Happy Holidays, cassieoh!
Dec. 3rd, 2023 05:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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go_exchangeSummary :
-Stars, Aziraphale. They’re older than the stars. When sharks swam in waters only just made, the stars hadn’t all been finished. The Pole Star...it wasn’t finished when sharks were old. That star...there somewhere…
- It’s just above us, dear. Just there, see ?
- No.
Rating : K
Words : 2491
To the Recipient : I looked at your prompt and I instantly had this image in my mind. I hope it did justice to what you wanted ! Happy Holidays!
“Yours is the light by which my spirit's born:
- you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”
― E.E. Cummings
The moon shone brightly over the temple, the songs and the prayers wafting out over the water's edge. The smooth sand-coloured stones still radiated the heat from the hot summer day, and the evening rituals were sending out scents of lotus and sandalwood over the island. Philae was shining with torches, the people outside of the sanctuary's bounderies waiting for the priests who would announce that all was well.
Philae had been the center of a cult for centuries – tens of centuries – and had always stood in the center of a lush island full of palm trees, hibiscus and jasmin, lotus and papyrus. There had never been crocodiles here, they had always left the island alone – the faithful saw it as a sign that Isis truely protected her children and would never allow them to come to harm. So for three thousand years, the people here had built their shrines and their temples and their holy places, and it had been full of light and hope and love. Still now, the chanting of the priests
(– fragrance of the palace, mistress of joy, Who completes her course in the Divine Palace. Rain-cloud that makes the green in the fields when it descends – )
filled the air and reached the ears of the two beings who sat high above on the peristyles. They hadn’t said much since meeting, and in truth they perhaps shouldn’t have. An angel and a demon hardly have much in common, but these two still sat in silence and watched the stars rise over the horizon. They sat and watched and contemplated the comings and goings of the supplicants.
Soon the temple had emptied and all that was left was the warmth of the stones and the smell of the incense. And then the demon turned his serpentine gaze to his silent companion and nearly whispered :
– Sharks are older than trees, did you know that, angel ?
Aziraphale blinked and gave a hesitant smile. As comfortable as he was spending time with the demon, it was still something he was getting used to. Their relationship was still in its infancy despite them having circled the same planet for nearly three millenia at that point, and he’d never heard Crowley speak in such hushed tones.
– Whatever do you mean ?
– Sharks, angel.
– I understood that, yes.
– Sharks are older than grass, older than flowers… They’re older than the rings of Saturn, did you know ?
– Isn’t that a little contradictory to the Great Plan ? I’m pretty certain that –
– And sharks are older than the sea…
Aziraphale looked at the demon, brows furrowed.
– You’re not making much sense, Crowley, have you been drinking the palm wine ? It’s very nice I do say, but maybe make an effort… ?
– I’m not drunk, angel, I’m…trying to say something. Listen to me, will you ?
Words were hard, but it was nothing to do with the palm wine he’d so happily been drinking since arriving in Philae. In fact, he could very happily take on any sort of conversation having ingested copious amounts of any local alcohol and even without the effort of sobering up.
– Listen to me…
– I am, of course. But I’m trying to see what you mean about sharks and trees and –
– Stars, Aziraphale. They’re older than the stars. When sharks swam in waters only just made, the stars hadn’t all been finished. The Pole Star...it wasn’t finished when sharks were old. That star...there somewhere…
– It’s just above us, dear. Just there, see ?
– No.
And wasn’t that the absolute truth.
– No ! I can’t see it !
– Crowley, what’s wrong ?
– I can’t see it ! I can’t see any of them, not anymore ! I can’t see them !
– Calm down, calm down…
– Don’t tell me to calm down ! You have no idea ! None !
The outburst was ridiculous. It wasn’t Aziraphale’s fault, none of this whole situation was. But he’d been having a bad few centuries getting used to the stupid stupid stupid cosmic joke the universe had pulled on him.
But it wasn’t a joke, it was retribution. It was his punishment.
He flew off the peristyle without another word, hardly knowing where he was flying or why; he just wanted to go as far as possible, to outrun the emptiness, but stopped when he felt the angelic presence next to him. No words were necessary, and both of them sat down on a large rock in the middle of the Nile, the tranquil water washing over their feet and the tips of their wings. Crowley didn’t say anything – what could he possibly say that would explain the void inside? The stars were missing, they weren’t there for him anymore, they were dead to him.
*
– Crowley…
– Ignore me, angel…
– No, I won’t ignore you. You’re agitated and worried and I don’t like seeing that in you.
