Happy Holidays, esia/kieren! Part 2
Dec. 21st, 2017 05:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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go_exchangePart 2
Crowley looked up from slicing virtual fruit as screams and shouts began to go up around the showroom. Though he had made some minor mischief during his wait for Aziraphale, tangling together several separate shoelaces into one great knot and misplacing many a specially formulated fertilizer, he didn’t think he had unleashed anything (harmlessly) terrifying enough to set off such a panic. Humans began hurrying past his table, towards the front entrance. Crowley briefly considered following them, avoid getting caught up in anything. Curiosity got the best of him.
Crowley got up and peeked around the towering table of orchids, in the direction the others had run from.
Where Aziraphale had been a little distracted being caught up in the plant proper, from afar Crowley could appreciate the true scope of its growth. The woody vines had grown up along the west wall and had reached the ceiling, pressing against the windowed roofing. The writhing brambles at the base of the wall nearly blocked off the other end of the hall.
Crowley whistled. And then looked up, as he heard the creaking and groaning of metal overhead. A few thick vines had already reached this end of the hall and were constricting around support girders as they grew. As they reached the windows, they pushed and pushed outward until the glass came raining down, the vines spilling quickly through the opening.
With a twitch of his nose, the glass shards were gone before they could fall on Crowley, but the vines were doing the same to more and more window panes along the hall. Hopefully any humans still about would be wise enough to not stand under them. The miracle of the glass into polycarbonate seemed perhaps a stretch of his powers.
Crowley returned to his table and slotted the silver vase plant into the crook of his arm. Time to drag Aziraphale away from the books and get out of here. Or more likely, get roped into doing something about all this. Ah, well.
As Crowley turned to head towards the library, there was the fwoom of a fireball behind him, followed by the crackling and popping of wood and foliage.
“Crowley! There you are.” Seems Aziraphale had already cut to the chase on that plan.
“Here I am, exactly where you would expect me to be. And why were you over there, in the direction of this mess, and not at the collections?” Crowley paused. “A flamethrower?”
“Don’t be impractical, Crowley.” Aziraphale looked at him over his glasses. “Simple, human fuel and ignition is much more convenient than summoning up a handful of holy fire for every vine that trickles my way.”
“Oh, no, I wholeheartedly approve. Très badass.” Aziraphale knew Crowley’s lingo well enough by now to be flattered. “But you haven’t answered my other, more important question. Please tell me you did this, it’ll make my day.”
“What- Why would I do something like this?!”
“… To cheer me up?” Crowley said hopefully.
“Oh. I’ll admit I was trying to do that, but not with… this.” Aziraphale looked uncertainly at the still growing vines. “I assume it’s not your doing, either?”
“Can’t say it is-“ A look of wonder came over Crowley’s face. “Aziraphale. I think it’s human-made.”
“Don’t be silly, they shouldn’t have anything like this for- for… Oh, we both know I don’t keep up with the schedule of when they’re supposed to invent what, but it shouldn’t be for a while yet I’m sure. And certainly not on this scale, this is just obtrusively useless.”
“You know humans. Never do what you expect.” Aziraphale gave a long-suffering sigh.
“No. I suppose not.”
They stood for a moment, simply watching the exponentially expanding plant, a wonder of human science and pigheadedness. Aziraphale coughed.
“Should we be doing something?”
“I thought we agreed we really didn’t make much of a difference last time.” Crowley rubbed at his nose.
“You making us raise the wrong child for twelve years isn’t an excuse to call it a day at any sign of trouble, Crowley.”
“One. Not my fault. Two. Who says there’s trouble? It could be a friendly giant plant. It hasn’t eaten anybody- yet.” Aziraphale shuddered.
“Don’t say that, I don’t even want to think about how something like that digests things… It tried to grab me, you know.” He absentmindedly rubbed at his arm where the first vine had grabbed him.
“I told you not to watch that Shop of Horrors thing so many times. It’s giving you ideas.”
“You only told me that because it has the word “horror” in the title and you refuse to watch it with me.” Aziraphale squinted at Crowley.
“Whatever.” Crowley’s bad mood returned. “Why don’t you just burn the stupid thing down?”
“And the entire building and library with it?” Aziraphale looked horrified. “It’s already growing along all the walls. Who knows how far it’s gotten while we’ve been talking.”
