100 Things Crowley Would Do Before the World Ended, Part 3 (Conclusion)

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

***

76. Visit the Titanic.

"I remember the Captain." Being miles under the ocean never posed the slightest problem to either angel or demon. Aziraphale walked across the deck, stroking a thoughtful hand over the wheel, as seaweed fluttered away from his hand.

"He always looked a bit like Captain Birdseye to me," Crowley mused to himself, grimacing at an octopus which had decided the ship was his very own luxury home and was menacing tentacles at them through a porthole as a shoal of fish flickered like sparks of silver over one of the four great funnels.

The angel looked blank. "Was that one of the eighteenth, or nineteenth century Captains?"

"Uh... a bit later." Crowley forgot sometimes that Aziraphale didn't quite share his knowledge of TV. "Captain who liked shipping a ton of small children away from their parents for golden treasure. Very dodgy business if you ask me. Don't worry about it." He stopped in the middle of the deck. "Do you remember the band?"

"Playing until the ship went down," Aziraphale remembered dreamily. Bioluminescent sea creatures clung to available surfaces, outlining them in a tremulous greenish spectral light until the wreck around them looked like ghost-sketch of a vague memory.

"Horribly out of tune," Crowley said, his own memory a bit sharper. "And I think they could have done better fighting for a lifeboat with everyone else if you ask me. Violins don't float all that well, not when they have to hold a human up."

"And then there were the lifeboats," Aziraphale murmured. "Men gave their lives so women and children could live... let them take the boats."

"Some didn't," Crowley said darkly. "They weren't all so noble."

"They prayed at the end." Aziraphale was by now in a world of his own, no longer listening to Crowley's dry comments. "They prayed for help, for salvation, for something, and I... there was nothing... why?"

Because they were humans, Crowley thought, but did not say. Because I gave them human arrogance, which stopped them putting enough lifeboats on the ship; human pride which stopped anyone admitting that was a problem; human selfishness which made them panic and fight and squabble over the life boats they had.

And you... you gave them the kindness and unselfishness that made a man give up his place on the boat for a child, and yet that is enough to give you the hope that they are redeemable. He sighed, glancing at Aziraphale's face, and then looked away.

"I don't know," he said. "It's ineffable."

77. Hear from the office.

The Titanic had left neither of them in a particularly good mood. Afterwards, by mutual agreement, they headed back to the bookshop and opened a bottle of good wine. Sometimes alcohol could fix the things you had no answers for, or at least make you forget for a short while that you had no answers.

When the shaft of blue light appeared behind Aziraphale it was natural therefore that Crowley assumed it was a result of the fourth large glass (the advantage of drinking as a demon or angel was that one bottle of wine could contain just as many large glasses as you wanted it to).

He nudged Aziraphale, squinting at the light. "'s that really there?"

Aziraphale attempted to turn his whole body around to look, lost his balance, and fell off his chair. Trying not to laugh, he twisted to look in the direction Crowley had indicated.

He sobered up fast when he saw the light. Making an exaggerated motion at Crowley to stay where he was, and stay quiet, he stood up quickly, stumbled just a little as the wine rushed to his head, and stepped into the light. "Hello?"

"Aziraphale," a familiar cultured voice greeted him. "Have you been working hard?"

"Er..." Aziraphale swallowed, flushing with the guilt of an angel who might have been doing a little too much keeping a demon out of trouble, and not so much actual work. "Been doing a lot of thwarting lately?" he offered hopefully. "Keeps you very busy, all this thwarting. No sooner do you finish off one wile than you see another one and think ooo, I should really thwart that before it gets any worse..."

Across the table, Crowley gestured at him urgently. He shut up.

"Yes, well, it hardly matters now," the voice said, sounding disinterested. "Have you been in contact with Crowley recently?"

Aziraphale froze, feeling the pleasant haze of alcohol vanish. "Crowley?" he queried, voice turning to a squeak, seeing the demon pale.

"Yes, Crowley," the voice said, a little impatiently. "You might recall him. Demon, helped you stop the Apocalypse?" And though it didn't say it, there was the undertone of and don't think anyone has forgotten that.

"Oh, Crowley," Aziraphale said, voice forcedly jovial now. "That Crowley. Oh yes, I thwart him quite often actually. Only the other day, I stopped him..."

"Contact him," the voice interrupted, voice brisk. "Immediately. We need to set up an alliance."

"An alliance?" Aziraphale echoed stupidly.

"Is this a bad connection? Can you not hear me properly?" And now the voice sounded annoyed. "If we need to come down there..."

"No, no, that's fine," Aziraphale said hastily. "I just don't quite think I understand. What kind of alliance?"

"Why, an alliance of war of course." The tone indicated that this should be obvious.

Aziraphale felt his stomach turn. "I see. And this would be war against...?"

"The humans," the voice said matter of factly.

He saw Crowley sit up and glance at him anxiously, and realised that this time it must be him who had paled. "I don't understand. Why are we fighting the humans?"

The voice was crisp, annoyed and sharp. "Aziraphale, are you questioning the ineffable plan?"

"No, no, of course not. I just..."

"We have noticed that you have been doing quite a lot of questioning lately. Perhaps we do need to come down and deal with things personally."

"No, that's fine!" Aziraphale blurted, alarmed. If they sent Gabriel, or worse the Metatron to deal with Crowley, well. The demon's manners could not be trusted. They wouldn't understand his little jokes as Aziraphale did. "Contact Crowley, arrange alliance! I've got it!"

"If you have any problems getting in touch..."

"No, no, I'm sure there will be no problems." He glanced again at Crowley.

Crowley pointedly refilled his glass of wine.

"Anyway, I'll be getting on with that straight away. Better be going now for that. Bye!"

78. Panic.

Because Crowley was a demon, saying "I told you so," was pretty much compulsory. Because Aziraphale was Aziraphale, however, he did at least make sure the angel had a full glass of wine before he did so.

"Maybe it won't be so bad," the angel said helplessly.

"Them against Us? Hard to see how it could be good," Crowley reasoned. "We've got the power of Heaven and Hell behind us and them? They've got imagination. And Him of course."

"We could win." Knowing humans made that far from a certainty. Humans were good at imagination. They might win even without Him on their side. Heaven and Hell wouldn’t think that of course; they had the power but history was littered with examples of superior power being defeated by brilliant strategy.

"And then afterwards we get pulled back home, and they start using those weapons they've built up against each other," Crowley predicted glumly.

Aziraphale stared into his glass of wine. "They could win?" he suggested hopefully.

"And then... well. And then nothing. Not for us anyway. That's the point," Crowley said, voice filled with the calm of someone who'd already thought this out in a long sleepless night. "I wonder what it's like to die when there's nowhere to go?"

"Like... nothing. You just stop existing." Aziraphale took a desperate gulp of his wine. "I just... why would we? Are they attacking? But He wasn't interested!"