– What do you care ? I brought it on myself, after all. They took the stars from me…they took them away from me and now I’m here and I can’t see them anymore. Cassiopeia… Betelgeuse… The Seven Sisters… I can’t see them, angel ! They knew I loved them so much and they…!
He stopped talking. Aziraphale gave a meaningful stare but didn’t say anything – for which Crowley was grateful. It was more than he could expect from his « enemy » and certainly worlds better than he received from his « allies ». And then the angel softly put a hand on Crowley’s shoulder.
– I hardly think you’re responsible for absolutely everything wrong, Crowley.
– You’re the only one, then…
He hated his voice when it was a Bad Day, and even more when it had been a few Bad Millenia. It was a pale, raspy imitation of his normal voice and it was hardly louder than a whisper – he wanted to fly away as far as possible and sleep and forget everything, but Aziraphale’s hand didn’t move.
– Crowley...
– Stop it. Stop it or I might do something drastic. Like running away.
It was an attempt to mask the situation with somewhat bad humour, something he did nearly all the time because it was easier than actually tackling the issue. But this time something didn’t go as usual because he suddenly felt wings wrap themselves around him, cradling him in a warm duvet of feathers.
It startled him somewhat, as they hardly had this sort of relationship – Aziraphale and he had an understanding, but nothing had been said beyond that point. Certainly not something like this. But the wings were warm and soft and protective and Crowley just closed his eyes.
– You’re cruel, angel…
– How so ?
– Because if we stay like this, I’m going to start sniffling like a baby and that would be absolutely stupid and I’m sure that was your evil plan all along.
There was silence and then Aziraphale undid his wings. Crowley was certain he was going to fly away and that he’d be all alone on this rock in the middle of the river, all alone until the angel once again crossed his path – he could already hear the nearly-silent rustle of feathers against wind. But instead, Aziraphale smiled.
– Wait here.
*
Crowley waited. He waited on his rock in the middle of the river, seeing the sky lighten up and the moon disappear, and wondering where the angel had gone.
(Would he even come back?)
All he’d said was to wait, but for what? The rising sun was warming his back and still he waited. A part of him murmured that perhaps he shouldn’t just have done what he was told – he’d never really been good at that, and yet he waited.
And at last, the tell-tale whisper of angelic wings came to his ears and Aziraphale reappeared, gently hovering in the morning sky.
– Crowley? Follow me…
– Can you be even more suspicious?
– Trust me?
– You know I don’t, what would they say if a demon started trusted an angel?
But he did trust the angel, so he unfurled his own wings and followed Aziraphale across what happened to be half the Nubian desert – where were they going and what had his companion done ? He was intrigued, fascinated and really really bloody curious. It was his main failing, always had been. If he’d been less curious, less inclined to ask questions, maybe he wouldn’t have found himself attracted to what Lucifer had had to say. Maybe he wouldn’t have thrown his lot in with him.
Finally they arrived to the mountain range to the west of the great river, the rocky spine of the country, the formidable Sinaï mountain-range. Very few people managed to eke a living so far away from the life-blood of the Nile, and it was already much too warm for them to be out in the sun. But for two supranatural beings, the heat was only a detail even if Aziraphale kept his wings above them both like a shaded canopy as he led Crowley towards a small opening in the rockface.
Crowley was silent as he followed, wondering what on earth the angel had been up to. He trusted him – of course he did – but a tiny void opened in his heart as Aziraphale smiled and held out his hand.
– Close your eyes, dear.
– Angel…
– Trust me?
He really wanted to, so he closed his eyes. The angel’s hand was soft and warm and fit so very nicely around his own, and he walked into the cave, feeling the sun’s warmth disappear and be replaced by the relative coolness of the rocks all around him. The only sound was their footsteps and the distant patter of water droplets, and still Aziraphale led Crowley into the depths.
And just as Crowley was about to ask if they were going to walk right to the centre of the earth, he felt the angel stop.
– You can open your eyes…
*
Crowley had to blink several times to actually see what was in front of him and even then he couldn’t understand it at first. And then, then he did and it was… It was…
It was the stars.
They surrounded him, shining, shimmering balls of radiant light. He’d been walking through them since he’d entered the cave, like walking through a sea of luminescent jellyfish. A tiny noise escaped from his lips and he reached out towards one, touching it with the tip of his finger – it was really in front of him, it was really there and it sang when he touched it. The stars were singing for him and shining for him once again, after all those millenia… The constellations. All the stars and all their colours, colours that even the most observant of humans would never be able to see.
He could see Aziraphale standing a little to the side, looking at him with a small hesitant smile. Crowley couldn’t speak, something was stuck in his throat. He was standing inside the constellation of the Southern Cross, trying to say something but what? What could he say?
