Happy Holidays, dreadpirateandi

[musegaarid.livejournal.com]

Title: Easy As Easter
Author: grand_marquis
Characters: Crowley, Aziraphale and (college-aged) Adam
Rating: NC-17
Author Notes: My apologies that I couldn't include Death in this one even though he was listed as a preferred character. Believe me, I tried. But anyway, I did my very best to include all the other prompts like "desperation," "snark," and "dirty talk." It's been a while since I've written any Good Omens fic, so I hope that this didn't disappoint and that dreadpirateandi enjoys this. Merry Christmas! And I hope everyone has a wonderful December!



The University was a trying experience for poor Adam. Classes were harder than he expected. It was nothing like grade-school where classes were smaller and you knew most of the people in your year. And there wasn’t the pressure and the fear of the Real World waiting just outside the lecture halls. What would happen after dormitories, dining halls and term papers?

Adam didn’t want to dream of it.

In a way, even though it was far more difficult than he had been led to believe, university was a nice layover before the world of bills and taxes.

These thoughts inhabited young Adam’s mind, not because they were at all material to the American History homework he was assigned, but rather for something less boring to ponder. Stories of the Puritans burning each other at the stake and drowning each other in the name of stopping witchcraft was dramatic and attention-grabbing enough, but the rather overlong story of the Civil War was so drawn out. Why couldn’t he have taken European history? It was a story of an entire continent fueled by sex, inter-marriages and beheadings and what great story didn’t have at least one of those?

He stared at the screen of his computer, frowning at the half-page of writing he had managed to crank out so far. The damn essay was due the next day, so he couldn’t stop, but his mind kept wandering.

Adam found that the more boring the lecture topic, the more likely his mind was to drift to sex. They say that a man thinks about sex roughly every three seconds, but it felt like a more generalized human condition. Why think about the minutia of early American government when he could be fantasizing about that delicious slide of one body against the other, skin warm and nerves tingling, hands gliding along smooth defined ridges, grasping at each other, pushing, pulling, tongues tangling between lips, moans muffled against one another.

Two rooms down was Brett, a boy Adam had met during school orientation. It was barely a week later that, while watching TV together on Adam’s bed, Brett leaned over and kissed Adam’s cheek during a lull of conversation. It wasn’t that Adam had never had a kiss on his cheek before, but rather that it had never been another boy doing the kissing.

“Sorry…” Brett blushed brightly, turning away and shifting uncomfortably. “I just thought that maybe…”

The truth was that Brett had been quite attracted to Adam since they had met and every time that they had since hung out, his stomach twisted with knots and swoops and there had been far too many moments when he had wished, dearly and truly wished, that he had simply gone for it before.

But instead of the rejection that Brett so fiercely feared, Adam smiled.

“No,” he murmured, “it’s alright.” Asked now what his thinking was, Adam might tell you that he didn’t know, making some allusion to the oft-repeated line about college being the time to experiment. And though his thoughts at the time might’ve been a confused assortment of lust, curiosity, fear, excitement, and a strange, flighty feeling of feathers fluttering in his chest, a light feeling that drove him forward to kiss Brett full on the lips, his actions were indeed in the pursuit of such experiments.

And had you asked Adam at any point afterward, he would’ve actively and categorically denied the growing stash of pornography he was amassing in hidden folders of his computer marked “Puppies” and “Paris Vacation.”

This was not the kind of pornography that he had been accustomed to seeing when he was younger: glossy pages of magazine centerfolds, baring their perfectly perky breasts and shaved nethers. No, this involved quite a bit more muscle tone and use of the word, “cock.”

Indeed, after his encounter with Brett, and their many bedroom romps to follow, Adam taken quite a bit to the gay porn he could find online. Sometimes they were just clips of a football star pinning the new player against the lockers for a hard fuck, but other times they were full-length films, often with such titles as “Rocket in My Pocket” and “Bareback Mountain.”

In fact, going off to traverse the lusty landscape of internet porn was seeming quite a bit more interesting than to continue writing about the mechanics of firing a musket. He minimized his paper and opened his search engine, beginning his hunt for free erotica. Finding one such site that hosted a myriad of clips, all with salacious thumbnail images, Adam unzipped his jeans and slid his hardening cock out from the stiff, restricting denim.

It was unfortunate, however, that at that moment, a knock came at the door. Damn. His mental curses pierced through his hazing lust all too easily as he stood, tucked himself back in and went to answer the door.

“Adam!” Came the too-familiar flowery voice. “I’m so sorry for dropping in like this and Crowley tells me that you were probably off with your friends or something, but I thought it might be nice to come see you.” Aziraphale smiled. He seemed to be holding a tin of some sort.

