go_exchange | Happy Holidays, rainbow

Title: Sweet As Pie
Rating: T
Summary: It’s taken Crowley over 6000 years to figure out where they stood in the world, but as of right now they knew three things: one - they were still a demon amongst humans who would go along with Hell just as far as they could, two - that they were in love with an Angel who happened to be just as in love with them, and most recently, three - they were genderfluid, according to human standards, and wished to present more feminine. Now they just have to tell Aziraphale.

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“Aziraphale?” Crowley was hesitant as they peeked around the door to the back room of the bookshop. Aziraphale slipped a bookmark into the novel he was reading and gave Crowley an inquisitive look.

“Yes. my dear? Do you need something?”

“I…ngk, um, no. Just checking in. Are you hungry, Angel?”

Aziraphale gave Crowley a confused look, but he quickly swept it away and replaced it with a smile.

“I am quite peckish, actually. Would you like to visit the coffee shop?” Aziraphale rose from his chair, placed his book on the side table, and started towards Crowley. He gave their shoulder a quick squeeze as he passed by and then began ranting about trying Nina’s new sticky toffee pudding as he headed for the door.

Crowley smiled. They had spent over six thousand years together, so of course, Aziraphale would know they had something important to say, but he also wouldn’t push. They would get to it in their own time and way, and as impatient as the angel was sometimes, he would wait until Crowley was ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crowley came to a screeching halt in front of an unassuming cottage, the flower bushes trembling as they watched the lanky being unfold themself from the front seat. The demon could feel their droopy little petals perk up as he passed. They smirked, knowing they could still get the flora to fear them. But they were not here to scare the foliage into blooming. Crowley needed advice, so they came to the one person who always gave them a straightforward answer, even if it wasn’t anything they wanted to hear.

They barely knocked before waltzing through the unlocked door. Newt let out a little squeak and crumpled the newspaper between ink-stained fingers as if he had been caught reading something he shouldn’t have. He began calling behind him, “Um, darling…” as Crowley shouted.

“Oi Nutter! Get in here.”

“Her name….” Newt was resolute in his defence of his significant other, his better half, as he would say. And Anathema, of course, would retort only with electronics, my dear, which was quite true.

“Yes, yes, I know.” Crowley flapped a hand in Newt’s general direction before they shouted again. “Anathema!”

“Alright, alright, keep your shirt on, demon.” She dropped a kiss on Newt's forehead as he gazed up at her, a soppy smile on his face. Crowley rolled his eyes but didn’t get to speak as she continued. “Could you put on the kettle, please? We’re going to need some strong tea. I have a feeling we’ll be here for a while.”

Newt scooted his chair back as she rounded the table and trotted off with a quiet “Yes, dear.”

“We’re not going to be here for a while.”

“Demon or not, you’re a terrible liar. Now, what do you want?” Anathema sat and rested her head in her hands, a patient but amused look on her face.

“Alcohol. If I wanted tea, I would have gone to Aziraphale.” Crowley tilted and spun a chair on one leg until it was facing away from the table. They plopped down, straddling the chair back and slapping their hands on the table.

“Ah, so that’s what this is about. What did he do now?”

“It’s not…it’s not him. Not really. You know what? We don’t need to do this; I’ll just figure it out on my own. It’s fine.” Crowley started to rise from the chair but was stopped by Newt’s gentle hand on their shoulder.

“Trust her. I did, and it helped save the world.” He placed a teacup each in front of Anathema and Crowley, though Crowley’s came with an aperitif in the form of a tiny alcohol bottle Newt pulled out of his pocket. It was one of the ones aeroplanes serve mid-flight. They wouldn’t question the gift and twisted the lid off, dumping it into their piping hot tea before immediately chugging half the cup.

“It’s not about the world this time. It’s a simple thing, but it feels so big.” Crowley’s eyes drifted to the ceiling, their glasses still darkening the view, but they refused to take them off in anyone's company other than Aziraphale.

“Those are some deep thoughts. Care to share?” Anathema sipped her tea but wrinkled her nose at the strength. She plopped two sugar cubes in and hummed, her subtle prompt at Crowley to speak.

Crowley sighed and chugged the rest of the tea, preparing themselves to do exactly what they came here to do: pour their heart out.

“I’ve realised I’m genderfluid.” They were interrupted by Newt opening his mouth to say something, but they were cut off with a quiet shhh and Anathema’s hand on top of his. “Anyway, I’m genderfluid and prefer presenting more feminine.” Crowley subconsciously flicked their long, fiery hair behind their shoulder and gave Anathema a pointed look, which she blinked at. “However, Aziraphale prefers males, and I’m worried he’ll break up with me over it.”