“Have any better ideas?”
“You’re the one with the plant hobby. What do you do with the pesky ones?” Another window shattered above them and Aziraphale waved the glass away.
“I ritually sacrifice them to the fire in front of my other plants, of course. Lets them know I mean business.” Crowley gave Aziraphale a serpent-eyed look over his glasses for effect. “Or I leave them on the curb for somebody else to deal with.”
“Very useful input.” Aziraphale sighed and then perked up. “Perhaps if we simply stepped back for a moment to consider the matter…”
“Maybe over lunch? Who knows, the humans might just work it out while we’re gone.” Crowley gave Aziraphale an amiable nudge.
“Too true. The Cinnamon Club?”
“I thought you promised me On the Bab…”
They began strolling towards the front entrance, only lunch in mind. A vine ventured too close and Aziraphale blasted it away. Crowley took Aziraphale’s arm.
But as they neared the hall to the lobby, they heard the beating of several pairs of running feet against linoleum. The first human emerged before them.
“The- the vines-,” they started, with fear in their eyes. This fear was quickly replaced by blank confusion. “A flamethrower?”
Aziraphale instantly miracled it away. The human blinked repeatedly in disbelief, but luckily for Aziraphale they had seen enough unbelievable things that day that just one more could be forgotten, for the best really…
“A flamethrower? That would be convenient, wouldn’t it, Gladys?” The rest of the humans had followed a second after the first. It was the judges and a few other contestants.
“Yes…” The first human, apparently Gladys, said a tad vaguely. Aziraphale drummed his fingers against his leg and truly erased the memory for good measure. Gladys shook themself.
“Gosh, it’s you two from earlier. You’re stuck in here, too, huh?” Kamala wrung her hands.
Aziraphale and Crowley looked at each other.
“Stuck?” Crowley asked, much like someone who’s never had more trouble with a lock than giving it a disdainful look for not already unlocking itself at his presence (4). Aziraphale elbowed him. Crowley took the hint and attempted to look concerned. He about half made it to inconvenienced.
“The vines have grown all over the doors and they were too thick for us to pull off by hand. We thought we could find some gardening tools in here strong enough to cut them down.” Arnold answered.
At this moment, a powerful vine wrapped itself around Aziraphale’s middle and lifted him high into air. Aziraphale hiccupped in surprise.
“Wh- Hey!” Crowley shook a useless fist at the plant. There were gasps and swears from the humans behind him. Crowley saw Gladys dart to a stall out of the corner of his eye. They picked up a bottle of something, unscrewed the cap hurriedly, and splashed it at the nearest stretch of vine.
The vine tensed, shuddered, and dropped Aziraphale several feet to the ground. Watching it retreat away, Crowley couldn’t help but imagine a dog with its tail between its legs, which was impressive because it was only an inexpressive length of plant slithering across the floor. He felt a little bad.
Aziraphale landed on his feet not ungracefully, cringed, and fell to one side.
“Ow,” Aziraphale said with a pathetic look on his face.
“It was only a few feet, it couldn’t be that bad,” Crowley knelt and put a hand to Aziraphale’s shoulder in concern even so.
“I sprained my ankle.” Aziraphale fixed it with a thought and a grimace. “But, ahem, I’m already feeling much better!”
“See? Up you go then.” Crowley stood and offered Aziraphale a hand up. Aziraphale gratefully accepted being pulled to his feet.
“Why did it attack you? It hasn’t attacked anyone else yet,” asked Evan, perturbed.
“Erm…” Aziraphale bit his lip. He had his theory, but…
“Maybe it’s getting more aggressive,” offered Kamala. Worried murmurs of “gosh” and “goodness” went up around the group.
“Maybe we can do something! Did you see how it reacted to the Shrub-o-Cide?” Gladys was still standing by the table, an herbicide vendor’s stall, and hefted another bottle. “Maybe if we could spray enough on it…”
“That sounds dangerous…”
“Are you sure there’s enough to do anything…”
“Crowley,” Aziraphale leaned in close to Crowley while the humans bickered. Crowley tipped his head down so Aziraphale would be able to whisper into his ear. “I think the plant was coming after me because I miracled the flamethrower away. It did the same after I used magic earlier, too.”