"Maybe He changed his mind," Crowley sighed. "I'll see what I can find out. Maybe we can talk him out of it. But... it doesn't look good."

And there was a line of lyric going around and around in his mind his dread growing with every repetition,
ë...Imagine there's no Heaven, it's easy if you try. No hell below us, above us only sky...’

79. Find out what's going on.

"I say a little prayer for yo- YES CROWLEY?"

"I've had communication from the angel, lord." Crowley carefully did not look at Aziraphale, who was sitting next to him, fingers tapping an anxious tune against the glove compartment. "Asking for an alliance."

"YES?" There was the same trace of impatient annoyance Aziraphale had heard when communicating with Upstairs.

"Against the humans, Lord," Crowley clarified, as though it might be unclear.

"WELL, WE WEREN'T GOING TO APPROACH THEM FOR A WHILE YET. STILL, IT'S BETTER THEY COME TO US. PUTS US IN A POSITION OF STRENGTH," Aretha Franklin's voice said thoughtfully. "PUT HIM OFF FOR A WHILE. THEY WILL OFFER MORE IF WE SEEM RELUCTANT."

"Yes, lord," Crowley said, grateful once more that no-one ever bothered to look and see what he was doing when he had these conversations. "Uh. Are we at war with the humans, lord?"

"NOT AS SUCH," the radio said dismissively.

"No?" Crowley felt his heart leap for a moment, and saw, from the corner of his eye, Aziraphale's face brighten.

"IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO COMMIT TO WAR WITH SUCH... BEINGS. THE HUMANS ARE FAULTY. OTHERWISE THEY WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED THE PLAN. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT THE BEST THING TO DO UNDER SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES IS TO GET RID OF THEM AND TRY AGAIN."

"Try again?" Crowley said slowly, as Aziraphale lost his smile. "You mean like... start a new game board?" One that could be persuaded to play along this time. One which didn't resist, didn't remain stubbornly and annoyingly human rather than good or evil.

"IF THAT IS THE WAY YOU WISH TO PHRASE IT. DO NOT THINK YOUR EARLIER ATTEMPTS TO STOP THE WAR HAVE BEEN FORGOTTEN," Aretha said, her voice holding a sharpness which made Crowley squirm in his seat. "THE WAR IS NOT STOPPED. IT IS MERELY... DELAYED, UNTIL A MORE SUITABLE TIME AND PLACE CAN BE FOUND."

"Yes, lord," Crowley said meekly, grimacing at Aziraphale.

"SPEAK TO THE ANGEL. DELAY AN ALLIANCE FOR NOW, UNTIL HEAVEN GETS DESPERATE ENOUGH TO OFFER US MORE THAN THEY WISH TO GIVE," Aretha instructed firmly. "AND CROWLEY? THIS TIME MAKE SURE YOU DO YOUR JOB. THE CONSEQUENCES FOR FURTHER DISOBEDIENCE WILL BE... SEVERE."

"Understood, Lord." Crowley closed his eyes to stop himself seeing Aziraphale's sympathetic look. "I'll get onto that now, Lord."

"GOOD- that's how it must be, to live without you..."

It was a moment before Crowley reached out, with a hand that only shook a little, and turned the radio off.

80. Have lunch in pictureseque little cafe in Tottenham.

"They can't do this!"

"Yes," Crowley said, wearily nursing his cup of coffee. "They can."

"But... the entire human race! The entire world!"

Crowley shrugged. "The way they see it, they can always make another one."

"It wouldn't be the same one," Aziraphale said stubbornly.

"No. But do you actually think any of them spent enough time on here to know the difference?" Crowley asked. "Look, think of it like my plants. If one of them isn't growing right, I get rid of it, and get another. And I make damn sure the replacement knows what happened so that one doesn't feel like getting all uncooperative."

"But-"

"And if you think my people are going to let me near anything vital this time after the last fiasco, you can forget it. Yours too, judging from how they were speaking to you. There'll be no babies this time, no leaving us alone to try to screw it up. The slightest hint that we're not behaving and..." Crowley gestured, "back we go."

It had been the flaw in pointing out that perhaps the Apocalypse as it had been written might not be Ineffable. It left things right open for Heaven or Hell to say, in that case... what we do now cannot be wrong.

"So, what do we do?" Aziraphale asked helplessly.

"We take this as a gift," Crowley said firmly. "We at least have an excuse to be seen together now. We've got orders to work together even. So, we do as we're told, we work together on the idea of forming an alliance, and..." he tapped the table, "we make sure we enjoy the rest of the list."

"The list?" Aziraphale said weakly. "Even now?"

"Especially now," Crowley confirmed. "If these are our last days on earth, I'm going to enjoy it."

81. Do something about Milton Keynes.

"Do I need to ask why? I mean, not that I'm objecting or anything. It's the kind of thing I'm totally in favour of in principle. I just... why?"

"Because when this war starts, there's a fifty per cent chance that every human on earth will be wiped out," Aziraphale said, as though that should explain everything.

"And?"

"And would you want to have spent your entire life living in Milton Keynes if you were going to die tomorrow?"

Crowley had to admit he had a point.

"So, you think we should arrange for the houses in Milton Keynes to suddenly be worth more than the houses in the rest of the country?" he queried, just to be certain.

Aziraphale nodded eagerly. "Anyone given the option of selling their house in Milton Keynes to buy a mansion elsewhere in the country would take it, I'm sure."

Crowley, who had his own views about how the country would react to the great housing crash of 2008, did not bother to correct him. Sometimes you just had to let Aziraphale's optimism work itself out.

82. Teach Aziraphale to sleep.

"But virtue is..."

"Ever-vigilant. I know," Crowley said. "Although," he couldn't resist adding a little snidely, "it does occasionally seem to take a five minute break at old book fairs."

"That's not the point!" Aziraphale protested. "I know that if I lie down and close my eyes for five minutes you'll take advantage of it to cause some major disaster."

"You think that I don't while you're at old book fairs?" Crowley grinned. "Lie down, angel. Rest. I'll try not to let the apocalypse happen without you."

It didn't take the suspicious look out of Aziraphale's eyes. "If you get up to anything..."

"You can smite me when you wake up," Crowley reassured. "Thwarting my wiles can wait until morning. Believe me."

Aziraphale's expression reminded him of a child afraid to go to bed in case everyone threw a party without him. He stared at Crowley untrustingly. "Why do you want me to sleep?"

"Because it's the single strangest experience humans have ever discovered, and you haven't even tried it once," Crowley said firmly. "Sleep, angel. Dream. Create endless realities that make no sense and will be forgotten on waking."

"No-one can create realities," Aziraphale protested. "No-one except, well..."

The demon laughed. "Believe me, humans do it every night. Which explains a lot about them. Just give it a try."

He didn't say, because sleep will iron out that worried line between your eyes that appeared when you realised this wasn't just me playing around.

He didn't say, we're running out of time and if you can have eight hours when you don't remember what we're running from it would be time well-used.

