goe_mod: (Aziraphale by Bravinto)
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Not that Bad - Part 3


To be honest, Aziraphale didn’t feel too comfortable in Crowley’s flat.

It was too clean, too modern. It had no personality; or if it had one, it was the one of a distant, self-absorbed person who put more thought into their exterior than their soul. It would fit Gabriel quite well, actually.

What he did like, though, were the plants. Not because they were living creatures, not because they were really beautiful and luxurious, not because they made the place actually look nice despite its sterile style.

No, that was not it.

It was because they had the feeling of Crowley’s attention clinging to them, all the time and effort he put into them, even though it consisted of him threatening them to look pretty. (Aziraphale actually knew what happened to the plants Crowley sorted out because he had secretly caught him once while taking a walk. Crowley hadn’t noticed him, but Aziraphale had seen him planting the flowers into somebody else’s garden.1 The plants, however, didn’t know that, of course.)

[1 I got this beautiful headcanon from elsinore-and-inverness.tumblr.com. Used with permission. Thank you, dear :)]

They were one of the things Crowley cared for, and if Crowley cared for something, he cared passionately. Aziraphale had to smile every time he felt that.

What Aziraphale did feel comfortable with was lounging on Crowley’s sofa with him, enjoying some rather good (though not exquisite, but what could you expect from a takeaway restaurant?) food, drinking wine, and chatting.

They had just finished their meal and were discussing the concept of fried food. Crowley was playing around with one of his chopsticks, swirling it around or waving it when he had to underline a point. The way he had draped himself over the sofa looked almost sinful.

“Anyway, all I’m saying is,” he finished his statement, “that yes, deep-frying your food adds flavour to it because it’s all fat, but it doesn’t mean the food automatically becomes good. There are some things you just shouldn’t fry, and that is my opinion on it. But spring rolls? I’m all for it.”

Aziraphale gave a committal hum, watching the wine he was swirling around in his glass. He’d had to change it to a good one. Crowley thought he knew which wines to buy, but he really didn’t.

Crowley studied him for a moment and cocked his head to the side. “Are you even with me?” he wanted to know. Then he nudged Aziraphale’s leg with his foot. “Angel? You on?”

“Hm?” Aziraphale raised his head, a guilty look on his face. “Yes, I, uh… I’m on. Listen, Crowley, I have to tell you something.”

“Oh boy, here it comes now,” the demon quipped. “Have you upset Gabriel so much that he transferred you to file-keeping?”

“No, I – … While we’re speaking of transferring...”

Crowley frowned. He took his leg off the sofa and sat up.

“What’s wrong, angel?” he asked, more serious this time. “What did you really come here for?”

Aziraphale looked at his yellow eyes with the slit pupils, warm and golden like the sunrise, speckled with tiny dots of brown and ochre. He knew Crowley was ashamed of them, but Aziraphale had always found them stunningly beautiful.

He sighed and put his wine down, turning to Crowley. “I found something in one of my books,” he said. “Something to get rid of Gabriel with.”

“Get rid of him like sending him back to Heaven?” Crowley enquired.

“Yes. Breaking his binding.”

Crowley nodded and shrugged slightly. “So what? Is it that terrible a ritual? Do you need to sacrifice someone?”

“No! Gosh, no. It’s… not actually that horrible. It’s just...” Aziraphale sighed again and rubbed his hand across his forehead. “See, it includes you, Crowley.”

The demon raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Me?” he asked. “For what? Do you need my blood or something? Should I discorporate him? Oh, please tell me I get to discorporate him!”

Aziraphale spared him his ‘Oh please, my dear, can we remain serious here?’- look.

“Sadly, you do not get to discorporate him,” he told him. “But you actually might enjoy what you’d have to be doing. You know that summonings are like a sort of agreement?”

“Of course I do, everybody does.” Crowley took a sip of his wine. He seemed very eager to hear Aziraphale’s story.

“Right,” the angel continued. “Right. See, the problem is that only the person who summoned can end this agreement. Which is why no one is really fond of those summonings.”

“You don’t have to tell me, I know all these things. Come to the interesting part already.”

Aziraphale sighed once more and got up from the sofa. “What some people don’t know,” he said while walking into the kitchen to wash his hands properly after the meal, “is that you can transfer those agreements. With the right ritual, you can give someone else the power over it. Some people who summoned an entity did it to grant their children or any other successors the benefit of said summoning.”

He dried his hands and walked over to the paper bag he had put down on the counter separating the kitchen from the lounge. He grabbed it and took it back to the sofa with him.

“There are quite some descriptions on how these transfers work in my books, so that is not a problem. The real problem – or, rather, Gabriel sees it as a problem – is this.”

