Happy Holidays, mangy_mongrel!

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Title: "Dear Adam"
Gift for: mangy_mongrel
Author: Anom Anonimu A secret! ;)
Rating: A nice and innocent G
Summary: Adam has an advice column, and various Good Omens characters write in to ask for advice (handwritten-notes included!). Includes Aziraphale/Crowley, the Them (Brian/Wensleydale), the Horsemen (slight Famine/Pollution), "cheese, the edible kind", and more!

Author's notes/warnings: This fic has no plot. Also -- Large amount of images behind the cut. I seriously apologize if you have dial-up, mangy_mongrel. :(





The short but carefully printed note was posted (with permission) on a dingy wall in the Lower Tadfield post office. Below the note sat an old shoebox with a slot cut into the lid. It was a seemingly harmless box at first glance, but if, by chance, anybody besides Adam tried to pry it open, it would twist and fall in a series of shockingly acrobatic moves¹, send up dust clouds that gave the person coughing fits, inexplicably slip from their grasp, and basically resist all their attempts.

At first thought, most people would accuse Adam of going slightly mad. Why would the Adversary, Destroyer of Worlds, Prince of Darkness, (&c., &c.) be running an advice column, of all things?

As with most things, he had his reasons for this display of 'Dear Abby' prowess. It was because he had finally become exasperated with the state of affairs among his friends (and others, who should possibly be considered 'acquaintances' rather than friends), and was also fully aware of the fact that sooner or later, anyone who needed his help would read the sign and leave a message. Whether they really wanted to or not.

Throughout the course of the month, various notes arrived. Only one of them had an actual signature, but all of them were so glaringly obvious (though they obviously tried not to be) that Adam simply smiled, shook his head knowingly, and wrote back with the proper advice. Of course, a few of the notes were from various townsfolk, but the notes that interested Adam the most read as such, in no particular order:

¹Shocking for a non-animated object, that is.




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Excerpt from a news article:

Yahoo: Odd News
Man in Miami, Florida claims to have had a near-death experience.

MIAMI, Florida (AP) -- Larry Jonathan Andrew Juurmawm of Miami, Florida finally concluded his two-week stay at Jackson Memorial Hospital last Thursday. Juurmawm, age 35, was in the hospital because of a near-fatal collision on 1-75. When he awoke from unconsciousness, he claimed that he had had a near-death experience involving, oddly enough, a personification of death itself.

"Yeah, man. It was like ... I was walking towards a bright light, all peaceful and stuff. And then this figure in a hooded robe suddenly appeared before me and was all like the Grim Reaper, you know? And then he says something that sounded vaguely like 'So that's what it tastes like.', but it could've been ... I don't know, 'So that's what paste is like'. But it was all ominous-like, so I really have no clue. You know?" was his description of the event. After this occurred, he woke from his coma and recovered fairly quickly from his injuries.

Juurmawm attempted to consult occult experts on this, but according to him "They're interested in near-death experiences that only include the bright lights and stuff. But I'm being serious, man."

End.

Comments

[waxbean.livejournal.com]

ooh - I'm loving this so far -- but, quickly, I wanted to let you know that when I click on the "text only" for the letters, I'm taken to an "Error: protected entry" page.

[lovessacrifice.livejournal.com]

Same thing, and most annoyed that I apparently can read my crappy handwriting but not anyone else's handwriting.

[linnpuzzle.livejournal.com]

OMFG. I love the letter format. Pepper's was so amusing. And the pawprint! Heeheeheheheh!

How many different people did you get to write for this project? :D

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

*grin* Thanks! And actually ... it was all written by me. :)

[waxbean.livejournal.com]

I LOVE this to pieces!!!!!!!!


to pieces, I tell you!!!!!

What a clever idea -- you've done such a great job with each of the characters and their concerns...

I wonder what Adam will say.

(ps. Dog! that is bloody adorable!).

thanks so much for this piece!

--Mary

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :D

It was a greater undertaking than I had originally planned, but it was fun.

YOU WIN TEH INTERNETS

[gabbysun.livejournal.com]

. . . I love you.

I love this.

Hoooooly craaaaap. BRILLIANCE.

*adds to memories* Major, major props, Secret Writer! Man, mangy_mongrel is a dang lucky lady. (Please please be a lady).

Seriously, though. I am impressed. *pretty unverbose and understating right now* Way to help me not do my English term paper! :D THANKS!

Re: YOU WIN TEH INTERNETS

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

*blush* Aww, thanks.

... And I am all for procrastination. ;)

[lovessacrifice.livejournal.com]

I love this but I have one question: who's the person who was created because he was ignored? *is most puzzled*

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Pollution. ;)

[paper-apples.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! Super! I really do love Adam. :D I think this is a terrific idea.