“You’re an idiot,” came Anathema’s immediate response.

“Well, that’s just rude. I’m leaving and telling off your begonias. Good luck getting them to grow anymore.”

Anathema laughed, and the chair she had been balancing on after finishing her tea landed on all four of its legs with a thud.

“Don’t tell off my flowers. Get back here, you ninny. That’s not what I meant.”

Crowley glared but reluctantly sat back down and crossed their arms.

“Thank you. Now, as I said, you're an idiot.” Crowley rolled their eyes at her. “I say that because Azi loves you, and you know it.”

“That doesn’t mean….” Crowley protested, but they were cut off as Anathema spoke over them.

“Crowley, you know better. He loves you for YOU, not because you’ve got a trouser snake.”

Newt choked on his tea, and Crowley chuckled at her joke, ignoring the surge of mixed emotions that ran through him at her words.

“Haven’t you two experimented with your bits before?”

“In the past, sure, but not recently. I’ve been presenting male around him for a few hundred years, and also when we started having sex. It felt good, so I didn’t want to change it.”

Newt choked on his tea again and chose to dismiss himself at that.

“So let me get this straight.” Crowley snorted at Anathema’s phrasing. “You and your angel decided to have sex as males, but you feel more female—or both, honestly—and you’re afraid of telling him because you think he’ll reject you for having lady bits? That about right?”

“That’s the sum, yeah. And they’re feminine presenting bits.” Crowley scolded as they waggled their finger at her.

“I was trying to be direct, just like you should be. I’ve gotten to know both of you well enough over the past few years to know he cares about you. He won’t care what bits you’ve got.” Anathema sighed. “Let me explain from my perspective. You could miracle Newt into a woman right now, and I’d still want to mount them like a—”

“La la la, I’m not listening!” Crowley plugged their ears while Anathema cackled, her head thrown back in glee. Crowley was sure they heard a flustered, broken noise from Newt, who had been lurking around the corner, but they ignored it.

“I believe I've made my point. Trust me, go talk to your angel.” Anathema patted their hand, which was now lying flat on the table after their impromptu earmuffs.

“Alright, alright, I’m going.” Crowley pulled their hand from underneath hers and stood up, waving at the thatch of Newt’s curly hair peeking out from around the corner. He turned to Anathema, who had abandoned her empty tea cup and wandered towards the front to open the door.

“Ta,” Crowley said as they passed through the doorway, the Cheshire-like grin on Anathema’s face disorienting them a bit.

“Have fun, darling. I know I’m going to!”

Crowley jumped when the door slammed behind them and hurried to the car. They were sure they'd heard a high-pitched scream followed by a moan as they drove away. They considered performing the miracle mentioned, but they decided to store that away for a rainy day. Crowley smirked, thinking about the chaos it would cause as they drove into London toward Aziraphale’s bookshop.

Crowley pulled into their usual spot right in front of the bookshop, and Bentley honked. “What are you doing?” Crowley asked incredulously. They hadn't even touched the steering wheel.

Bentley honked again, they saw Aziraphale peek through the curtains above the shop and smile. Crowley attempted to get out of the car, but Bentley wasn’t having it and locked them in. They pouted until Aziraphale appeared at the passenger side and could easily open the door and climb in.

“Hello, dear.” He leaned over and dropped a quick kiss on Crowley’s cheek, who sighed and let go of their pout in the face of the cheerful angel.

“Hello, Angel. Sell any books today?” The usual greeting.

“Not-a one.” The usual response. At least the routine made Crowley feel more secure. They relaxed into the seat and turned the engine on. If Bentley thought they should talk elsewhere, then Crowley would lean into that and let her drive where she pleased.

Turns out, Bentley wanted to go home. Crowley was perplexed as they pulled up in front of the demon's flat.

“Oh, I thought we were going to dinner,” Aziraphale questioned as he climbed out.

“As did I,” Crowley said, equally as confused, but they shrugged and decided to roll with it as they joined Aziraphale outside the Bentley. “Guess it’s takeaway tonight. How about that new Indian place you wanted to try down the street?”

“Oh, yes, that sounds lovely. I’ve heard they have the most delightful murgh makhani, and I’ve been dying to try it.”

“Anything you want, Angel.”

