Happy Holidays, wanderingalice!
Dec. 17th, 2019 05:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
goe_mod posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
go_exchangeRecipient: wanderingalice
Rating: PG
Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley
Warnings: N/A
Summary: “Tell me about Alpha Centauri.”
The night was cold, and Aziraphale was bundled against it, a mug of mulled wine steaming in his gloved hands as he tilted his head back toward the sky.
"Don't know why you do this," Crowley said from close beside him, fingers plucking at Aziraphale's scarf. "You can't really feel it, can you?"
"Well, no," Aziraphale admitted. "Thank you for that, darling." The soft bubble of air around them was warm and welcoming. "But it just seems like the thing to do, doesn't it, if you're going stargazing in the winter." He paused, taking his eyes from the sky and letting them trail down Crowley's form, which was just about as clad as it ever was. "Or perhaps not."
Crowley shrugged, leaning back on the picnic blanket, and Aziraphale imagined that he could see the reflection of stars in his glasses. "Not really big on 'the thing to do,' generally."
"That is something I know about you," Aziraphale admitted.
Below them, holiday lights lit the street in a splash of colors. Above, the stars were dim beyond the city, but visible, and Aziraphale let his head tip against Crowley's shoulder, enjoying the quiet moment.
"Tell me a story," he said eventually, and felt Crowley twitch beside him.
"What?"
"I've left all my books inside, and it feels like the kind of night when something might happen, doesn't it?"
"Something happens every night," Crowley pointed out, "to someone. To lots of someones, actually."
"Crowley…" Aziraphale said, half admonishing and half fond.
“In the beginning,” Crowley intoned pompously, and Aziraphale laughed, reaching out to thwack him lightly on the arm.
“Not that story. I know that one.”
“You know all my stories, angel.”
“Tell me about Alpha Centauri.”
He knew Crowley didn't blink often, but he could see him do it, the slow flicker behind his lenses. "What." It was a statement rather than a question.
"Well, you must like it, or you wouldn't have wanted to run off there, would you? Tell me what you like about it."
"Angel…" Crowley's voice sounded strained. "I." He paused, looking out over the city, up at the moon, anywhere but at Aziraphale. "I've never been."
“Never been?" Aziraphale repeated. "You wanted to run off somewhere you've never visited?”
“Well, when would I have had the chance?" Crowley asked. "I could hardly have left earth in your hands, could I? I’d’ve come back to find everyone strumming harps and praising you-know-who. Can't imagine that would have gone over big downstairs.”
“But you wanted to go...with me…”
"Yeah," Crowley said, his voice going a little flat. "I did."
"We should."
"We should what?"
"Go. There. We could, you know. No one would miss us here anymore. And it's truly a lovely system. There's a nebula you can see off on the far side that truly defies description."
Crowley lifted his head again, staring frankly. "There what?" he demanded. "You've been?"
Aziraphale blinked, still picturing the majestic swirl of stars and sky. "What?"
"You just said. Alpha Centauri. You said it was - "
"Oh! Yes, well," Aziraphale said, flustered. "I...you see, back when it was being constructed, there was a bit of a...oh dear, binary stars can be somewhat tricky, you see, so...they needed another look at the plans. And I was working in the records department at the time. Well. Rather, I was the records department…”
"So you what? Popped over to do a bit of delivery?"
"I...did. Yes." Crowley gaped at him, and Aziraphale took a sip of his wine, buying himself a moment. When he set the mug down, though, Crowley was still staring. "I...don't quite understand why it matters so much," he finally hazarded.
"How was it?" Crowley asked almost eagerly, leaning forward. "How did it look?"
"It looked...under construction, mostly. But…" Aziraphale gave a rueful little smile. "It's beautiful, Crowley. Even still in progress, it was...stunning." His eyes met Crowley's through the glasses and held. "I would have gone with you, you know. If it hadn't been the end of the world, if you had just - "
"Yes, well." Crowley waved a hand. "You didn't." He brushed the words off and inspected Aziraphale closely. "What about…" He swallowed, seemingly unable to finish.
"What about?" Aziraphale prompted.
"Well. Erm. Who was building it? Anyone you knew?"
"Anyone I...no, no, I don't think so." He looked at Crowley closely. "I wasn't there with anyone, darling, if that's what you're implying. It was purely - "
"Oh!" Crowley cut him off, looking embarrassed. "No, that's not what I...I just meant...what did they look like?"
"Who?"
"The...you know. Angels." He said it like a dirty word, like it was a different word entirely from what he called Aziraphale. "The ones who were building it."
"Well, they were...I mean, they were beautiful, in the way any angel is, but - "
"And you had never met them? Aside from this little...job?" Crowley was sitting up a little straighter now, and remembered to take a sip of his wine for the first time in a while.
"I…" Aziraphale concentrated, trying to remember. "No, I don't think so." He inspected Crowley. "Does it matter? Did you know them?"
"Know them?" Crowley repeated, and a complicated look crossed his face. "No," he said finally. "I don't think that I did."
"Then why - ?"
"Never mind, angel. It's not important."
"It is, though. To you." He held Crowley's gaze for long enough that Crowley shifted uncomfortably. "If you'd like to go there - "
"It's not about going there, angel!" Crowley exploded. "For S- for C- for crying out loud! It's just...I should remember it. I want to. And I don't."