He didn't say, I need you to sleep for me, because when I try I have nightmares about what's going to happen and I can't stop it.

He didn't say any of those things. But when Aziraphale did sleep, Crowley sat and watched until the angel's peaceful expression sent him into his own slumber.

83. Eat ice cream.

"Human imagination," Crowley said, voice a little awed. "Applied to the sweetest salvation, the most terrible torture and... ice cream. Where do they get these ideas?"

"I think some of them might be torture as well, actually." Aziraphale had been reading some of the labels. "There's an octopus flavour there."

"No! Really?" Crowley stared at the collection of tubs.

"And goat. Not just goat milk," Aziraphale hastened to point out. "But...actual pieces of goat. Why would you put goat in icecream?"

"Maybe they ran out of goat milk?" Crowley suggested. "Anyway, at least that one's cooked. How about raw horseflesh?"

"What's wrong with strawberry?" Aziraphale asked, sounding a little mournful. "I like strawberry. And chocolate."

"I told you. It's the experience. Now, help me gather those tubs."

They piled the trolley high, wheeling it past a bored shop assistant who rang them through as though raw horseflesh icecream was something people bought every day. Probably it was.

"We'll start as soon as we get home," Crowley said cheerfully. "Should take a while to get through. Thirty nine flavours of ice cream!"

"I stopped counting after the wheat flavour," Aziraphale noted. "It may be more."

84. Attempt to fix the stockmarkets (in my own way).

"You've got to let me," Crowley cajoled. "I broke it. I should be allowed to at least attempt to fix it."

"Normally, I would be all in favour of that kind of thing," Aziraphale agreed. "But... it's you."

"Don't you trust me?" Crowley tried his best hurt expression, lowering his sunglasses slightly.

"Crowley," Aziraphale said patiently. "I know you."

"This is true." And that earned him a grin, the hangdog expression quickly vanishing. It was hard not to take pride in his work, even if it could make things more difficult at turns. "Still. I'm not doing anything that your people haven't done."

"Hardly in the same situation," Aziraphale protested, but looked doubtful. "You really think it'll work?"

"Read the papers. It's all about fear. They're selling things because they're afraid," Crowley waved the newspaper at him. "So, all I'm proposing is to... take away the fear."

It sounded amazingly reasonable, but then most things the demon suggested usually did. Reluctantly, Aziraphale nodded. "If that's all then."

The trading floor was jittery as Crowley wandered casually into the middle of it. He could feel the anxiety bleeding from each trader, follow each back to find the side-effects, the guilty secrets in each mind. There were the arguments called by the lack of finances, the man who had been beastly to his daughter due to stress, the man who was having an affair and told himself he needed it to relax now... Crowley could feel it all, the bad behaviour, the justifications. He smiled at the satisfaction of a bad job well done, and continued walking until he was stood in the middle of the room.

It was few moments before the closest trader looked up from scrolling rolls of numbers, and noticed the wings starting to emerge from the back of Crowley's shirt. He gaped, wondering if he'd finally snapped the way they were always telling him he would under all this high pressure. Maybe it was time to give it up and become a teacher. A class of rowdy 14 year olds would feel positively peaceful after this.

He turned to prod the man next to him. The man glared at him, but continued speaking into his phone. It was a moment before he too noticed the figure in the middle of the room, and fell silent.

One by one other people noticed, eyes drawn to the wings, to Crowley's calm expression and the angelic beam of light spotlighting him on the exchange floor. It was hard to remember the last time in working hours when the London stock exchange had been so quiet.

Time for Crowley's big moment. He opened his wings dramatically, playing to his audience, and spoke in a loud clear voice. "Don't be afraid!"

The silence was such that you could have heard a pin drop. The traders seemed glued to the spot, staring at the demon.

Then, after a moment, the worst shout went up. "It's the end of the world! SELL! SELL! SELL!"

As though a spell was broken, the traders turned back to their machines, fingers frantically tapping on keyboards, graphs once more heading in a resolutely downwards direction.

Crowley grinned to himself. It was hardly his fault if the people now couldn't do as they were told.

85. Deny everything.

"You knew that would happen, didn't you?" Aziraphale said accusingly.

Crowley widened his eyes innocently. "I did exactly as I promised. I guess I'm just not as convincing as your people."

"Mmhm." The angel did not look convinced.

Crowley nudged him. "Look at it this way. I'm probably doing you a favour. How does it go - you cannot worship both God and money? Maybe they'll worship it less if they haven't got any."

86. Invite all your friends to a big party.

"Another one out of the human book of suggestions?"

"Something like that," Crowley agreed, leaning over to top up Aziraphale's wine.

"So, who's coming then? Him? The kids?" It was in fact the fourth or fifth time Crowley had topped up Aziraphale's glass. He didn't object.

"No. They're under-age," Crowley pointed out.

"You've never let that bother you before," Aziraphale said reasonably.

"Yes well, I'd invite them, and then you'd have to thwart me by giving them a lecture on the dangers of alcohol and accepting invitations from strange demons, and then I'd have to tempt them to slip some vodka into the fruit juice you gave them..." Crowley shrugged. "So I thought this could be a night off."

"Not the kids then," Aziraphale nodded. "The other humans then? Anathema and Newton? Shadwell and Madame Tracy?"

Crowley waved a hand dismissively. "Just because you've stopped an Apocalypse with someone hardly makes them friends, does it? Not like you've known them for a few centuries."

By that qualification, that excluded all humans then. Aziraphale swallowed, feeling his mouth go dry. "Other demons?"

Crowley looked at him as though he'd lost his mind. "Have you met any other demons? Would you invite them to a party?"

"Well... no," Aziraphale admitted.

"Besides, they haven't got the hang of life up here yet. They'd be busy the entire time trying to find out how humans had managed to fit a band in the CD player or something."

That got a smile out of the angel, but wasn't quite enough to make him drop the subject. "So, all your friends is... just us two then?"

"Something like that." Crowley leaned to get the bottle again, deliberately not looking at him. "More wine?"

87. Get drunk (again).

"Wouldn't it be nice if we could just stay like this?" Crowley waved his glass a little carelessly, spilling a large quantity of red wine. This might have caused a nasty stain if it hadn't turned to water before it hit the floor.

Aziraphale did his best to focus on him. "Like what?"

"Drunk. Just fuzzy around the edges," Crowley said. "Just keep on drinking before it could wear off."

"For how long?" Aziraphale tried to sit a little more straight in his chair. His body appeared to want to slump instead.

"Just until the world ended." Crowley's tone was casual, as though it were a perfectly sensible suggestion. "Just... until it was over. We'd never know that way."

"Mmm." Aziraphale looked at him carefully. Even under the influence of... how many glasses was it now? - it was easy to read the stress under that casual look. "I don't think we can though," he said gently. "They'd notice."

"I know." Crowley stared into his glass of wine. "I wish I didn't."