“What I said,” the man in dark clothing behind him smirked, “was that he was probably off pulling with some girl he met.”

“Er…” Neither being quite true, Adam bit his lip. “I was just writing a paper.” He really wanted to get back to his recreational private time. But to turn them away would be impolite and Aziraphale seemed to be carrying some sort of food, so… “Why don’t you come in?”

“Oh, thank you!” Aziraphale grinned as he walked past the young man.

“Not too bad of a place you have.” Crowley said, looking around at the white cinderblock walls and tile floor. “Least it’s not a hovel.”

“I get by!” Adam snorted indignantly. “And besides, it’s a university, not a luxury hotel.”

“Apparently.” Crowley murmured, smirking at the cartoonish poster that read, “Jesus Shaves.”

“Now, what’s really important is food.” Aziraphale sat himself on the end of Adam’s bed, the tin sitting flatly in his lap. He patted the space on the comforter next to him; Adam obeyed, sitting down. “Have you been eating well?”

“Well, I guess…” Adam shrugged indifferently. “I’ve been eating salad and drinking my milk.” That was more helpful.

“Oh? Is that all?” Aziraphale quirked an unconvinced eyebrow.

“I haven’t been using light dressing…?”

“Adam, you’re all skin and bones!” The angel blurted with a motherly stern face. “You haven’t been eating enough. Now, I know that they say that students that go away to school either gain quite a bit of weight or lose quite a bit and obviously, you’re of the latter.” He pressed his tin onto Adam’s lap. It was a bright red affair with little cherubs flying around it, playing harps and blowing trumpets.

Adam pried the top off, revealing seven neat stacks of baked delights.

“They’re gingersnaps!” Aziraphale grinned. “I’ve been learning how to bake lately. I’ve had Crowley tasting everything to make sure it turns out alright, but it seems like he could eat nothing but sugar cookies all day and never seem to gain a single ounce.”

“Yeah, well, what can I say?” Crowley said, looking over from Adam’s desk chair where he had sat down. “Tasting your stuff was really just an excuse to flatter you into bed, so I guess its win-win.”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale blushed. Adam laughed, leaning back against the wall a little. It was quite amusing to see two people familiar with each other's ways who were so predictable in how they would react and bounce off one another.

“And anyway,” Crowley pointedly smirked at Adam, “that isn’t nearly as dirty as what Adam’s been looking at.” He cackled as the younger man turned various shades of pink. “What? I rather liked 'Petting Zoo' when I saw it myself.”

Leaping off the bed and reaching for the computer’s power cord, Adam yanked it out of its socket with a very defined pop and the screen went black.

“You… you weren’t exactly supposed to see that…” Adam stammered, looking sheepishly from one man to the other.

“Oh… well…” Aziraphale began, looking a little startled, “It was bound to happen sometime wasn’t it? It’s very natural for a young person like yourself to be curious and try new things like that…”

“Oh, God…” Adam groaned.

“Oh, I don’t think he’s the guy to call right now.” Crowley chuckled.

“Now, really.” Aziraphale tutted. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“I don’t… I didn’t…” Adam sighed with resignation. “I don’t exactly want just anyone to see that stuff on my computer! Let alone…”

“Us?” Crowley asked, slithering out of the chair and sauntering over to sit next to Aziraphale. “Believe me, Az here has a kinky side like you wouldn’t believe.”

“CROWLEY!” And again the poor angel was blushing profusely. “That is not… I do not… the honey and whipped cream was your idea!”

“Honey and whipped cream?” It was Adam’s turn to smirk.

“Isn’t that kinky?” Crowley grinned. “But really, angel’s got this real thing for…”

“Crowley, I swear, if you tell him any more things like that, your hands are going nowhere below my waist ever again.” Aziraphale was displeased.

“Aw, c’mon, angel.” Crowley drawled, leaning in a little to nuzzle against Aziraphale’s neck. “You know I can get you to break that promise without even needing to go there.” He turned to Adam who was now leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed. “Honest, all it takes with this one is a few really good snogs and he’s putty.”

“Really?” Adam asked, chuckling, a little doubtful and a little curious. “Prove it.”

Crowley raised his eyebrows and turned an impishly grinning face to his angel lover. “Hear that?” he purred.

“Crowley.” Aziraphale’s mouth was set in a firm line. “ No.”

But words could not stop Crowley’s mouth pressing against Aziraphale’s and though he may have mustered all the will in his body to repel his lover, the angel eventually opened his mouth to the kisses, letting the demon’s tongue slide past his lips and teeth.

When they inevitably parted, Aziraphale let out a soft, keening sound.