“What the deuce were you doing earlier?” Crowley raised an eyebrow over his sunglasses. “But if it really is just a big plant…”
“Yes! I always thought you were just being dramatic about me touching your plants-“
“Thanks.” It was Aziraphale’s turn to raise an eyebrow and snort.
“We both know you can be particular about them and you can’t deny that. But as I was saying, perhaps there’s some truth to it and when I use magic…”
“It’s like turning on a great neon sign saying ‘Supper’s on!” Crowley grinned.
“Now who’s getting ideas? But I suppose it’s like you said earlier, more like a reflex. Like the flytrap, yes?” Aziraphale looked to where the epicenter of the plant was still slowly growing over the walls and ceiling, unfurling and undulating out.
“It’s decided then!” Evan’s voice rang out. “We’ve got to stop this thing.”
“But it’s so big… How are we going to spray enough herbicide on it?”
“Oh!” Aziraphale brightened, thinking he was about to contribute a very helpful and intelligent suggestion. And under any other circumstances, it might have been. “I don’t suppose there’s some way we could utilize the sprinkler system?”
There was silence. The humans gaped at him. Something told him it wasn’t in awe at his incredible, creative idea. Aziraphale turned to Crowley in confusion.
“And kill every other plant in here with it?” Crowley was also looking at him in horror.
“Oh, please, I think we have bigger problems at the moment than the survival of a few houseplants.” Aziraphale's tanned cheeks turned ruddy, feeling a bit put out and not very charitable. Many of the humans gave him dirty looks. “Your plan to burn the thing down would have done the same.”
“Well.” Now the humans gave Crowley disapproving looks. He looked a little embarrassed. “I wasn’t really thinking it through… You know I was only trying to be difficult.”
“We’ll leave those as last resort, then. Might come to it…” said Arnold, less than hopefully.
“Don’t start that. There’s some spray bottles about, but I don’t know if they’d reach high enough.”
“Hosing, too, but how would we get the herbicide propelled through it?”
“D’you think these would work?” Crowley pulled a novelty bag of multicolor water balloons from his coat pocket. Aziraphale coughed in derision. The humans seemed impressed.
“You know, that might just do the trick.” Gladys beamed.
[4. He said this much like such a person. Most doors would open for him upon a glance, something deep in their woody souls trembling at thoughts of hellfire and how oh, so flammable they truly were… But he’d never really got the hang of cypress. It just didn’t seem very impressed. It always left him feeling a little self-conscious.]
They spent the next twenty minutes heroically filling balloon after balloon with the herbicide. After they had emptied every bottle into about seventy brimming balloons, it was time to put their plan into action.
The showroom was darkening as the vines nearly carpeted the ceiling. Eight adult humans and two very ancient unearthly beings hefted an armful of rainbow balloons each. They encircled the dense center of the plant as best they could, with how it had grown outward to enormous size. The plant simply quietly continued to grow, oblivious to the impending danger.
They hadn’t discussed who would give a cue, so each unsurely waited for another to give an inspiring now!
Aziraphale gave an impatient ahem, and tossed a balloon.
The plant immediately began shivering and shrinking in on itself. The humans began throwing with vigor, encouraged that they might actually succeed. Crowley tossed his balloons half-heartedly, concern slowly knitting his brows.
As the last balloon was thrown, it was clear the herbicide had had a dramatic effect on the areas it had come in contact with. The original mass was greatly reduced, revealing tables and displays that it had engulfed. Even the vines along the ceiling that they hadn’t been able to reach had receded, as if the plant was curling in on itself for protection. The plant was still withering a bit, but the damage was slowing and yet more vines continued to grow. It wasn’t enough to stop it.
The plant wasn’t making any effort to defend itself, attack back. Crowley wasn’t sure it had the capacity to. It was just a plant, nothing to indicate it was even a dangerously poisonous or sporous variety.
“Perhaps we could find some more herbicide about, finish the job?” Aziraphale suggested, knowing he could just finger waggle a few bottles into existence when no one was looking.
“Wait-“ Crowley started, uncertain.
“HELP!” Someone cried out. The group looked around, accounting for everyone.
“You idiots- In here!” The voice was coming from the very core of the mass. As the vines receded, slower and slower, they were finally able to make out glimpses of someone entrapped deep in the vines.
“How did you get trapped in there?” Gladys asked in horror.