He reached over the backrest and held the open book in front of Crowley’s face. The demon reached for it, but Aziraphale pulled it away.

“Clean hands,” he requested.

Crowley rolled his eyes, but miracled his hands clean. When he reached for the book this time, Aziraphale let him take it. He watched as Crowley read over the pages.

“… Wait, hold on,” the demon said after a moment. “Am I getting this right? This ritual tells you how to break the agreement between an angel and a demon. Are you suggesting that I –”

“That we transfer the agreement of Gabriel’s summoning to you, yes. And that we then use this ritual in the book right there to dismiss him.”

Crowley was quiet for a moment, staring at the book. Then he tentatively asked again: “You want me to have the power of a summoning over Gabriel?”

Aziraphale shrugged. “If you want to put it that way, yes.”

Crowley broke out into laughter.

“My Gosh, angel, this is brilliant!” he exclaimed. “What did Gabriel look like when you told him that? Was he pissed? I bet he was so pissed! Oh, please tell me you at least got a photo of his expression! I want to put it on my wall, right next to the Mona Lisa!”

Aziraphale had to smile at Crowley’s euphoria. “He certainly wasn’t happy,” he promised and walked around the sofa to take a seat again as well. “Which is why I do have to ask a favour of you. I promised Gabriel he would get to know you before the transfer. Just so he can be sure you won’t use your power over him.”

Crowley grimaced and closed the book. “Do I have to?” he asked. “Can’t you just tell him that this is the only way and he better be happy that you found a way at all, even if it sucks?”

“I did,” said Aziraphale and took the book back from Crowley. “But for him, this is a big deal. He’s handing his fate over to someone he thinks of as the mortal enemy. I told him you weren’t that bad, but –”

“You did what?!” Crowley whined. “What did you say that for? Imagine he tells that to someone Below! Imagine I would tell someone Down There you weren’t really ‘all that good’!”

“Look, I’m sorry,” Aziraphale tried to appease him. “I just wanted to bring Gabriel to accept this, and I thought he would agree sooner if he didn’t fear for you taking advantage of his situation too much.”

Crowley pulled another face. “Still,” he grumbled. “I don’t want anyone from Heaven thinking that I’m nice.”

“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale repeated. “But trust me, Gabriel won’t dare to tell it to anyone. He would have to admit that he accepted your help, and he is far too proud and too scared for that. I mean, just imagine you or I telling anyone what has happened to him. He certainly won’t risk upsetting us too much.”

Crowley grunted, but he said no more. Instead, he got up from the sofa and walked towards the stairs to the upper level of his flat.

“I’ll change,” he informed Aziraphale. “Then we can go. Let me see if I can find something that’ll make me look ‘not that bad’.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes and wrapped the book back in its paper bag. Then he went around the lounge to have a look at the flowers while he waited for Crowley. He didn’t have the heart to ruin the demon’s hard work by telling the plants they would one day be free in someone’s garden. But he did make sure they all looked nice. This way, they could at least allow themselves a breather and didn’t have to stress over blooming so much.

-~*°*~-_-~*°*~-_-~*°*~-


The atmosphere was cold enough to make a polar bear comfortable. Or maybe some penguins, if you prefer.

Whichever animal you choose, they would feel very at home in Aziraphale’s back room right now.

Gabriel was sitting on the sofa. Crowley was lounging in the armchair. Luckily, there was a coffee table between them; it didn’t help much, but it at least created the illusion of some sort of barrier.

Gabriel’s purple eyes were gleaming with hatred. Crowley’s could not be seen, as they were hidden behind his sunglasses, but his posture looked extremely unimpressed. The casual observer would have believed that Crowley indeed was impassive and arrogant right now, but Aziraphale felt the slight tremble of uncertainty in the demon’s demeanour. He had learned to distinguish it beneath the thick, carefully composed layers of coolness and indifference that Crowley tried to save himself under, but not everyone had this experience. For Gabriel, the facade had to look entirely intact.

“So it’s settled then,” Crowley said, letting his hand dangle in the air leisurely. “I will go to Germany to talk to your summoner and will get your agreement transferred onto me. Then I’ll come back here and we will use the ritual in Aziraphale’s book to release you from the binding. Correct?”

Gabriel gave a little growl before he answered. “It seems like it,” he pressed out through gritted teeth.

“Under the conditions we agreed on.”

The Archangel’s features darkened even further, but he nodded. “Nobody is to hear about this agreement,” he confirmed. “Neither anyone Below nor anyone Above. Except for Raphael, who already knows of my situation anyway.”

Crowley nodded. “Good, good,” he said. “It would be a shame for the both of us if anyone found out that we’re working together. Wouldn’t want to risk that, would we?”

“No,” Gabriel grumbled. “We rather would not.”