“See?” Crowley murmured, turning an eye to Adam. “Easy as Easter.”

Adam was intrigued. He had elicited such sounds and reactions from Brett before and he knew well enough that the angel and demon had shared a bed, but seeing it there, disengaged and removed was a very stimulating experience.

Aziraphale himself was quite quiet, still flushed from being kissed so soundly.

“Haven’t you done stuff like that before?” Crowley asked Adam casually, as one might inquire about the weather, idly stroking Aziraphale’s thigh. “With other boys, I mean.”

“Yeah…” Adam smiled and bowed his head a little. “There’s a bloke down the hall. Brett. We… we get together sometimes…”

“Yeah?” Crowley asked challengingly. “Prove it.”

“Prove it…?”

“Sure.” Crowley grinned. “I don’t think I believe you. I don’t think you’ve ever kissed a bloke before.”

With tentative steps, Adam eased himself down onto the bed, kneeling across from Crowley. He took a deep breath. With a small sound of protest from Aziraphale, Adam cupped Crowley’s face in his hands and kissed him, gently at first, but then with greater force as Crowley coaxed the younger man’s tongue into his mouth.

Perhaps it was his supernaturally seductive ways, but Adam felt himself feeling drunk off the feeling of Crowley’s lips, more so than he ever had with Brett or any girl for that matter. Their lips continued to move in sensual rhythm before he felt a pair of hands shoving at his side.

“Now that’s quite enough!” Aziraphale snapped as the two men finally parted. “Did either of you really think that I was just going to sit here and watch that?”

“Ah?” Crowley smiled. “Were you wanting some yourself?”

“No, he’s just a college stu…” There may have been an end to that sentence, but the world will never really know for sure because sure enough, Crowley nudged Adam and the young man dutifully turned to Aziraphale to give him the same kiss - thorough, long and delectably slow.

As before with Crowley, Aziraphale resisted at first, but he eventually warmed to the young man’s kisses, coming to kiss him back, making small sounds of pleasure.

Crowley loosened threw off his blazer and undid his tie. “Works every time.”

With his mouth quickly fastening over a sensitive spot at the base of Adam’s neck, Crowley nipped the skin lightly, drawing delightful little yelps. He pressed his hips against the younger man’s tight, firm ass, grinding his hardening cock against him through their trousers.

“Christ!” Adam gasped against Aziraphale’s lips as he sat up, his back against Crowley’s chest.

“He’s got nothing to do with this one…” Crowley mouthed his way up Adam’s neck to his ear. “You see Aziraphale there? All flushed and tousled and all?”

Indeed, the angel’s collar was rumpled and his lips were somewhat swollen from the men’s ministrations.

“Why dontcha take his shirt off, hm?” Crowley purred lowly in Adam’s ear. “He’s got such a gorgeous body, so sturdy and so soft.” He exhaled heavily. “He wants you to. Or can’t you see it? He may not say it, but he wants to get out of those clothes. He wouldn’t be an angel if he begged to get naked with you, so he needs you do it for him.”

Adam shuddered and nodded, shivers running like electrical currents up and down his spine, around his waist, and pooling between his legs. He let his shaking hands fall, fingers running up the angel’s shoulders and landed at the button at the top of his shirt. As his fingers began to deftly undo one button after another, he felt Aziraphale’s delicate fingers trace up his arms, tugging him down so that they kissed once more as the angel’s shirt fell open.

He kissed along Aziraphale’s jaw, sucking hard at its juncture as he felt a hand glide along his waist. Crowley’s hand grasped Adam’s dick through the denim of his jeans, stroking him unevenly. Aziraphale moaned plaintively and soft, squirming and bucking his hips ever so slightly, trying desperately for the friction his body demanded.

“You hear it now…” That dirty, sultry hiss. “You hear him wanting it.” Crowley’s hands were pulling at Adam’s tee shirt and he straightened up, allowing the demon to peel the shirt off, revealing his toned chest.

“He wantsssssssssssss you so badly.” Crowley was breathing into his ear. “ He wants it hard. He may look all soft and delicate, but he wants it as rough as you can give it.” Adam could feel his back pressed against the demon’s bare chest and he suddenly found that no one on this bed was wearing pants; Aziraphale’s cock was laying quite stiffly on his stomach and Crowley’s was pressed flush against the cleft of Adam’s ass. Oh, the benefits of being a celestial.

“But the question issssssssssssssssss,” Crowley murmured as Adam heard a squirting sound and felt the demon’s hand reach around to grasp his hard dick in his hand, stroking it with long, lazy, lubricating pulls, “how do you want it?”