“I just crawled in and made myself at home- How do you think I got in here?” The trapped human said acidly. He was now revealed enough that you could see the irritated scowl on his face. Aziraphale suddenly recognized him as the person he had bumped into earlier.
“I remember you! You were about when all this started. Do you know what started this mess?” He briefly looked embarrassed and then quickly defiant, straightening as much as he could while suspended by vines.
“I did this.”
“Why are you yelling at us for something you did to yourself, then? Not much sense there.” Crowley raised his eyebrows.
“That’s a good point.” Aziraphale nodded. The other humans nodded their agreement at this sound sense.
“I- Obviously I wasn’t trying to do this,” they wiggled uselessly in the vines. He realized how stupid he must look and stopped. “My name is Hugo Harris – No need to remember it, it’ll be plastered across the headlines soon enough – pioneer in agricultural biotechnology. Before you, you see the future.”
“Before me, I see a great bloated head.” Aziraphale quietly remarked. Crowley sniggered.
“You may laugh, but just you wait. My Hugosimus giganteus is going to revolutionize farming. Even provided with just the barest amounts of water, light, and nutrients, it will continue to grow and grow…and grow apparently. I need to work on that. But think about how much it has grown in just the last hour! Imagine, crops by the dozen overnight, even in the most barren, famine-stricken lands. The costs saved by farmers would be monumental.”
“My, that’s actually quite nice.”
“With a small down payment to me, and rental fees for rights to continued use, and a portion of profits along the way, of course. But it’s not like they have the choice to grow anything else.” Hugo snorted.
“Nevermind then, huh, angel?” Crowley said, amused.
“If you’re so great and mighty, how’d it really get you, then? It’s not even that fast.” Humans really were wonderful at knocking each other down a peg. Hugo colored.
“I looked away for a moment. Resting my eyes. Developing my masterpiece has taken many long nights, as is to be expected. It grew over me before I noticed.”
“I suppose sloth is their and your downfall alike, Crowley.”
“Hey, don’t associate me with this stooge. I don’t endorse profiting off starvation.”
“When you’re finished prattling, will you get me the hell out of here already?” Aziraphale sighed.
“I suppose we really must, can’t leave them tethered up like that.” Aziraphale told the group reasonably. Many were looking at Hugo less than kindly, and he couldn’t say he didn’t empathize.
“But we’ll have to go find some more herbicide first, obviously.” Gladys seemed pleased that at least Hugo would be stuck in there just a little longer.
“Wait, wait, wait. Hold on just a moment. That’s what I was trying to say before.” Crowley bit his lip. “I don’t think we should douse it in anymore herbicide.”
“Actually,” Hugo squinted at Crowley. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t kill years of my hard work with that poison, as well. Why don’t you want to use it? Want to steal my research for yourself, do you?”
“I really couldn’t care less about your research or potential profits. It’s just…” Aziraphale was giving him a strange look. “Well, it’s not very sporting, is it? It hasn’t actually hurt anyone –“
“I’ve been stuck in here for an hour.”
“As loathe as I am to side with you, it did attack me twice, Crowley.”
“But did it hurt you? That was only when we made it drop you, Aziraphale, and we’ve already established that that was your own slumbering fault.” Crowley gave Hugo an unimpressed look. “And it hasn’t defended itself against us at all this whole time.”
“What? Of course it’s not attacking back.” Hugo snorted. “It’s a mindless crop, not a B movie monster. Though certainly more indirectly dangerous than I anticipated.”
Aziraphale put a hand to his mouth, uncertain. It had grabbed at him, but what was its intention after that? If it just wanted to grow around him like an angelic grow lamp, it had to be admitted that that wasn’t particular malevolent.
“But we can’t just let it keep growing. Look how much damage it’s already caused here.” Kamala’s brows furrowed.
“You’re the one who made the thing. If you don’t want us to kill it, don’t you, I don’t know,” Aziraphale twiddled his thumbs. “Know its secret weakness?”
“Again, not a B movie.”
“It’s a bit like a B movie,” Aziraphale grumbled. Then he turned to Crowley, an idea taking form in his mind. If it really was only a plant, no smarter than any other…
“Then we’ve got no other solution.” Evan said impatiently.
“…I might have something.” Aziraphale looked into Crowley’s face and put a hand to his back.