Crowley and Aziraphale had made it sound like this was actually Gabriel’s condition, even though Crowley profited from it as well. But the Archangel ran a high risk. If someone learned he made deals with demons to free himself from a situation that was embarrassing alone in its own right, he would most certainly get in trouble. Crowley, on the other hand, could claim he had done it to get power over Gabriel, and then had been tricked into releasing him again or whatever. He was good with words, and he had Aziraphale on his side. It was still risky for him as well, but not as risky as it was for Gabriel.

This way, Crowley had been able to place an own condition as well: the condition that Gabriel would stop bothering Aziraphale, so that in return, Aziraphale would stop bothering Crowley.

“Trust your worker here,” Crowley had said. “After all, he got you a demon nice enough to release you. What better of a job do you want him to do?”

Gabriel had begrudgingly promised not to pester Aziraphale as continuously anymore, as long as he still did his job and sent in reports every now and then. Crowley had shrugged and said that he didn’t care about reports, he just wanted Aziraphale to leave him alone. Aziraphale had managed to swallow his smile, but he would thank Crowley for his charade later.

“Fine, then.” Crowley sat up. “Tomorrow, I will fly over to Cologne and –”

“We,” Aziraphale interrupted him. “I’ll be coming with you. Don’t forget that I have the rituals that will allow the transfer.”

Crowley very convincingly moved his head back and let out a groan. “Fine,” he grunted. “We’ll fly over to Cologne tomorrow. Do we even know where this summoner lives? Maybe you should give them a call, so they won’t be on vacation or something when we arrive.”

“Ah. Yes. That’s actually a good idea,” Aziraphale admitted. “Gabriel do you…?”

Gabriel raised his brows. “What? Have her phone number? Of course not. I do have her address, though.”

“That’ll do,” Crowley said. “Just give me her name as well and I’ll find out her number.”

Gabriel frowned. He probably thought this sounded like Crowley violating someone’s privacy or doing something illegal. But it was for Gabriel’s release, so he just sighed lowly and gave Crowley the name and address of his summoner.

Crowley typed them down into his phone and hummed lowly while he scrolled and swiped around for a moment.

“Ah, here we have her. Yes, alright. Angel, give me something to write on, I’ll give you her number. You can call her while I book our flight. Then you can tell her what time we’ll arrive at her place as well.”

Aziraphale nodded and got up from the second armchair. He fetched a notepad and a pencil and let Crowley dictate the summoner’s phone number. Then he walked over to his phone behind the counter and began to dial.

After the third ring, a woman answered.

“Ja, hallo?” she asked.

“Hallo, guten Tag, mein Name ist Aziraphale,” Aziraphale answered in perfect German. “Es tut mir leid, wenn ich Sie störe, junge Dame. Ist es richtig, dass Sie vor einigen Tagen mithilfe eines alten Buches aus Versehen einen Engel beschworen haben?”

The lady on the other end was quiet. Then, voice trembling slightly, she asked: “Wer sind Sie?”

“Oh, bitte entschuldigen Sie vielmals, ich bin ebenfalls ein Engel,” Aziraphale appeased her. “Nachdem Sie meinen Kollegen nicht von seiner Beschwörung erlösen konnten, ist er zu mir gekommen, um mich um Hilfe zu bitten. Ich habe einen Weg gefunden, die ganze Sache zu beenden. Allerdings müsste ich Sie dafür kurz besuchen kommen. Keine Sorge, es wird nichts Schlimmes passieren. Sie müssen mir lediglich dabei helfen, ein weiteres Ritual auszuführen. Ich verspreche Ihnen, dass Sie danach in demselben Zustand sein werden wie zuvor, sowohl geistig als auch körperlich. Und zwei dankbare Engel bekommen Sie noch dazu. Ginge das wohl in Ordnung?”

Again, it took the woman a moment to reply.

“Was für ein Ritual?” she wanted to know.

“Es ist eigentlich sehr simpel,” Aziraphale explained. “Wir werden die Beschwörung einfach von Ihnen auf jemand anderen übertragen. Einen, äh… weiteren Engel. Dieser kann Gabriel dann ohne Schwierigkeiten von dem Bann erlösen und uns allen wäre geholfen.”

“I heard that and I don’t approve!” Crowley called from the back room.

Aziraphale ignored him and just kept on talking. “Wir könnten morgen um – ...”

“At one o’clock, German time!” Crowley called again, this time helpfully.

“… Um ein Uhr bei Ihnen sein. Wäre das wohl möglich?”

Aziraphale could hear the poor girl hesitating. Then, finally, she gave a defeated sigh.

“Na schön, was soll’s,” she said, sounding like she had forsaken her own sanity for good now. “Kommen Sie ruhig vorbei, zwei Engel mehr oder weniger machen jetzt auch nichts mehr aus.”