88. Confess drunkenly.

"'ziraphale?"

"Mmm?" Aziraphale raised his head off his arms to peer at Crowley through bleary eyes.

"Jus' wan'ed you to know." Crowley patted his arm with the urgency of a drunk who had something important to say as soon as he could remember how to work his mouth. "You... needed you t' know that..."

Aziraphale waited patiently, watching him stumble over the words. Crowley's confessions could be anything from "I just destroyed one of the Wonders of the World because I was bored" to "I just broke an office's only tea machine right before a major emergency" and were usually related with a certain amount of glee. You just had to wait and see what came.

"Wan'ed you t'know that if, if the world's got to end, there's no-one I'd rath'r see it end with," Crowley managed eventually, and took another mouthful of wine.

Aziraphale's expression softened."That's good to know," he replied solemnly, blinking rapidly in a way that was certainly due to the room rotating around him rather than anything else. "You're... you're a good demon to have around.

The demon's expression abruptly crumpled, as woeful as a child with an empty stocking on Christmas day."Don't want it to end though," he said mournfully. "Having too much fun."

And that was the problem with alcohol, wasn't it? That was why you really couldn't just stay in a state of continual drunkeness until the world ended. Sooner or late you hit the melancholy stage. Aziraphale sighed, but didn't suggest that Crowley should sober up, slipping an arm around the demon's shoulder. He felt Crowley sag against him, head leaning against his shoulder, needing the comfort of someone close by.

Everyone needed that sometimes. Even demons.

89. Report to base.

It was morning when blue light filled the shop again, and Crowley seemed to have dozed off against Aziraphale's shoulder. That demon did like his sleep. Aziraphale moved him gently, shifting him back onto his own chair, and removing the alcohol from his bloodstream in a quick healing. Judging from what Crowley had thought of his first hangover, he wouldn't be in a hurry to experience a second.

There was a moment of nervousness before he decided that he wouldn't be in trouble even if the Powers That Be picked up on Crowley in the background. They had ordered him to fraternize with the enemy, they could barely blame him when he did as he was told.

Possibly they hadn't intended on quite so much wine being involved, but it wasn't his fault if they hadn't been specific.

"Aziraphale." That voice again, speaking as soon as he reached the light. "Have you made contact with the demon?"

"Er." Aziraphale glanced back to Crowley. "Yes?"

"And was he inclined to cooperate?"

"He can be difficult sometimes," Aziraphale hedged carefully. "And he doesn't always promise what you think he does." Put them off, put them off, buy more time. The more time Heaven was uncertain of Hell's co-operation, the more time they might have left to enjoy.

"But will he cooperate? Do we have Hell's cooperation?" the voice demanded impatiently.

"Uh..." Crowley seemed to be asleep still. Aziraphale licked dry lips. "I don't think we can currently rely on him wanting to help us against the humans," he said carefully. "I would need a little more time if I were to convince him it was to be a good idea."

"Hmm." That didn't seem to please the voice. "But you think he can be persuaded?"

Again, careful wording was needed. "I think I can make him listen to me," Aziraphale said, and conscientiously added "sometimes."

There was a celestial sigh. "Well, do what you can."

"I'll talk to him," Aziraphale promised, glancing back at Crowley again. "I'll uh... I'll see what I can do."

"Do that. It is vital that Hell aids us in this."

"I... yes. Totally understand that. I'll see to it."

The blue light had faded out again, and Aziraphale was moving to sit back down before he realised that Crowley's eyes were open behind his sunglasses.

"Very good," the demon drawled, sounding more than a little amused. "You know, I'm sure I'm a bad influence on you."

Aziraphale flushed guiltily. "I didn't lie!"

"Yes, I noticed that," Crowley agreed. "You were very careful not to lie."

"It was... well." Aziraphale shrugged and sat down, still uncomfortably pink. "It was necessary."

"I know." Crowley looked at him over the top of his sunglasses for a moment, serious again. "It won't work forever, you know."

"I know." Aziraphale grimaced, then forced a smile. "Still, I had to put it off a bit. We have ten more items to go yet!"

90. Take Aziraphale ice-skating.

"You're good at this." Aziraphale clung to the rail, certain that the moment he released it his feet would no longer be under him.

"It's just a matter of arranging for the ice to be where your feet are." To Crowley that seemed obvious, and he skated backwards gracefully.

"And if people get in your way?" A young girl seemed on course to do just that, and Aziraphale lifted a hand, meaning to call a warning.

"They don't." And suddenly the girl was a foot to Crowley's left, skating on as though nothing had happened. He gave the angel a sharp grin. "Besides, I've had practice. We invented this. You think humans would invent something like this?"

"Well..." Aziraphale started, doubtfully. Humans did seem to invent most things when it came down to it.

"No," Crowley said flatly. "The first human that sees strange white stuff outside and decides to go play in it and jump around on suddenly hard water, that human freezes to death if it doesn't drown first. It isn't an experiment that does well on a trial and error basis. Ice-skating was invented because we had too many salesmen mounting up and weren't sure what to do with them. We figured we might as well freeze them and use them for something amusing."

"Salesmen?" Aziraphale raised his eyebrows, still holding tightly to the rail. "How long exactly have your lot been ice-skating? I'm sure humans can't have been selling that long."

"The first time a human realised that his dead cow had got a bit whiffy, and swapped some absolutely prime cow, honest mate, nothing wrong with it, for a bit of sheep, we got him," Crowley answered. "Of course, we also got the guy he swapped with as the sheep turned out to be basically lots of chopped up rats. It's what they're good at. They just moved from rats to double-glazing. And we moved with them."

"So, when you say a cold day in Hell..." Aziraphale said slowly.

"That isn't all that infrequent," Crowley agreed. "And a snowball can have quite a good chance in certain places. Until it gets thrown." He drew alongside Aziraphale, nudging at him impatiently. "Are you coming to ice skate, or just standing there? It's perfectly easy."

Reluctantly, Aziraphale let go, wobbling as he edged out into the ice. "If I fall..."

It was a statement that made Crowley laugh. "Somehow that's always been more my problem than yours."

91. Practice sword-fighting

"How can you be bad at sword-fighting? You had a flaming sword! Surely you knew how to use it?"

"Well, they never actually gave lessons as such," Aziraphale admitted. "It was more like 'here is your flaming sword, go and stand at the gate and look impressive now, we'll call you when we want you back here'."

Crowley stared as the angel waved the sword in his hand in a manner more like an old woman waving an umbrella than someone intending to inflict serious stabbing or anyone. "But what if you'd had to fight someone?"

"Fight who? There were only the two humans, and it wasn't as though anyone gave them weapons. What were they going to do, throw rocks at me? Prod me with a stick?"

"You gave them a weapon though," Crowley pointed out, quietly.

"Well, yes." Aziraphale flushed, still a little guilty about that even after all these centuries. "They needed it. And I knew they didn't want to fight me."