“You’re making me nervous.” Crowley gave Aziraphale a healthily wary look. Underestimating Aziraphale had never gained him anything. But then, his plans were often at the expense of Crowley’s person or pride, too.
“Why don’t you try the same thing you do with your own plants at home, when you want them to shape up?”
“Please, Aziraphale,” Crowley cringed. This was about what he feared. “You know I hate doing it even in front of just you.”
“What the hell are you two considering?” Hugo looked worried.
“Sh. Don’t you think it might work, though?” Aziraphale lowered his voice gently. “We wouldn’t have to kill it if it did. You’re obviously feeling compassionate for the poor thing –“
“Oh, don’t start.” Crowley heaved a heavy breath. “Fine, fine, I’ll do it.”
“Okay, but what is ‘it’?” Gladys also looked concerned.
“He’s going to talk to it,” Aziraphale said matter of factly. Crowley groaned.
“O…h?” Gladys’ voice traveled several tones, from acceptance, to apprehension, to confusion.
“Oh!” Arnold just seemed thrilled. “I speak to my plants, too, no need to be ashamed. Really enriches them, I think. Though I’m not sure how that’ll help here…”
“Crowley’s approach is… Unique.” Aziraphale gave Crowley a fortifying pat.
“Let’s just get this over with. I want all of you to turn around, so I haven’t got all your eyes boring into me.” Crowley waited until everyone complied, even Hugo closing his eyes. He turned back to the plant, and then began to feel foolish. “Nevermind that. I’ll look like an idiot with you all turned away around me while I’m talking to an oversized weed.”
“Will you stop being finicky and get to it already?” Hugo snapped. Crowley grumbled about ungratefulness, but straightened himself as if to begin a speech.
“Ahem… Hello, you great, big– or bad day, you- Aziraphale, I can hear you being amused over there, knock it off.” Crowley gave him a glare before taking a deep breath, starting again. He looked up at the mat of vines, slowly regaining itself, pale scars of shriveled vines marking where the herbicide had injured it.
“Crowley, it’s getting well past lunch and we had a date, could you leave the being poetic for later?”
Crowley sighed and gave the plant a stern look over his sunglasses.
“Hey, you big, ugly thing.” Seemingly no response yet. “Yeah, I’m talking to you up there with the… great big vines.”
“Is he… bullying it?” Kamala whispered to Aziraphale.
“Shhh.”
“I can’t- even believe you have the nerve to show your face here. Don’t you see all these other plants about? Top of their type, each one of them. Full in bloom and not a blight on them.”
The mass seemed to tremble ever so slightly. Crowley snorted, getting into his element.
“And look at you. I suppose some might say a lack of shame is admirable, but c’mon. Uneven, broken bark. No consistent patterning. Do you have a single leaf that isn’t torn with how you drag them about?”
The vines began receding in on their core. Hugo was suddenly able to wriggle himself free.
“I can’t believe this stupid plan is actually working.” Hugo said in, as one might expect, disbelief. Aziraphale beamed at Crowley. Time for the final blow.
“You’re not even that big, really. Have you ever seen a sequoia? Now that’s big. Uh…” Crowley was beginning to run out of insults to throw at the plant. He looked to Aziraphale for help.
“Tell it it’ll never be as beautiful as the other plants.” Aziraphale whispered enthusiastically.
“Ouch, angel. Um… That’s rich if you think you’ll ever amount to anything like show quality. Woo-wee, would that be a lifetime’s work.”
The plant shook for a moment, and then began to shrivel smaller and smaller. Now the size of a double-decker bus, an outdoor electrical cabinet, a large dog. Finally, a simple, unassuming twig. A single, perfect, dark green leaf grew off one end. Crowley walked up to it and picked it up between thumb and forefinger.
“W-Well. I’ll be having that back now, I think.” Hugo seemed a little shaken by what he had seen, but not enough to forget what he was here for.
“I don’t think.” Aziraphale grasped Hugo’s shoulder. Hugo had already made more trouble than the average person’s lifetime. It couldn’t hurt to balance that out a bit, could it? “Do you know what I do think?”
“What?” Hugo was feeling a little dizzy.
“I think you’d have an awfully fulfilling time using those brains of yours for good.”
“That sounds nice.” Hugo said faintly.