“Tja. Ja. Nein. Vielen Dank, Fräulein Kleinert. Dann sehen wir uns also morgen.”

“Sieht so aus. Also bis morgen.”

“Bis morgen. Auf Wiederhör’n.”2

[2 Translation:
    “Yes, hello?” she asked.
    “Hello, good day, my name is Aziraphale,” Aziraphale answered in perfect German. “I am very sorry if I am bothering you, young lady. Is it true that you, by mistake, have summoned an angel with the help of an old book a few days ago?”
The lady on the other end was quiet. Then, voice trembling slightly, she asked: “Who are you?”
    “Oh, I apologise profusely, I am also an angel,” Aziraphale appeased her. “After you couldn’t release my colleague from his summoning, he came to me to ask me for help. I’ve found a way to end this entire thing. But I would have to pay you a short visit for that. Not to worry, nothing bad will happen. You just have to help me in executing another ritual. I promise you that you will be in the same condition afterwards that you were in before; both mentally and physically. And you will get two thankful angels on top of it, too. Would that be alright?”
Again, it took the woman a moment to reply.
    “What kind of ritual?” she wanted to know.
    “It is actually quite simple,” Aziraphale explained. “We will just transfer the summoning from you onto somebody else. A, uh… another angel. He can then release Gabriel from his binding without any trouble and we’d all be helped.”
    “I heard that and I don’t approve!” Crowley called from the back room.
Aziraphale ignored him and just kept on talking. “We could be with you tomorrow at – ...”
    “At one o’clock, German time!” Crowley called again, this time helpfully.
    “… At one o’clock. Would that be possible?”
Aziraphale could hear the poor girl hesitating. Then, finally, she gave a defeated sigh.
    “Alright, what the heck,” she said, sounding like she had forsaken her own sanity for good now. “Just come over. Two angels more or less don’t make any difference anymore now, anyway.”
    “Well. Yes. No. Thank you very much, Miss Kleinert. Then we will see each other tomorrow.”
    “Looks like it. Till tomorrow, then.”
    “Till tomorrow. Goodbye.”]


Aziraphale hung up.

“So when will the flight leave?” he asked as he returned to the back room.

“I’ll pick you up at eight,” Crowley replied. “And we will take the flight back at twenty past four, German time. Then we should be back at your shop around six, London time. Can we arrange for that, Gabriel? Or do you have any plans for tomorrow evening?”

Gabriel shot him a glare. “I happen not to,” he informed Crowley.

“Great. Then it’s all settled.” Crowley slapped the armrests of his chair and got up. “I’ll go make something useful of the rest of my day then. Doing some mischief while Aziraphale is busy babysitting. You better be ready tomorrow, angel, I won’t wait for you, understood?”

He grabbed a biscuit off the plate in the middle of the table and bit it in half as he waltzed over to the door, humming a melody. Even Aziraphale, who knew this was only an act, felt how annoying his behaviour was.

They heard the bell over the shop door jingle, then the door of the Bentley being shut, then the engine roar and the car speed away.

Gabriel snorted and rubbed his temple. “He is despicable,” he stated. “How do you put up with him all the time?”

Aziraphale shrugged. “He’s doing his job, I’m doing mine,” he replied. “And, like you said, it’s part of his job to be bad.”

Gabriel snorted once more.

“But at least,” Aziraphale continued, “for a demon, he is rather reasonable. It could definitely be worse than that.”

Gabriel only shook his head. “Let’s just hope he really is as reasonable as you say. This whole thing is not over yet. Which reminds me, we should inform Raphael about the plan. In case anything goes wrong and we need him.”

Aziraphale froze.

“Uh,” he stammered. “What would we need Raphael for? Possibly?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Gabriel said, though his tone made it clear that he, in fact, did know all too well. “Maybe he’ll have to sweep down to smite a demon who has unlimited control and power over me?”

Aziraphale swallowed. He knew Crowley would not like having another angel around. Right now, the odds were in his favour, because Aziraphale – even though officially on Gabriel’s side – was actually completely in Crowley’s corner. Raphael, however, was loyal to Gabriel, utterly and completely. And even though he was a rather pleasant fellow, having him around would add a lot of pressure.

Aziraphale’s heart ached as he envisioned Crowley’s panicked features.

“Uh, but I’m here,” he tried to argue with Gabriel. “I can take care of Crowley. Besides, I thought you said Raphael had to cover for you, so should we really call him down here and risk your exposure?”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes a little. “Don’t you think we can’t be safe enough in this situation?” he asked. “Crowley is still a demon, after all. Who knows what he is planning.”

“Oh, well, certainly not me,” Aziraphale hurried to assure. “I just thought we should keep the risk low. You know, Michael can be so perceptive sometimes.”