"They still don't want to. But this time, I don't think they get a choice." Crowley prodded him lightly with the tip of his own blade. "Better learn how to use that thing, angel. This time you might actually need to fight with it.

92. Write some horoscopes.

"You're going to write some horoscopes," one of the visitors instructed firmly. "Are you ready?"

"Er..." Meg was used to making up horoscopes between sniggering over letters to her 'agony aunt' persona. Having two well-dressed gentlemen somehow get past the security downstairs and invade her office to write them for her was not how it usually went.

"You'll need your keyboard," the dark-haired one pointed out, and snapped his fingers. Dazedly, Meg watched her hands reach out, straightening the keyboard and opening a new word document. It seemed they knew what to do anyway.

"Tell them that this is not a period in which time should be wasted," the blonde one instructed. "Tell them not to hold onto grudges, to make up any arguments, to love each other..."

"...to have sex..." the other one interjected.

"Crowley!" The blonde one turned to glare at him.

"What?" Crowley lifted his hands defensively. "I'm telling them to do what they enjoy, Aziraphale. They enjoy sex. Dirty, naughty, often adulterous sex. And it's not as though they're likely to be around long enough to be sorry about it."

"Yes, but afterwards..." Aziraphale started to protest.

"Afterwards, then what? You think that if we win your lot will still be providing a perfect haven for them if they're been good? Or that they'll take it after you've been waging war on them?" Crowley raised his eyebrows. "These are, one way or another, the last days. They might as well have fun."

"Fine," Aziraphale surrendered. "Leave that in. Just tell them to be happy. Being happy is good."

"Right." Some far corner of Meg's mind was sure she should be screaming and running, but her body seemed to have it under control. She typed away obediently. "Uh, which star sign?"

Aziraphale didn't hesitate. "All of them."

93. Receive orders.

"You never play music any more in here," Aziraphale complained, fiddling with the knobs on Crowley's car stereo.

"Well, no, because..." Crowley started to explain, and winced as the radio cut him off.

"...if I swore you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?"

"I tried to make it play something other than Queen," he finished glumly. "Now I think it's developed a sense of humour."

"Can it do that?" Aziraphale went a little pink.

"Apparently so." He lifted a hand to turn it off, and froze, hand an inch from the knob as the music died away.

"CROWLEY?"

"Yes, lord," he said weakly. Ah yes. The other reason he'd been avoiding turning the radio on. The television too for that matter. That desperate little hope that if he made it hard to contact him, maybe they wouldn't bother, at least for a little while yet.

"IT'S HAS BEEN DIFFICULT TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU. YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AVOIDING US, HAVE YOU, CROWLEY?"

"No, lord." Crowley stared straight ahead, focusing on the road. "Been busy, lord. Sorry."

"GOOD. BECAUSE IF YOU WERE AVOIDING US, WE MIGHT HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK. THERE ARE A LOT OF DEMONS DOWN HERE WHO WOULD LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY AFTER YOUR LAST ESCAPADE. DEMONS WHO'D LIKE A WORD WITH YOU. IS THAT CLEAR, CROWLEY?"

"Yes, lord." Crowley's voice shook a little. Aziraphale looked at him sympathetically as his hands tightened on the steering wheel.

"HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO THE ANGEL?"

Crowley's eyes flicked sideways to glance at Aziraphale. "Yes, lord. I refused the alliance as ordered."

"AND HE SAID?"

"Er..." Crowley groped for words for a minute. It was hard to keep your cool when trying to spin an untruth which would likely go directly to the Father of Lies. "I think he had to go back for more orders, or something. Didn't have the authority to make any other offer on his own, he said."

"AND HAS HE RECEIVED MORE ORDERS?" the radio demanded, impatiently.

"Uh..." Again the quick desperate glance towards Aziraphale. "I think he might have, lord. I'll uh... I'll check, shall I?"

"DO THAT. AND MAKE A DEAL WITH HIM. WHATEVER DEAL YOU CAN GET." That he was to be allowed so much freedom somehow wasn't a comfort, not when it signified that they wanted things to move fast now. "AND DON'T THINK OF TRYING TO AVOID US AGAIN, CROWLEY. I EXPECT TO HEAR BACK FROM YOU WITHIN A WEEK. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?"

Seven days. The world had been built within that time once. It had seemed an eternity then, but now it didn't feel like very long at all. "Understood, lord." And he and Aziraphale would work out a deal perhaps that would cost Heaven more than it enjoyed giving, and gave Hell less than it would have liked to get, and yet that would somehow give neither of them any comfort at all.

"A WEEK, CROWLEY," the radio warned again, and then switched seamlessly back to music "...don't make small talk, he said come out and say what's on your mind..."

94. Despair.

"Well, that's it." Crowley had pulled up on a side-road in the end. Driving fast and angry only helped if you could trust yourself to remember to move the pedestrians. Right now he wasn't sure that hitting someone hard wouldn't feel very good, and Aziraphale would object if he did. Better to pull up so he couldn't be tempted.

"We could just..." Aziraphale started, and faltered, able to think of nothing. "Well, there must be something we could do."

"Give in," Crowley said flatly. "That's what we can do. That's all we can do. This was something we were only ever going to be able to put off." He stared out of the window again, fingers tapping on the gearstick. "Think of whatever your side would give up for this stupid deal. I'll let them know it's accepted. At least they might let us work together a bit longer on it if they think we're the only ones who can get the other side to co-operate."

"Crowley," Aziraphale said gently.

"It should keep them happy, at least. Then there'll be the war, I suppose, and at least we'll be on the same side in that. Sort of. I wouldn't like to bet on how many friendly fire injuries either side can expect from that though. There'll be a few who end up with flaming swords in their backs at least."

"Crowley!" Aziraphale put his hand over the demon's, stopping the increasingly frantic tapping. "We've got a week yet. Let's at least say goodbye first, hmm? Seven days can be a long time."

"It can," Crowley agreed unhappily. "Or it can be nothing at all."

95. Dance to the Northern Lights.

"It's bloody cold."

"You never said that when you wanted me to ice-skate," Aziraphale noted.

"Well, it is. And my wings are tired. Are we nearly there yet?" Crowley complained.

"And you never got tired when we were flying to the space-shuttle," Aziraphale said. "It's amazing how much more energy you have when you want to misbehave."

That was acknowledged with a smirk. "Well, I don't see the point..."

"You'd see if you spent more time watching what the humans wonder at and less time watching what annoys them." Coming from Aziraphale, that almost qualified as a scolding. "Everything of your fancy computers, motorways and email, and none of this."

"You're one to talk," Crowley protested. "How many nights have you lost reading books rather than sticking your nose outside?"

Aziraphale shrugged that point off. "The point is, this is something you need to see. We need to see."

"What is?" Crowley asked, still skeptical.

"This..." Aziraphale beat his wings, rising over the brow of the steep snow-covered slope, then gestured. "There!"

