully wrapped the book in a paper bag and took it with him out of the back room. Gabriel followed, leaving the bookshop right behind Aziraphale.

“See you in two and a half hours then,” Aziraphale said. “Don’t get lost in the city. I hope you have the London guide with you.”

Gabriel only side-eyed him, turning around and walking down the street. Aziraphale noticed he kept to the pavement this time. It made the corners of Aziraphale’s mouth pull up in amusement.

As he set in motion towards Crowley’s flat, he got his mobile phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. Crowley had insisted for years now on Aziraphale getting one, claiming it would come in handy in certain situations, and pointing out that, since Aziraphale already owned a computer and a telephone, a combination of both would only make sense.

At one point, Aziraphale had given in, because he had to admit that he was impressed by all the things Crowley could look up instantly on his phone. Like which concert was on tonight and where, or if the Dodo had really gone extinct. So he had gone into an electric shop and had bought a mobile phone for himself.

Crowley had almost lost it when he had seen it.

“What is this?!” he had exclaimed. “They don’t even manufacture these anymore! Where did you get this?!”

Aziraphale had had to admit that the guy at the store had been very happy to get rid of it, and that it had been fairly cheap. There was an internet browser on it, but Aziraphale didn’t know how to use it. But it was quite pleasurable not to have to get up from the sofa to call Crowley (or the food delivery). And if you didn’t want anyone to call you, you could just put it on silent.

It was also very useful to call someone when you were on the move.

“You didn’t send me a photo,” was the first thing Crowley said when he picked up. He actually sounded offended.

“I’m ever so sorry, my dear,” Aziraphale claimed. “Actually, I am on my way to you right now and thought we could have lunch together. How does Thai food sound for an apology?”

“What’s the occasion?” Crowley wanted to know suspiciously. “Are we celebrating that Gabriel is gone or do you want to escape him and comfort eat?”

“I’m not – ...” Aziraphale sighed. “I will tell you when I’m there. So what is with Thai food now? Or would you prefer Japanese?”

“Thai is alright,” Crowley replied. “I’m not currently in, but I’ll drive home now, then. Should be there in twenty minutes.”

“Oh, no problem, I will probably take longer,” Aziraphale said. “I will see you in a bit then.”

“Alright. Oh, and bring those fried vegetable rolls! And the fish cakes!”

Aziraphale smiled. “I will, dear,” he promised. “See you in a bit.”

“Ciao ciao!”

With a smile, Aziraphale stowed his mobile in his trouser pocket. He hoped Crowley would still be this enthusiastic after he had told him about their plan. Well, he would see shortly.

Just to make sure, Aziraphale decided he would also bring lime cheesecake for dessert.

Next: Part 3!