“I think to keep the risk at its lowest, we should get as many angels as possible,” Gabriel determined. His voice sounded subtly threatening, as if any further talk-back from Aziraphale would result in trouble.

Aziraphale certainly wanted to argue more, but he feared Gabriel would become suspicious. So, despite feeling extremely sorry for his demon friend, he nodded hurriedly and added, “Of course, of course. I will give Raphael a call right now.”

Gabriel nodded. Aziraphale saw a hint of happiness glinting in his purple eyes and felt his own heart softening a bit. Gabriel was horrible, but at least he could feel love. That gave him the tiniest bit of humanity.

Aziraphale went over to his phone once again, shaking out his fingers.

“What story has Raphael told Up There?” he asked as he picked up the receiver. “Is it better to ask to talk to him right away or should I ask for you first? I don’t want my request to collide with whatever Raphael has concocted.”

“I don’t know what exactly Raphael has come up with,” Gabriel replied from the back room. “Just ask for one of the Archangels, Raphael will pick up the call anyway.”

“Alright,” Aziraphale grumbled. “Make it absolutely vague, why don’t you.”

He dialled and held the receiver to his ear. There was no ringing. Still, after a moment, somebody on the other end picked up.

“Hello,” they said, sounding so bored and non-committal that Aziraphale hoped for their sake that they would never pick up when Gabriel was calling.

“Yes, hello. This is Aziraphale. I need to talk to an Archangel, please.”

“An Archangel?” the other angel asked, sceptical. “What did you say your name was?”

“Aziraphale,” Aziraphale repeated, trying to suppress his annoyance. Sometimes, he understood why Gabriel was so done with him all the time. “And your name was…?”

“Aziraphale… Ah, right. Well, Gabriel is not in right now.”

“I’ll talk to Raphael, then.”

“Raphael is not responsible for –”

“Listen, my good boy,” Aziraphale said very calmly. “This issue is really important and Raphael will want to know about it. If you don’t put me through, my message will undoubtedly be late, and you know how those Archangels can be when they have to deal with inconveniences. No telling in what they would do to the lower angels involved in this. And I am not only talking about me.”

Once again, Aziraphale had caused his dialogue partner to fall silent for a moment.

Then the poor soul said, “Fine. Hold the line for a moment,” and there was a soft twang.

They should install hold music, Aziraphale thought. And then he thought of the music angels considered good, or rather, the musicians Heaven had at their disposal, and he scratched that idea.

Finally, there was a low clicking sound and the familiar voice of Raphael answered the phone. Where Gabriel always sounded arrogant, snobby, and subliminally annoyed, Raphael always sounded cheerful, amused, and waggish. How the two of them got along with each other was beyond the level of Aziraphale’s comprehension.

“Aziraphale!” he warbled. “So good to hear from you! We don’t talk often enough these days! How is it going?”

“Your boyfriend has crashed on my sofa and is driving me insane,” Aziraphale replied flatly.

As expected, Raphael burst into laughter.

“Ah, so he made it to you,” he concluded. “Has he laid out his problem? Were you able to help him out?”

“Kind of.” Aziraphale sighed. “I will hand you over to him in a minute, so he can explain, but before I do...”

“You need to cry on my shoulder about how awful he is for a bit?” Aziraphale could hear Raphael smirk. “Do you need some tips on how to handle him?”

“… Raphael, he almost got run over by a car yesterday!” Aziraphale hissed. “If everything works out, we will release him tomorrow evening, but I’m not sure he’ll even survive for that long!”

Raphael was cackling. “My goodness!” he hooted. “I need the full-detailed story on this!”

“Later,” Aziraphale promised. “Look, I’ll go over to Germany tomorrow and we need you Down Here in the evening anyway. Can’t you come over earlier and keep an eye on him? I don’t want to find him swimming face-down in the Thames when I return. Also, his mood is really foul by now, and I don’t want anything to go wrong because Gabriel got cranky.”

“You want me to come down to Earth tomorrow?”

“Yes, please. I’ll leave at eight and should be back at six. Then we will hopefully be able to do the ritual and release Gabriel, so you can take him back Up with you afterwards. Just… Please make sure he’s still alive by then, and in a good enough mood to not make the circumstances of the ritual any more complicated than they already are.”

“That sounds intricate,” Raphael said. He sounded more serious now. After all, he still was an Archangel, and you didn’t get such a high rank by being funny all the time. “What are you planning?”

“Let Gabriel tell you. I’m sure he wants to talk to you anyway. GABRIEL?”

Gabriel appeared in the door frame. Aziraphale held out the receiver to him.

“Raphael. I thought maybe you’d want to talk to him yourself.”