With steaming hot food in a bag and their fingers tangled between them, Crowley and Aziraphale strolled through the front door of Crowley’s flat. They chatted merrily about the odd customers that passed through the bookshop, but Crowley hadn’t mentioned their visit to Anathema yet. There would be plenty of time for that after dinner. They wanted to address it all together and needed time to gather themselves.

“Angel, can I talk to you about something?” Crowley mumbled around their sip of wine. They had pulled out the good stuff because they weren't sure when they would be able to drink it again. If Aziraphale was going to leave tonight, they might as well go out with a bang.

“Of course, my dear. Is it the thing you wanted to talk about a few weeks ago?” Aziraphale turned in his seat, giving Crowley his undivided attention. Crowley nodded and took a hefty gulp of wine before setting the glass on the table. They threaded their fingers together and leaned their arms on the table, pinning Aziraphale with a serious look.

“This is important to me, and I’m hoping you understand and won’t leave me because of it, but I would understand if you did.”

“Crowley….” A sad look settled on Aziraphale’s face, and he reached to caress Crowley’s face.

“No, please, let me finish.” Aziraphale nodded and pulled his hand back, steeling himself for whatever Crowley was going to say. They sent a sort of prayer to whoever was listening that this went well because, as much as Crowley thinks it would be fine, they would actually be dying inside if Aziraphale left. It took them thousands of years to get here, and Crowley didn’t want to fuck it up now.

“I have realised a few things about myself lately and want to share them with you. I need you to listen until the end, and then you can make your decision.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Aziraphale's voice was soft and felt like a warm blanket wrapping around them, calming and encouraging.

“Save your words,” Crowley told him reluctantly and stood, their nervousness forcing them to expend some extra energy. They took a deep breath and started to talk. Once they started, they couldn’t stop. Words poured out from them like a leaky faucet, building from a trickle into a full-blown water spout. They tripped over their words until they landed at their point.

They explained everything, that even though they had been presenting as a human male recently—in all senses of the word—they didn’t feel like one.

“As an Angel and a Demon, we technically don’t have genders.”

Crowley was flailing, their arms extended as they paced the floor. “That’s not the point, Aziraphale! I like being genderfluid. I like having the choice to change and display myself differently every day. I’ve always liked my long hair and tight clothes, and I want to wear slinky dresses and lingerie. I want a vagina, for Hell's sake!”

Crowley shouted the last sentence, and Aziraphale let out a high-pitched giggle that turned into him clearing his throat. Crowley took a deep breath and continued, trying to ignore what they thought were signs of Aziraphale’s displeasure: the wringing hands, the laugh, his red cheeks. But it was all they could see: disgust and discomfort.

“So there it is. I’m sorry to have wasted your time, but if you wish to leave, I will let you go, no questions asked.”

“Leave? Why would I leave?” Aziraphale tilted his head like a curious puppy, and Crowley melted. Their beautiful curly-haired angel. Hell, they were going to miss him.

“Because you like men and their bits and bobs,” Crowley said matter-of-factly.

A look of sadness quickly passed over Aziraphale’s face before a smile broke through. He reached out to Crowley and pulled them into his lap.

“Oh, Crowley, I don’t care what bits and bobs you’ve got; you are still you,” Aziraphale placed his hand on Crowley’s cheek and sighed when the demon leaned into it. “It’s you that I love, not your appendages, or lack thereof.” Aziraphale leaned in close like he was divulging a secret. “I’ve also heard the taste is delightful. I have just never had the chance to indulge.”

Crowley laughed, a stray tear slipping down their face, which Aziraphale kissed away.

“I should have known your taste for delicious things would outweigh your preference for cock.”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale’s cheeks reddened. “I don’t have a preference per se, and if I do, it’s just you.”

“You silly sod. I love you too.”

Crowley stood and hesitated long enough to see a pout form on Aziraphale’s face before they smiled and straddled the angel’s lap. They swooped in and took Aziraphale’s breath away, swallowing his gasp as Crowley slipped their tongue in his mouth. Aziraphale’s grip tightened on their hips, and Crowley moaned. They adjusted their position, scooting closer so their chests were flush. Crowley felt one of Aziraphale’s hands tangle in their long hair before he pulled, causing Crowley to groan and their lips to separate. They threw their head back, and Aziraphale latched onto their neck, just below their ear.

“Uh, yeah, right there. How would you like dessert, Angel?”

Aziraphale let out a slight growl and grabbed Crowley’s arse before standing and carrying them towards their bedroom.

“I thought you’d never ask.”