– Angel, I…
– I’ve missed a lot of things, I know...but I hope it helps a bit?
– Angel, come here. Come here…
– Are you alright…? Crowley, if I overstepped…
– Shut up. Just…
Once more their hands found each-other and Crowley dragged Aziraphale into the heart of the miniature universe. The stars around him suddenly wavered and trembled in and out of focus ; fuck it, he was crying. He couldn’t stop it, he could feel his shoulders shake – in one gesture, Aziraphale had given him back the entire world and the silly angel was worried he’d done something wrong…
– Stupid...stupid angel…
– Crowley…
– Don’t say anything. Please.
*
Impossible to say how long they spent in the cave. Crowley had found his voice once again and hadn’t resisted telling Aziraphale everything he knew and remembered about the stars – their beauty, their age, their final destination in the heavens above. He told the angel about their temperature, their songs, their names and all the time, Aziraphale just listened.
He was
(enthralled)
(enraptured)
(….?)
fascinated with Crowley’s voice when speaking about something so important. Gone were the hissing, sibilant vowels that sometimes slipped through when he was agitated or excited ; instead there was a calmness and a beauty that hinted to the angel he’d been. And yet Aziraphale marvelled most at the way his golden eyes reflected the light from the stars. He’d not anticipated this, he hadn’t really thought this all the way through, it was obvious.
And at some point the demon had stopped speaking – he only noticed because crystalline silence filled every atom of the air. Crowley was looking at him and Aziraphale started.
– I’m sorry, what were you saying…? I was distracted by
(the light in your eyes your golden eyes your beautiful eyes like pools of melted gold)
the lights all around us.
– I wasn’t saying anything really important.
– You were and I wasn’t listening. I’m sorry…
– Hm. Close your eyes.
A clear call-back to what Aziraphale had said, so the angel did as instructed. He trusted Crowley, he really did. But in no way was he ready to feel Crowley’s lips on his.
The kiss was just that – a kiss. It wasn’t even a very good kiss, if Aziraphale had had any basis of comparison. It was clumsy and much too sudden, but it was a first kiss that made the stars stand still. Because they did – all around the two supranatural beings the miniature stars had frozen, their voices silenced for this brief moment.
Crowley stayed against him, breaking the kiss hesitantly and then, just as hesitantly, meeting his eyes. Aziraphale struggled for a brief instant to read what was written in the moment, what Crowley was asking and offering and promising. He moved forward, pulling Crowley towards him and the stars began to sing again and the holy dark was moving too.
(O Great One who became Sky,
You are Strong, you are Mighty.
Every place is filled with Your Beauty.
The whole world lies beneath you. You possess it!
As you enfold the whole Earth and all things in Your arms, enfold me too.
Make me an Indestructible Star in your Body.
– Ode to Nût)
*Author’s note : the temple of Philae was active from the time of the Black Pharaohs of the Kushite empire (744 to 656 BC) to at least the 4th century AD, where the cult of Isis cohabited with the rising Christian faith. So angels and demons listening to hymns to Isis and Nût the sky-goddess aren’t as far-fetched as you might imagine !
Addendum : I spent October in Egypt, so I needed to write something based there :)
Beautiful
Date: 2023-12-03 12:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2023-12-04 01:58 am (UTC)This started off so cute, Crowley jabbering on about the world like he always does. I did not see the emotional hit coming to the conversation, poor demon!! But you fixed it, thank GOODNESS.
The caaaaaaave! It's beautiful. And the kiss!!! So gentle! This was absolutely lovely, thank you :) I also loved the historical aspect!
(no subject)
Date: 2023-12-04 07:45 pm (UTC)And the kiss - I hadn't anticipated it, but I really love it when their relationship - whatever form it takes - is established early on in history. I honestly think it makes sense. It's been millenia already! They had to gravitate towards each other, didn't they?
So, it was really wonderful in every respect. Thank you so much for writing it!
(no subject)
Date: 2023-12-14 10:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2023-12-19 11:12 pm (UTC)I really love the way you structured this, the priests chanting breaking into the narration really helps to set that scene.
Crowley's train of thought/way of thinking about it all feels so very in character. His distress about not being able to see the stars is so palpable and heartbreaking.
It really speaks to how lonely they've both been that Aziraphale wants so badly to make Crowley feel better and Crowley is so unused to any kindness that being sheltered by Azirpahale's wings is enough to nearly make him cry.
And then he actually cries with the star cave! this is such a beautiful moment
and the kiss!!
gosh this was such a lovely fic, thank you so much for writing it (and it's so cool that you were in Egypt and worked that into this!)
(no subject)
Date: 2023-12-19 11:12 pm (UTC)