Ahead of them the sky was lit; painted in brilliant reds, greens, violets and oranges. The colours swirled and tumbled in a breath-taking display, dancing before them. It was silent glory, the veil of Heaven moving in time to the breath of the divine.

"Bit tacky if you ask me," Crowley said dubiously, but Aziraphale saw his eyes widen, heard the slight catch in the demon's voice, and smiled.

"Come on," he gestured, gliding forward, beckoning to Crowley.

"What, you want to try Lord of the Dance again? Here?"

Aziraphale only laughed, and opened his wings wider. A moment later Crowley capitulated, doing the same.

Together the pair swooped and soared through the air, dancing as only angels and demons can, at the heart of the aurora borealis, their wings made rainbow fire and phoenix bright against the night and an ocean of stars. Their wings were the heartbeat of the sky and they were blazing meteor bright in the darkness before the dawn.

96. Find out what noise a tree makes when it falls with no-one to hear it.

"This isn't a good idea."

"Ngh."

"You know it's not a good idea."

Crowley ignored him, face twisted into a grimace of concentration as he stared at the Tree of Knowledge. It might have moved another millimetre.

"Crowley..."

Another fraction and then his focus went. The tree stood steady once again. Annoyed, he turned on Aziraphale. "Can't you see I'm trying to concentrate?"

"Yes. I can." Aziraphale agreed. "What I can't see is why. Why are you doing this, Crowley?"

"I told you I was going to knock a tree down to see what sound it made!"

"Yes, but not this tree. Why this tree?" A gentle hand rested on Crowley's shoulder. "You know, they won't ignore this. Can't ignore this."

"I don't really think that matters at this point," Crowley said bitterly, turning to stare at the tree once more. "There's a limit to how much they can do."

"You're not giving me the why," Aziraphale noted. "Come on, Crowley. Any tree but this."

"No! It has to be this tree!" Crowley snapped. "It has to be this tree because I'm not doing this again! They can't just wipe everything out and then replace it like a... a toy that got broken! If they want to destroy this, scrub it all out, then that's fine but I'm not letting them start again. If there's no Tree of Knowledge left then they can't make me tempt anyone with fruit again. No fruit, no free will, and either they live with the toy they've got or they break it and cope without it. I'm not... this isn't replaceable. None of it - the Bentley, your books, the... the world!"

Aziraphale stepped back, surprised at the strength of fury in the demon's voice.

"I'm not letting them pretend it never existed, just because it doesn't work exactly the way they want it to! If free will wasn't meant to mean they acted as people didn't expect them to, then what was the point of letting them have it in the first place?" Crowley demanded. "He said that wasn't fair, and the answer to them working that out can't just be to destroy it."

"It's ineffable," Aziraphale said softly, reaching instinctively for that answer.

"Then make it effable! It's a world, not a puppy you can get rid of because it peed on the carpet!"

"I thought you'd decided we couldn't stop this?"

"I have! We can't! They'll... replant it anyway, remake it, do whatever they need to. But..." Crowley was trembling, and this time didn't protest when Aziraphale reached for him. "How can we just let this happen?"

"We can't. But we can't stop it." Warm arms enfolded him, steadied him, but there was little comfort Aziraphale could offer. "I'm sorry, Crowley. But this won't help."

97. Have lunch at a small picturesque cafe in Tadfield.

"What do you think the attack move will be?" Crowley picked half-heartedly at his scone.

Aziraphale shrugged. "Floods? They've used floods before." He heaped clotted cream and jam onto his scone, then stared at it, struggling to find an appetite.

"Rain and rain and rain and..." Crowley looked at the water drizzling down the cafe windows and grimaced. "How would you tell?"

"Maybe you wouldn't. Maybe that's the point." Just rain, falling and falling until the floodwaters rose and covered the face of the earth and left... nothing. Aziraphale shuddered, and pushed his plate to one side, getting to his feet. "Come on. It's time to go."

98. Say goodbye.

The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Spawn of Satan and so on did not look as though he were preparing for war. He looked rather like a small boy playing fetch with his dog in fact.

"Maybe he's planning?" Aziraphale said hopefully. "Maybe that's a distraction for what he's actually doing, which is preparing some way to avert the war that could wipe out the entire world?"

"Do you really think so?" Crowley asked flatly. "Because I think he just hasn't got a clue what's about to hit them."

The angel deflated. "No," he admitted mournfully. "I really don't."

"Well, we're about to tell an eleven year old boy who is completely unprepared to prepare an army against... well. Us," Crowley murmured, as Dog saw them and came over to sniff at them suspiciously. "How quickly they grow up, huh?"

99. Explain.

It took a while to explain. Long enough for them to get back to the cafe, and for Adam to drink his way thoughtfully through two chocolate milkshakes as he listened.

"So," he said, when the whole tale was finished, frowning in a way that might have looked a little bit more serious had he not been wearing a chocolate moustache. "What does wheat ice cream taste like?"

Crowley gaped. "What does - it tastes like wheat. You do realise I've just told you that you're about to enter a war?"

"Yeah," Adam nodded. "And it was important enough to you to find out what wheat ice cream tasted like first, before it started. So I reckon, I'd like to do that too. And I reckon I'd like a look at that Northern Lights thing. That sounds like it could be good."

Crowley turned to Aziraphale despairingly. "The world is going to end and he wants to eat ice cream."

"Yes," Aziraphale agreed. "I'd say he's about as insane as you are."

"Aren't you going to stop it?" Crowley demanded hopefully. "Or at least... at least get ready?"

Adam slurped on what was left of the milkshake, hoovering up the bottom of the glass. "Why did you say you guys couldn't do anything about it again?" he asked innocently.

"Free will?" Aziraphale said. "It's just... it's not possible for an angel or a demon to have it. We don't have the power to do anything. Except what Heaven or Hell order us to do."

"Yeah?" The boy's eyes were on Crowley now, far more knowing than any eleven year old's had a right to be.

Crowley swallowed. "Yeah..." he said awkwardly. "About that. It uh... it looks as though we might have more free will than we previously thought. As much as we want in fact. All of it."

The angel's eyes went immediately to Adam. "You changed us?" he said accusingly.

"No," said Crowley. "It turns out we somehow changed ourselves."

"With the fruit?" Aziraphale looked bewildered still.

"No," Crowley said. "With... with being, I think. I was meaning to tell you, but it's complicated."

"No, 's not," Adam contradicted. "You have free will to make choices 'cause you made choices. Seems perfectly simple to me."

"So are we human now?" Aziraphale examined his hand as though expecting to find it different, changed.

Crowley shook his head. "Not last I checked. Humans don't have wings, Aziraphale."

"But you can't be angels and demons 'cause you have free will." Adam regarded them placidly. "I reckon you're an Aziraphale. And you're a Crowley. And I think that's basic'ly all."