“Oh, c’mon, I’m the one who does all the work and you get them?” Crowley crossed his arms.
“I thought you didn’t agree with their goals?”
“Yeah, but have you been here the last hour? The chaos? I could have them engineer hardier weeds to plague people’s gardens. Make bananas have even more of those yucky, stringy bits. Y’know, evil that’s really going to get under people’s skin-”
“That really just happened.” Gladys stared at the twig in Crowley’s hand. Aziraphale and Crowley suddenly remembered that all the humans were still there, standing around in shock at what they had witnessed.
“Is this the part where we get to do the fun Men in Black thing?” Crowley raised his eyebrows hopefully.
“Excuse me?” Gladys raised her arms defensively.
“Oh, goodness, do you know how much work it would be to track down everyone who’s run off by now? Perhaps it’s best to just let them know. If one of them came up with it, it’s not the last we’ll see of its ilk.”
“What are you two even talking about?” said Evan.
“Of course, we will have to clean up this.” Aziraphale nodded towards the group. Crowley brought the twig up to eye level and grinned.
“Sure thing.”
The humans were all dazedly off on their way to tell their respective loved ones about all the unbelievable thing that had happened that day, and weren’t they just green with jealousy that they hadn’t come because plant shows were so boring… Of course, they would have to make it through the barricade of police and reporters outside the showroom first. They would be alright.
Two human-shaped beings were the only ones remaining inside. They picked their way through the botanical debris, back toward one of the human-shaped being’s show table. Overhead, the cool dusk air and bruised sky of sunset peeked through the shattered windows.
“Are you going to keep it, then?”
“S’ppose I’m the only one who can control it. It’s my responsibility then, really.” Crowley did not seem displeased by the prospect. He twiddled the twig between his fingers.
“I think you just want a new toy.” Aziraphale smiled at the spinning twig. “But you’d best keep it in the garden so it doesn’t get out of control again and ruin the house.”
“Mhm.” Crowley hummed absent-mindedly, considering exactly where he would plant it. There wasn’t any guide to growing Hugosimus giganteus out there. It would take some trial and error.
They finally arrived back at Crowley’s table. It was relatively untouched, though there were some scraps of plants scattered about. Crowley was considering letting Aziraphale help carry the plants back to the car when Aziraphale snapped and they were gone, instantly safe back at home. Crowley had done enough good deeds that day and Aziraphale wanted to get a head start on balancing that back out.
“So…” Aziraphale carefully looked at Crowley. There was something they hadn’t quite resolved yet. “Not still down about the judging, are you?”
Crowley sighed.
“Did you have to bring it back up? I’d almost forgotten with all the excitement.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Aziraphale played with a ring on his finger, feeling guilty. “But I really do want to make it up to you. Though I suppose it would have to be dinner now…”
Aziraphale truly just wanted to go home and sink into the couch with Crowley for a bit. Maybe there were some leftovers they could reheat, he could even throw in some fresher vegetables so it wouldn’t be too pathetic…
“That’s alright. I don’t really want to go out to eat anymore anyway.” Crowley gave him an uneven grin. “You can owe me for next time.”
“Absolutely.” Aziraphale had one last thing for Crowley. He always was delighted by a confession. “There is one more thing I should likely mention.”
“Yeah? I’m still waiting for you to tell me you caused all this.” Crowley elbowed him good-naturedly.
“Honestly, perhaps on accident, but that’s not what I’m getting at. You remember when I told you I was going to finish up at the library? I actually followed after the judges.” Aziraphale became very interested in a piece of lint on his sleeve. He considered telling Crowley he simply had a nice chat with them.
“Go on.” Crowley pushed his sunglasses into his hair and looked at Aziraphale with anticipation. He probably already knew where this was going.
“Well, I tried to simply talk to them, talk them into reconsidering, get them to see some reason, but-“ Aziraphale looked Crowley seriously in the eyes. “Crowley, they were with the most insufferable contestant. And none of them would listen.”
“Uh huh.” Crowley was a rapt audience now.
“So- So I just suggested that they give your plants a second look. That’s all. And then everything went topsy-turvy.”
“And by suggested you mean suggested, yes?” Aziraphale sighed.
“Yes.” Aziraphale stuffed his hands in his camel hair coat pockets, cheeks burning. “Now I’ve embarrassed myself thoroughly for you, does that make up for everything this morning? Just a little?”