"So you have been."
"Been!" Crowley repeated. He laughed, loud and bitter. "I...I don't know. Does at count as being somewhere, if you're someone else when you're there? If you have the fact in your head that you've existed in that space, but you have nothing more than that? Just pure knowledge, no details, no sensation to go with it? Is that really being anywhere? I helped make it, angel. That system. It wasn't one of mine, but I helped, because the nebula was mine. And if you're going to go to the trouble of making a whole nebula, you damn well better make yourself a good spot to view it from."
“Oh!" Aziraphale felt the shock of cold realization wash over him. "Oh, Crowley," he said, softer. "How could I have - ?”
“Don’t take it personally, angel. There was a lot of that going around at the time. Wonky memory stuff." He stared at Aziraphale as if he was just learning what he looked like, as if he'd never seen him before. "Didn't remember you, either." He squeezed his eyes shut behind the glasses, pressing his fingers to his temples. "I can almost...if I try, I might…"
“Crowley…”
“Hurts,” he muttered.
“Crowley, stop!” Aziraphale’s words were sharp, but his fingers were gentle as they wrapped around Crowley’s wrists, dragging his hands from his face. "Don't." He brushed his thumbs over Crowley's skin, and felt Crowley shudder. "I'll tell you, shall I? Everything I remember."
"Don't think I want that," Crowley said, voice low and defeated. "Wouldn't be the same. Just…" His eyes flickered up to Aziraphale's. "What did his eyes look like?"
"Which ones?" Aziraphale asked, flustered, then winced. "Oh, I just mean - he wasn't in human form at the time, dear." He unwrapped one of his hands from Crowley's wrists and reached to touch his temple lightly. His fingers played at the edge of his glasses. "May I…?"
Crowley's jaw went tight, but he nodded. Aziraphale drew the glasses away, setting them beside him on the roof, not turning from Crowley for a second, taking in the soft golden glow of his gaze, somehow wide and open under a brow that was still furrowed defensively.
"Do you know," Aziraphale said, "your eyes have always made me think of the stars."
"Don't, angel."
"Warm, bright, fathomless." He gave a lopsided half smile, letting his thumb brush over the thin skin along the ridge of Crowley's cheek. "Not unlike the rest of you, I suppose."
"Ugh," Crowley muttered, but his gaze didn't leave Aziraphale's. Aziraphale felt no surprise at all when one of Crowley's hands darted up to trap his own against his face, the rest of him surging forward to catch Aziraphale's lips in a breathless kiss. "Stop talking, angel," he said against Aziraphale's lips. "You ruin everything."
"I will not," Aziraphale said, "and I certainly do not." But he allowed himself to be thoroughly distracted by Crowley's lips and skin for longer than he intended. They kissed there endlessly on the rooftop, the city and the stars turning to a swirl of color and light around them as Aziraphale tried to press every reassurance of Crowley's worth into the soft warmth of his skin with his mouth and his fingers.
He ended up sprawled back against the blanket, Crowley stretched out on top of him, pressing lazy kisses to his neck while Aziraphale's eyes roamed the heavens. Eventually, Aziraphale curled his fingers into Crowley's hair, tugging gently, and Crowley let his eyes crack open, looking down at him almost dizzily.
"Hm?" he mumbled.
"I'd like to see your nebula."
Crowley swallowed tightly, some of the langor draining from his expression. "Aziraphale," he said almost warningly, but Aziraphale continued.
"It's not as romantic, I suppose, as running off together while the world crumbles around us. But how about running off together while the world will continue to turn in our absence?" He tilted his head back. "It's been a few centuries since I've been to space."
Crowley eyed Aziraphale speculatively. "You mean it. You'd like to…?"
"I'd like to," Aziraphale assured him.
Crowley looked troubled. "I don't know if I would." He folded back down, tucking his face to Aziraphale's shoulder, and Aziraphale kept his hand in his hair, running his fingers through it soothingly.
"As you wish, darling," he said. "We don't need to. Just know that if you ever decide you'd like to go, I'll be with you."
Crowley made a quiet noise of acknowledgement and burrowed closer. "Maybe," he said. "Maybe someday."
Aziraphale pressed a kiss to the top of his head, and he felt Crowley's lips curve into a smile against his neck as he whispered, "To the stars!" into his hair.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-12-17 02:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-12-17 05:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-12-17 06:56 pm (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2019-12-18 02:53 am (UTC)You've written them both so well, too. I love how they're joking around in the beginning, and you can feel the love between them. And then poor Crowley... just....
[ "Know them?" Crowley repeated, and a complicated look crossed his face. "No," he said finally. "I don't think that I did." ]
That line says so much, and implies so much more.
And I love how careful Aziraphale is with him here. And how Crowley trusts him enough to let him be so careful, lets himself be cared for.
I just... gah, I'm sorry, I'm no good at writing comments, and this whole thing is just so wonderful that I don't quite have the words to describe how much I love it. Thank you. A hundred thousand thank yous. I hope your holidays are joyful, and your new year is filled with light and love.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-12-22 06:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-12-30 10:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-01 04:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-01 04:49 pm (UTC)Nice job!