“What…?” Adam groaned, feeling his way down Aziraphale’s body to fondle the angel with all the grace and form of a boy, which is to say, none at all.

“How do you want it?” Crowley repeated, increasing the speed and grinned down at Aziraphale’s flushed and helpless face. “Piston-hard? Jackhammer-fast?”

“I…” Adam was lost and drowning in this sea of lust and surprise. “I don’t know, I’ve never…”

“Never?” Aziraphale asked, looking up at Adam with as much surprise as one could hope to convey while being nakedly groped by two other men.

“But I thought you said…” Crowley’s hand had stopped.

“We never… we never really did that…”

“Oh-ho!” Crowley grinned, his hand resuming that delicious stroking at a much faster pace. “Then you’re in for a treat. How many blokes can say they lost their virginity in a threesome like this?” He bit into the side of Adam’s neck. “They always say that the luckiest man in sex is the man that gets it both ways…”

Aziraphale spread his legs, looking up into Adam’s young face and bit his lip, looking at once apprehensive and wonton. Adam bucked forward, eager and ready to impale the angel that lay prostrate before him. But he was yanked back.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Crowley scolded. “So fast?”

“But…”

“If we do thisssssssssssss, we do it as I let you.” Crowley grinned. “Don’t move at all. I’ll take care of that…”

Crowley leaned forward, guiding Adam’s dick to Aziraphale’s entrance. He rubbed the cockhead against it in long, slow movement, eliciting moans from both men. Inch by agonizing inch, Crowley guided Adam’s cock past that tight ring of muscle until he was about halfway in.

“Go on, then.” Crowley said, “Go on…”

Adam did as he was bade, needing no further encouragement and sunk himself into Aziraphale, pushing in to the hilt. He grunted when he felt the angel tighten around him, crying out and clutching at the younger man’s arms. Adam’s vision blurred as he paused then, feeling that squeezing, wet, slick heat holding him in such a perfectly tight grasp.

“He said go on…” Aziraphale said with sudden lucidity and uncharacteristic impatience, rocking against Adam’s hips.

Adam began to slide out and began a rhythm of long, slow thrusts. As his movements grew faster and a little more forceful, he fell forward onto Aziraphale’s body, kissing him hard. As he slid back, he felt the tip of a finger slide in between the cheeks of his ass, pressing against his entrance and he paused again, stiffening.

“Go on then.” Crowley purred. “Keep coming back.”

Adam reluctantly pushed back, feeling the finger enter him. As he continued screwing Aziraphale, the finger slid in deeper and deeper, soon followed by a second. The feel of lubrication along such an inner, private orifice was cold and slippery, one that contrasted brilliantly with the heat of friction and sex.

But then those fingers were withdrawn and Adam found his hips caught in Crowley’s clutches.

“I’ve been watching you go at Aziraphale for quite a while now and he’s loving it to pieces.” Crowley winked at the nearly exasperated angel who sighed at the action pausing once again. “But you’re not doing it quite hard enough…”

Crowley began to push his long, hard cock into Adam’s tight entrance, both men groaning aloud at the slow squeeze. “Fuck…” The demon gasped. “So tight… it’s like you’re pulling me in…”

When at last Crowley slid in to the very last measure of length, he grinned wickedly, rearing back like a striking snake and plowing forward. He fucked in a manner akin to his personality; painful at first and maybe a bit mean, but irresistibly wonderful in time.

The demon growled, reaching around Adam, grabbing Aziraphale by the hips and pulling him forward to meet each of younger man’s thrusts as he slammed into his ass with loud speed. The three seemed to move together as one being, churning, grinding, moaning, groaning, crying out, grunting and begging and needing and wanting. Their movements, their thrusts and bucking, in unison and with such chaotic precision that it seemed as if their bodies did the moving for them, this carnal dance being one of second nature.

Aziraphale was the first to come, screaming out and arching starkly up, gripping and mangling the bed-sheets with his clawing hands. Then Adam, throwing back his head onto Crowley’s shoulder as he moaned unintelligibly, a veil of fire coursing over his crackling nerves and his vision washing with a phosphorescent white. And finally Crowley, who could contain himself no longer from the spasms that came from every crest of Adam’s orgasm, grinding in one last pounding thrust.

As might a house of cards, the three of them collapsed in a heap, wet, warm and panting. The silence, though companionable, stretched on for several minutes before they disengaged themselves from one another.

They sat against the wall, still close enough to each other to smell the sweat and the salty tang of sex that had settled over the room and their damp skin.

Crowley was the first to break the silence, “See?” He said. “Easy as Easter.”

Enjoy, dreadpirateandi, from your Secret Author!