Gabriel nodded dryly, but Aziraphale saw the excitement in his eyes. He hurried to take the receiver from Aziraphale’s hand.

“Hey,” he said. “Yes. How are you?”

Aziraphale moved to the back room, but he took a second to watch Gabriel talk. The way he held the receiver with both hands. The way he nestled it neatly against his ear. The soft expression on his features. The slight smile.

Aziraphale knew Gabriel as an anal, nit-picky, pettifogging pain in the ass, who only showed humour in the form of arrogant sarcasm. He had never heard the Archangel’s voice sound so warm. They didn’t get along alright, and Aziraphale still found Gabriel annoying, but seeing how truly he seemed to love brought a tiny smile to Aziraphale’s lips.

He left Gabriel to explain their plan to his lover and prepared another pot of tea. Then he sat down in his armchair and began to read.

He heard Gabriel’s voice outside but he didn’t understand what he said. Once or twice, he even heard him laugh. When he came to join Aziraphale in the back room, he looked less tense and a bit more like himself again.

“Raphael will come by tomorrow morning,” he informed Aziraphale. “And will stay until the ritual has been completed. Or, in other words, until I’ve been released.”

Aziraphale nodded, acting as if he didn’t know that already. “Good,” he said. “Then you should be safe and sound for the entirety of the day.”

Gabriel nodded too.

Then he cocked his head to the side and studied the book Aziraphale was holding.

“What are you reading?” he wanted to know.

“Harry Potter,” answered Aziraphale. “It’s a book series about a young boy who learns that he actually is a wizard and –”

Gabriel gave him the most telling look, one eyebrow raised. Aziraphale rolled his eyes.

“You don’t even know it, so would you please stop judging? You thought pizza was awful too, and then you devoured it in hardly ten minutes.”

Gabriel pulled his usual face again and took place on the sofa. “Fine,” he said. “Let me read it, then. I will give it a chance and see if it is any good.” It sounded like a challenge.

Oh, you have no idea, Aziraphale thought and put his own book down to get up. By tomorrow, you will be sorting all of your coworkers into Hogwarts Houses, and I will not be helping you.

He got the Philosopher’s Stone out of the Harry Potter-shelf and held it out to Gabriel. It was the first edition by Bloomsbury, of course, published in 1997. Nowadays, these books sold for extremely high five-digit prices.

“Please be careful with this,” Aziraphale warned. “It is very, very valuable. Clean hands, no food or drinks anywhere near it, and please, no dog ears! Use a bookmark.”

Gabriel gave him a glare, but he held his hands out and let Aziraphale miracle them clean with a gesture. Then he accepted the book from him with an overly disinterested face and studied the cover.

“It’s very colourful,” he noted. “It’s already telling the story.”

“Kind of,” agreed Aziraphale. “That’s the point. When was the last time you held a book?”

Gabriel just shrugged and opened the volume. He was careful with it, but lacked the soft, loving touch of appreciation Aziraphale’s or even Crowley’s hands had when dealing with books. At least he was trying. Aziraphale had to give him that.

He sat down in his armchair again and picked up The Prisoner of Azkaban, but he watched Gabriel leaf through the first pages and reach the first chapter out of the corner of his eye. He wondered how long it would take the bored, arrogant expression on Gabriel’s face to vanish. Sadly, he couldn’t stare too obviously, as that would falsify the results.

As always when Aziraphale was reading, he eventually forgot everything else around him anyway, including Gabriel and including the time. He distantly realised the other angel was there, turning the pages, drinking his tea, but he forgot to check his face, and he completely forgot that Gabriel must be getting hungry or tired at one point.

It wasn’t until the Archangel put down his book and got up that Aziraphale got startled out of his story and raised his head, slightly confused.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’ve been here for five hours and my body is human, where do you think I’m going?”

Aziraphale blinked. Then he checked the clock on the side table and blinked again.

“Oh! It’s eight o’clock already?! You must be starving!”

“Yes, that too,” Gabriel confirmed. “Is your bathroom upstairs?”

“… Oh. Yes. To the right.”

“Thank you.”

Gabriel vanished. Aziraphale suppressed the urge to call after him and ask him to sit down for it.

Instead, he checked on the Philosopher’s Stone and was satisfied to see that Gabriel had treated it well over the past few hours.

When Gabriel came back, Aziraphale already waited in front of the shop door.

“Let’s go and grab dinner, then,” he said. “Then I’ll escort you to the hotel. You need to get some sleep before Raphael stops by tomorrow.”

“Yes, I guess I do,” Gabriel replied with a sigh. It was obvious he still didn’t like his human condition. But if everything went well, he only had to endure it one day longer.