"Right." Crowley stared at him for a moment as though waiting for more. Nothing seemed to be forthcoming. "Well, that's very nice, but I really don't see how it helps anything..."

"Wait," Aziraphale interrupted. The angel was frowning deeply, still looking thoughtful. "You're saying... we're not an angel and demon any more. We're not under anyone's authority?"

That stopped Crowley. "Don't be stupid. Of course we are. You heard them on my radio, and you have..." he waved a hand. "You have your light thing. Keeps reappearing."

"Yes, but that's just someone telling us what to do," Aziraphale sounded excited now. "Free will means that we don't actually have to do it. There's no authority. They can't call you home, because unless you're a demon, Hell wouldn't be home."

"And Heaven wouldn't be home for anyone but an angel," Crowley said meaningfully.

It took a moment for that to sink in, but when it did Aziraphale only grimaced for a moment, dismissing it with a shake of his head. It obviously wasn’t as terrible a thought as he believed. "Well. It wasn't as though I was ever going to be any good if I actually had to use a sword anyway."

"If you want to stay here, I don't see how anyone can stop you," Adam said reflectively. "Not if you don't belong to anyone. If you've got the power to choose what you do, I reckon you can choose to stay here. If you want to, of course. I wouldn't go makin' anyone stay here, not if they didn't want to."

"But that still doesn't stop the war," Crowley said slowly. "I mean, it helps us, but I don't see that it helps much if the place we're staying won't exist any more soon anyway."

"We're not really all that important," Aziraphale agreed, excitement quickly dissipating. "This is bigger than us. Two... well, two whatever we are now couldn't make a difference."

Adam shrugged. "Two of us do, all the time. Seems to me, you've been expectin' it an awful long time of people if you don't think it's actually possible after all. Seems to me, the first thing you ought to put on a list of things to do before the world ends is stoppin' it."

"It's different," Aziraphale started to explain. "You can't expect Heaven and Hell to just..."

Crowley though was mulling things over in his head. "Silly idea," he said slowly. "Insane idea. But... what would happen if we two didn't forge an alliance between Heaven and Hell?"

"Well, obviously, they would just start to work around us, and..." Aziraphale started, and broke off, starting to smile. "No. They wouldn't, would they?"

"Hell would demand... everything, because it saw your lot in a position of weakness. Your lot would say no. Hell would threaten to refuse to help. There'd be talk of smiting somewhere along the way..." Crowley was grinning now. "Talks would break down, and start, and break down again. Our lot would lie, and deceive, and break promises..."

"Heaven would accuse them of lying, even when they weren't..." Aziraphale joined in. "It's really not in their nature to work together, is it?"

"I think for it to be in their nature, they'd have to be able to look beyond absolute good and absolute evil," Crowley confirmed. "And to do that... they'd need free will."

"Is that right?" Suddenly anxious, Aziraphale looked back at Adam.

The boy had been studiously examining the half-millimetre he had left of milkshake. He looked up, startled by the question. "I dunno. I don't think you get to know if anything is right until you actually try it. I think that's how you find out."

"So, how do we know if it's wrong?" Aziraphale demanded, voice taking on a frantic tone.

"We guess." It was such a serious thing, but suddenly Crowley was laughing; shaky, relieved laughter because this was amazing, and terrifying, and it worked. "That's it, isn't it? We guess, and we make it up, and we get it wrong and get it right, just like everyone else we've been messing with all these centuries. Just like everyone else with free will."

Adam grinned and placed his glass back on the table. "You'll work it out, I reckon," he pronounced. "Most people do in the end."

100. Stop it.

They drove back in the Bentley, chatting and laughing with the lightness of two people who had discovered that their souls were in fact their own. Crowley didn't talk about what Aziraphale should do the next time blue light shone into his shop, and Aziraphale didn't ask what Crowley would say if someone spoke through his car radio. Some subjects were still off-limits, and there was no question that the next few weeks were likely to be difficult.

But at least now there was a chance that there might be a 'next few weeks'. And months. And years.

When the car radio played 'Heaven must be missing an angel', neither of them turned it off.



~end~



Happy Holidays, caitirin, from your Secret Writer!

Part 1
Part 2

Comments

[meredydd.livejournal.com]

*agog* WOW. That was epic and amazing and wow. Just...wow. I'm so blown away by how true the characters seemed and the witty writing... *applauds wildly*

[secret-kracken.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[prestissima.livejournal.com]

Oh...gnh...er...wow. Wow. To use your words, it is amazing, terrifying, and it works. Wow. I need to er...stagger away for a moment and let myself reflect on how your story wrapped me in arms of hope.

[secret-kracken.livejournal.com]

Hope is always a good thing to show someone. Thank you!

[wintercreek]

Having trailed my remarks like breadcrumbs over the previous posts, it's final comment time! *cracks knuckles*

Oh, the whole Titanic scene. Lovely. Ineffable.

Aziraphale clung to the rail, certain that the moment he released it his feet would no longer be under him.

Me too, Aziraphale. Me too.

Their wings were the heartbeat of the sky and they were blazing meteor bright in the darkness before the dawn.

Please be foreshadowing.

"We guess." It was such a serious thing, but suddenly Crowley was laughing; shaky, relieved laughter because this was amazing, and terrifying, and it worked. "That's it, isn't it? We guess, and we make it up, and we get it wrong and get it right, just like everyone else we've been messing with all these centuries. Just like everyone else with free will."

Wheeeee! Not only are humans capable of great acts of hatred and of grace, they're also capable of great wisdom as well. I love Adam slyly leading them to the inevitable conclusion, and building on Father Butters's wisdom to boot.

---

This whole work is just lovely - it has the humor and the moments of seriousness and the poignancy of the book, all shaped in to a new form. Stunning work! And, in conclusion, <3 <3 <3.

[secret-kracken.livejournal.com]

The joy of free will is being allowed to try. And sometimes to screw up:-) They needed it.

Thank you very much! Detailed comments just rock.

[lanenk.livejournal.com]

That was epic! and Wonderful! I loved how well it flowed. It started out kind of whimsicle and then the plot really picked up .. I thought it had a lot of the same feel as the book. I really want to quote my favorite bits back to you but If I started I would be writing for hours.
<3

[secret-kracken.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

[sticktothestory.livejournal.com]

I love this, so very well-written and entertaining, with absolutely perfect characterisation. You're brilliant at both funny and serious, and at interweaving the two.

The scene in Eden, Crowley sneaking Aziraphale the apples in a homemade cake, number 96! Replacing Queen with Meat Loaf, and all the songs that came after. Crowley's cynicism about the flaming swords in the backs of allies. The way you compared Crowley's conscience awakening to a numbed limb coming back to life. Crowley being harassed by the secret agents, Adam frowning with a chocolate moustache - or the whole scene with Adam, for that matter. How you used the Dylan Thomas quote. The way plot and theme supported and enhanced each other!