Crowley could only grin at Aziraphale for a moment. He really could be just brilliant.
“Come here.” Aziraphale obligingly walked up to Crowley and wrapped his arms around Crowley’s middle, resting his head against Crowley’s collar. Crowley slung his arms over Aziraphale’s shoulders. “Thank you very much for thoroughly embarrassing yourself for me.”
“You’re welcome.” Aziraphale hummed, content. “Would you say that was a good job badly done, or a bad one well?”
Crowley laughed.
“I’d say the bad job was badly done. But the good one was accomplished very well indeed.” Aziraphale chuckled, too. Crowley pushed some of Aziraphale’s dark, messy hair out of his face.
“I am glad.” Aziraphale pulled back a little to look into Crowley’s face. “It feels like something’s awfully upside down in the world whenever you get pessimistic like that.”
Crowley wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He hugged Aziraphale closer briefly before taking a step back, casting about.
“Well. As romantic as all this broken glass is, perhaps we should get going before the police finally come investigating around.”
“Perhaps.”
Crowley’s gaze lighted upon a gaudy, purple and blue rose bud on the ground, its petals bruised from its own adventures that day. He picked it up. As Crowley held the bud in his hand, it blossomed, petals gently unfurling into a deep crimson.
“Cheap.” Aziraphale said and raised an eyebrow.
“Yes. But you liked it anyway.”
“Yes.” Aziraphale couldn’t help but give a pleased smile as Crowley handed him the rose. He cradled it close to his chest. Crowley leaned in and gave him a kiss at the very edge of his smile.
“Let’s go home.”
(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-21 03:12 pm (UTC)-Esia/Kieren
(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-21 03:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-22 02:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-23 02:00 am (UTC)This part had even more glorious scenes, your humour is amazing!
The flamethrower was just AWESOME! XD
Just the mental image of Aziraphale with that thing is making me lose it.
And Crowley is so in awe about it :DDD
Also: "“You making us raise the wrong child for twelve years isn’t an excuse to call it a day at any sign of trouble, Crowley.”" XD
And then they decide to just leave and have LUNCH, I can't with them, omg.
Another brilliant scene was: "“Stuck?” Crowley asked, much like someone who’s never had more trouble with a lock than giving it a disdainful look for not already unlocking itself at his presence. Aziraphale elbowed him. Crowley took the hint and attempted to look concerned. He about half made it to inconvenienced." and of course the footnote with it XD
And of course Crowley talking the plant down was super funny :D
Nice and unusual story, I bet your recipient loved it!
(This was Staubengel again <3)
(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-24 01:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-24 02:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-24 10:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-29 11:03 pm (UTC)"Très badass.” Aziraphale knew Crowley’s lingo well enough by now to be flattered" XD
It's cool how you talk about them knowing when humans are supposed to invent things, like how Crowley talked to Da Vinci about helicopters.
The bit about cyprus is so funny
"They hadn’t discussed who would give a cue, so each unsurely waited for another to give an inspiring now!
Aziraphale gave an impatient ahem, and tossed a balloon." This made me laugh
And this: "“O…h?” Gladys’ voice traveled several tones, from acceptance, to apprehension, to confusion. "
"Make bananas have even more of those yucky, stringy bits." YOU WOULDN'T DARE
This was so much fun! What a good adventure. And the ending is adorable :)
(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-29 11:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-12-30 08:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-04 03:42 pm (UTC)(And cypruses "just not being impressend"? Platinum.)
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-05 12:02 am (UTC)“Oh, no, I wholeheartedly approve. Très badass.” Aziraphale knew Crowley’s lingo well enough by now to be flattered. “But you haven’t answered my other, more important question. Please tell me you did this, it’ll make my day.”
“What- Why would I do something like this?!”
… To cheer me up?” Crowley said hopefully.
I love this passage!
“I ritually sacrifice them to the fire in front of my other plants, of course. Lets them know I mean business.” Crowley gave Aziraphale a serpent-eyed look over his glasses for effect. “Or I leave them on the curb for somebody else to deal with.”
Perfect!
"Aziraphale, I can hear you being amused over there, knock it off.” hahaha!
Crowley bullying the plant! And the footnotes!
And the end was very sweet.
It was a funny and delightful reading! Thank you :)