They went to a nice restaurant together (not the Ritz. Aziraphale would never invite anyone but Crowley to the Ritz, especially not Gabriel) and Aziraphale ordered them something nice. He had to admit that, by now, it was kind of okay to hang out with Gabriel. He would still have preferred not to, but you could actually talk with him if he wasn’t after your reports, and was dependent on your help and goodwill.

It also helped to get him pickled on wine.

By the time they were headed to Gabriel’s hotel, the Archangel’s human physique was delightfully tipsy.

“I don’t understand this,” he babbled as they walked along the street. “Why’s there a three-headed dog in this castle? I mean, there are children around! It’s a school!”

“You will see,” Aziraphale promised him, amused.

“I better! This is unjust-… unaccountable!”

“You will have to accept that most of the adults in these books are pretty unaccountable all of the time,” Aziraphale warned him.

“I can’t stand this,” Gabriel vented. “If you’re responsible for someone, you have to take care of them! Even if it’s inconvenient! Even if it’s troublesome! That’s your job! You can’t just pillar!”

That was not the end of his sentence. That was an exclamation in warning for himself, because he had almost collided with one.

He managed to avoid it rather gracefully, despite (or maybe because of) being a little wobbly. Aziraphale reached out and grabbed his arm to help him get back on track after his manoeuvre.

“You’re too drunk right now to take care of anyone,” he told him softly. “Get some sleep, and then tomorrow, Raphael will be here, and we will release you. Then you can go back to taking care of us, alright?”

“I would never let a three-headed dog into Heaven,” Gabriel stated as they walked through the door of the hotel.

Aziraphale smiled slightly and patted his arm. “Do you remember your room number?”

Gabriel shot him a look as if Aziraphale was completely out of his mind. “Of course!” he claimed. “And even if not, it is written on my magic card!”

“Keycard,” Aziraphale corrected, chortling.

“I just read about wizards, it’s a magic card,” Gabriel determined and then he actually grinned at Aziraphale. Once again, Aziraphale wished to take a photo of this rare expression.

“Tomorrow at eight!” he called after Gabriel, who sauntered over to the elevator. “Don’t be late!”

“Got it!” Gabriel called back. Then he vanished into the elevator and behind the closing doors.

Aziraphale stood there for a while longer, looking at the doors, and shook his head. If you’re responsible for someone, you have to take care of them. Gabriel did a rough job at taking care of people. But maybe he really thought it was for their best.

Sighing, Aziraphale turned around and left the hotel. He had to pack his things for tomorrow. He wouldn’t need much, but he liked to be prepared.

He listened to Bach as he packed to get into the German mood, and then he had a bath and changed his clothes. Then, finally, he went down to the back room and made himself the cup of cocoa he had yearned for ever since Gabriel had entered his bookshop.

It was the best cocoa he’d had in a while.

Next: Part Four!

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-02 01:20 pm (UTC)
silverfox: (Default)
From: [personal profile] silverfox
Oh no, Aziraphale, this was a mistake. You'll have Gabriel keep coming back to borrow another Harry Potter book.

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-03 12:30 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Hahaha! XD
I was thinking about which book to make Gabriel read, and then I remembered you had made a Harry Potter joke in the GOHE fic you wrote last year, so I thought "Hey, that's perfect!" :)

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-04 10:44 am (UTC)
silverfox: (Default)
From: [personal profile] silverfox
Harry Potter does have the advantage that almost everybody in this fandom has read it as well so one can expect one's jokes to be undstood.

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-04 09:16 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
True!

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-02 02:09 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I absolutely love their relationship!

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-03 12:31 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Thank you!! ^-^

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-02 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
"He’d had to change it to a good one. Crowley thought he knew which wines to buy, but he really didn’t." AHAHAHAH!

And gosh, I love seeing Crowley's Cool And Bad Demeanor TM and all the layers of it. How it works on Gabriel but not on Aziraphale, but how Aziraphale still thinks it's unpleasant.

Oh, and I also laughed aloud at "They should install hold music, Aziraphale thought. And then he thought of the music angels considered good, or rather, the musicians Heaven had at their disposal, and he scratched that idea."

--DwarvenBeardSpores

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-03 12:32 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Hahaha, thank you!! XD
Oh Gods, your comments are the best!
Crowley can't fool Aziraphale, he has unlocked the I See Through You Skill after 6000 years with that snake ;D
I'm glad I can make you laugh with my story!
Thank you so much for all your lovely comments ^-^

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-03 07:33 am (UTC)
vulgarweed: (azicrow otp)
From: [personal profile] vulgarweed
OH how very SWEET this is!

Oh, please tell me you at least got a photo of his expression! I want to put it on my wall, right next to the Mona Lisa!”