I can't figure out who's "not just a pretty face", though...

[mangy-mongrel.livejournal.com]

I think it might be War. Not sure, though.

[dwightsredshoes.livejournal.com]

This is twice in one night that a post has been awesome enough for me to battle my dial-up.

+memory

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Yeesh, dial-up. I know how that is.

But thanks for the comment! ♥

[mangy-mongrel.livejournal.com]

OMG. I LOVE YOU AND CAN I HAVE YOUR BABIES? *which will probably be twins given the trend* *has already had 2 sets of twins, one set by Crowley and one set by Aziraphale* *in Sims 2*

I can't believe someone actually did something like this for me! *blushes*

They're all so... them! XD Especially Dog. I love grilled cheese sandwiches. Mmm...

I think you meant excerpt from a news article, though.

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Eeee, I'm glad you like it! It started out as the Them at Chuck E. Cheese's, but somehow evolved (after 13 plot changes) into this monster of a fic. x___x

Anyways, it was fun to do, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed reading it. :D

[ajodasso.livejournal.com]

My favorite is Pepper's. That's just like her! And Death's. Nice job.

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Her's is one of my favourites too! They were all fun to write. :)

[musegaarid.livejournal.com]

This is so wonderfully creative! mangy_mongrel is very lucky to have received this.

Although it's all funny, what made me laugh the most was that Aziraphale wrote his note in purple ink. Beautifully done, Secret Author!

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

I'm glad someone picked that fact out! *grin* I had a fun time choosing different pens for each of them, but it didn't scan through that well, I don't think.

Thank you! :)

[meyghasa.livejournal.com]

This is such a fabulous idea, and brilliantly executed! I can't believe you wrote them all yourself - I could never get my handwriting to look so different. LOL I think Death's is my favorite. Poor Death.

-fangirls-

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

It was tough! I had to hold the pens in various different ways to get the proper effect. :) Thank you!

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Wonderful in concept and execution! The paw-print letter! "Subtlety isn't one of my fortes, I'm afraid!" The Metatron's pretentious handwriting! The GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH! (No being should have to go through eternity without knowing that tastes like, I don't care if he doesn't have a tongue!)

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Hee. Thank you! :D

[quantum-witch.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness XD This is the most creative fic I've seen in ages! Well done and very enjoyable.

Grilled cheese :D Hehe!

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

[flail.livejournal.com]

xD that is totally awesome. really.

i especially liked Crowley's handwriting. -shameless fangirl moment- xD;

*hearts*

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks. His was the one I was the most proud of, too. :)

[argyleheir.livejournal.com]

Oh, what a wonderful concept. I enjoyed this very much :)

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[lady-of-water.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU.

*LOVELOVELOVE*

Off to post Day 8 of the Calendfic. :DD

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Whee, thank you! :D

[queen-ian.livejournal.com]

oh man, these are all pricless! the death one made me choke on my own oxygen. grilled cheese sandwish indeed XD

and that news article is hilarious too, it must be said. bwahahaha.

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Yay, that was another one of my favourite parts (the news article).

Thanks! :)

[janegray.livejournal.com]

I like it ^_^

You are going to continue it with the "replies" to everybody, right?

Btw, I am not quite sure I got the first "reply". I think that Death was about to collect a soul, but right before He did that Adam sent him the taste of sandwich or something, so He got distracted or something and the guy survived. Did I get it right?

[teraullia.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm not sure if I'm going to continue it or not; I tried writing replies, but they seemed pretty bland compared to the actual questions.

Well ... that's up to interpretation. Either it was supposed to be a near-death experience anyways, but the guy managed to get a glimpse of Death talking to himself. (I think in his reply, Adam described how a grilled cheese sandwich tastes; this is another reason I wouldn't be able to write the replies -- while Adam knows exactly what to write, I have no clue! I fail at relationship advice, anyways.) Or, it's what you said. I meant it either way. :)

[dreya-uberwald.livejournal.com]

These are absolutely brilliant. Brilliant and inspired. Especially love Pepper and Ligur's letters. I just wonder what Adam's advice to them is actually going to be.

[alys-wonder.livejournal.com]

Pepper's letter was the best. It so completely the sort of thing she'd do.

Oh, not forgetting Death's, of course. Pepper and Death and Dog get first place.

These letters are brilliant!

[shinzuku.livejournal.com]

I love the end.

[sirius-luva.livejournal.com]

Can we pleeeeease get Adam's responses? This is a very different and highly amusing idea; I had fun figuring out which letter was written by who (not that there was much to figure out - it was so hilarously obvious!) and I would love a sequel with Adam's replies!