They really are a matched pair. :D

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-03 12:34 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Gabriel can be so glad Aziraphale doesn't use his phone camera quite as often as he would like to X'D
Thank you for the lovely comment :)

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-03 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Aww, Gabriel is becoming more human and tender :D
The angels sitting together reading Harry Potter is such a cute image!
Can't wait to read what happens next...! (probably like what Gabriel is going to say after the first Harry Potter book)

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-03 09:10 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
You just have to make him drunk, then he's okay XD
That's why wine is such a thing in the Bible and all.
It makes everyone bearable XP

And I can't wait to read your next comment! :D
They're all so great, thank you! <3

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-04 10:53 pm (UTC)
notaspacealien: (Default)
From: [personal profile] notaspacealien
Ahh so delightful! Crowley being so tickled at Gabriel's situation and constantly asking for photos is endearing. And glad to see a softer side of Gabriel in this one! Hope everything goes OK...

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-05 02:41 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Haha, thank you! ^-^
Of COURSE Crowley is thrilled by Gabriel's misery, and he can fully admit to it, unlike Aziraphale :D
I'm happy you like Gabriel's softer side, too :)
He might be a prick, but I'm sure he has some goodness in him somewhere, being an Archangel and all.

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-06 01:28 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] maniacalmole
Aziraphale making Crowley clean his hands, and him lazily 'miracling' them clean, is SO them XD
And Aziraphale making sure his plants looked nice! There's him being perfectly him and angelic instead of petty for once, and I love it :)

I can't help but laugh at this poor girl getting a phone call from an angel like 'hello I am an ethereal being is it true you trapped one of us accidentally? Just asking for clarification" XD Poor thing must be terrified!

"Or do you have any plans for tomorrow evening?" SO SMUG

Maybe now Gabriel will finally be more impressed with Aziraphale, not for smiting an evil dangerous beast, but for putting up with this annoying Crowley for 6000 years so he doesn't have to! lol

It's so sweet how much Aziraphale worries over Crowley being afraid that Raphael is becoming involved <3 And how he's 'completely in his corner'.

Harry Potter is a magical series that can even transform stuffy archangels into nice, enthusiastic people :D

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-06 11:57 am (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Let's be real, though, if we could just miracle ourselves clean, would we EVER get up from the sofa to wash our hands? XD
"Angelic instead of petty FOR ONCE", hahaha! XDD
Omg, the way you describe this phone call is funnier than anything I could ever have written, pfffffff! XD
Hahahaaa, maybe! :D "Aziraphale deserves a promotion" - "What? What for?" - "I've spent ONE HOUR with Crowley and already wanted to cry and he managed for 6000 years now" - "... Honey, that's cause he's IN LOVE with him" - O___O
Omg, I actually read "slutty archangels" and was like "Well, he only sleeps with ONE person", but I guess for an angel, that's already slutty?? XDD But YES, your ACTUAL sentence makes much more sense :'D

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-07 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] maniacalmole
Omg NO I didn't mean to call Gabriel a slut! DX
Oh nooooo Crowley made Gabriel want to cry!? lol Poor thing!
Gabriel: Aziraphale's in love with someone who is specifically mean to me? Puh, typical....

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-08 03:43 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] sous_le_saule
I'm still enjoying this very much! Some bits I found especially funny:

"Crowley thought he knew which wines to buy, but he really didn’t."
"Oh, please tell me I get to discorporate him!”
"Oh, please tell me you at least got a photo of his expression! I want to put it on my wall, right next to the Mona Lisa!”
"They should install hold music, Aziraphale thought. And then he thought of the music angels considered good, or rather, the musicians Heaven had at their disposal, and he scratched that idea."

Gabriel is adorable when he's on the phone with Raphael :)

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-09 10:55 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Aw, thank you so much! ^-^
And thanks for letting me know which bits you enjoyed!
Raphael is the Archangel of healing, and it seems he can also heal Gabriel's grumpiness ;)
Your comment made me really happy, thank you so much! <3

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-08 11:09 pm (UTC)
sonnet23: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sonnet23
"You can’t just pillar!" - Ahahahaha, perfect!
Drunk Gabriel is a dear! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-09 10:56 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Hahahaaa, thank you! XD
He should be drunk more often XP

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-09 06:02 pm (UTC)
edna_blackadder: (Default)
From: [personal profile] edna_blackadder
OK, a thousand hat tips for actually writing the phone call dialogue in German. :) And I laughed WAY TOO HARD at "You can't just pillar!" Amazing.

(no subject)

Date: 2018-12-09 10:58 pm (UTC)
secret_kraken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] secret_kraken
Thank you! ^-^
I was on the fence about it because not everyone understands German, but then I thought it would make the story more authentic.
I'm glad that you enjoyed it! :)
And I'm happy you enjoyed drunk Gabriel as well! XD
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! <3
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