And this observation: It had been the flaw in pointing out that perhaps the Apocalypse as it had been written might not be Ineffable. It left things right open for Heaven or Hell to say, in that case... what we do now cannot be wrong.

Oh, and my favourite line: reluctantly going along with the trip down memory lane as if he was going to be mugged in some dim alleyway of recollection.

[secret-kracken.livejournal.com]

I swear, after a while the radio joined in my game with the songs. I hadn't heard if I said you had a beautiful body for YEARS until it came on. I had a splutterfit, and obviously had to include it.

And I love Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night. It needed to be used!

(And thanks!)

[secret-kracken.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

(And I couldn't let Crowley have it all his own way, now could I?;-)

[todd-fan.livejournal.com]

"He always looked a bit like Captain Birdseye to me,"
Yes, yes he DOES.

That was so well written, I adored it ans all three parts are in my memories, well done!

[secret-kracken.livejournal.com]

I've had a running theory for years that the reason they changed him in the ads was that he died on the Titanic ;-)

And thank you!

[colon-bracket.livejournal.com]

Oh! That was amazing. Utterly amazing!

(And Hallelujah is so very Crowley.)

[taiyou_to_tsuki.livejournal.com]

Absolutely stunning. The basic stuff is all down-pat; characterization and wittiness. On top of that... A lovely story with many different facets; a lot of humour and a decent amount of seriousness as well. A very emotional work that had me whimpering a little from time to time. ("Crowleyyy D:".)

I especially like the way this fic gradually kind of acquires a plot. The first part consists of seemingly random things on the list (oh Iceland)and after a while... Stuff happens. XP It was unexpected but excellently timed.

In the end, you even managed to reveal some great introspectiveness and throw Adam in there. Brilliant work; allow me to applaud you. :)

[quantum-witch.livejournal.com]

Setting a clown on fire. Making Aziraphale steal internet service. Parseltongue. Flying through the aurora borealis. I love it.

But I love even more that the obvious finally gets pointed out to them - that they have had free will for ages :)

Thank you for a lovely, lovely story, told in such a clever way.

[edna-blackadder.livejournal.com]

Oh, I was waiting for Adam to come in, and his appearance was so worth it! And that Northern lights scene was so beautiful!

This is just wonderful -- no words, really. So epic, and more importantly, so perfectly them.

[andremeese.livejournal.com]

I... WOW. This is incredible! It's clever and funny and everything Good Omens was meant to be, and I loved every moment of it!

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

Oh my... That was amazing. ^_^

101. Have celebratory snog with angel? *looks innocent*

[jemariel.livejournal.com]

LOVE.

[the-leechwife.livejournal.com]

That was so absorbing, I was shamefully dismissive when I saw the format but after about two seconds I was captive! I just love the way you structured it, it knocked me right off my fanfic high horse.
I especially enjoyed the bit on the Titanic, you give such a sense of the absolute quite down there and the uncanny presence of Aziraphale and Crowley in such a place.

[antennapedia.livejournal.com]

Reading this made me feel so happy and satisfied. Chewy, plotty, funny, touching, in tune with the source material yet feeling free enough to wander off from it: just great stuff.

[caitirin.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was so incredibly amazing :} I enjoyed it over several days and it was like... soaking in a hot bubble bath it was so wonderful. Your beautiful mix of humor and plot and fluff was FANTASTIC!

Thank you SO much for this WONDERFUL gift!! It was beyond fantastic!!

[sloopjonb.livejournal.com]

I do not, normally, care much for fanfic.

I cared very much for this. Very much indeed. And just a bit jealous.

[dave-t-lurker.livejournal.com]

Pointed here by caitirin.

I'm not usually a fanfic fan, but this was bloody good. Bravo.

100 things

[ravenpan.livejournal.com]

Aww, this was so much fun, th entirety of it! I loved seeing the little vignettes - the HP reference giggled me muchly - and the sundering then re-molding of the duo that is Crowley and Aziraphale! I especially loved your priest in this fic XD

[erinptah]

This was fantastic.

I came into it expecting it to be a sort of slapsticky list-y thing, and then it had continuity, and then it had plot, and then the plot thickened, and it was thoughtful and touching and funny and clever and . . . wow. Just wow.

Adam reminds me of Dorothy Gale, oddly enough.

And, yeah. This was pretty much perfect.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

Here via a rec, and my mind is blown by this brilliantly written and wonderfully structured fic. It's fascinating and gorgeous!

[random-c.livejournal.com]

Now *that* is an ending.

[kittykatkatja.livejournal.com]

So good! I'm in tears, beautiful ending.

[eyeconic.livejournal.com]

Fantastic!

[robling-t.livejournal.com]

*picks jaw up off floor* Simply... wow. (And wouldn't you know, iTunes has been running through most of the Queen it knows as I read this... ;) )

[hawkshadow.livejournal.com]

Wow! That was a well told story. Now I've got to go read Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's story.

[loucheroo.livejournal.com]

I often ignore fanfic. Nothing against it, just generally not my thing...

but this? I... wow. You've taken my favorite book and given me MORE.

So beautiful and PERFECT. I could truly see them doing these exact things... *sigh of happy*

[uofirob.livejournal.com]

This was very very good :) Bravo!

[theladyhel.livejournal.com]

That was just perfect. I spent today reading it and not doing the decorating and it was just....lovely. I can't think of a more eloqent way of saying it. But it was. so, um, thanks for posting it!

[wyvernfriend.livejournal.com]

weeks ago a friend recommended I try this, they were very right. This is very good and reflects the original well.

[lillypuff.livejournal.com]

Wow. Simply amazing. I'm honestly at a loss for words. *Mems like woah*

[ladymouse2.livejournal.com]

I ate this lovely long, meaty tale savoring bite after bite and was unhappy when it was all gone. Forgive my taking so long to post on a long story. I love them best but then they're hard to characterize in a short post. I'd be quoting every line!

Crowley excusing the financial disaster by saying the run was only on a little bank; Aziraphale's dumbfounded repetition >“You set him on fire, Crowley. You set the clown on fire!“<;the pair of them giggling like school boys over the knock and run games with the space shuttle, >They very nearly declared war on a country whose entire military force consists of a few lifeboats.”<; >“Angel delight,” Crowley said cheerfully. “Made with real angels!”<; >World’s most dangerous penis extension”<...

And then amid those endless, endearing and ever increasingly tenderly sad meals in little cafes in remote places, it got serious.

>with a disappointment that pricked a conscience Crowley hadn't realized he had any more. It was oddly like a numbed limb coming back to life with the unsettling sensation of pins and needles.<

The whole two scene with a wonderfully wise, brave and gentle priest (the religious tend to come off poorly in GO fic, how refreshing to have a decent one explain free will to a demon)

And an angel’s forgiveness AND epiphany >It turned out that being forgiven felt a lot like suddenly being rid of the stomach ache that you hadn't been really conscious of until that point.<

Then some much needed return to humor >The mass seethed, and seemed to try to actually pull itself out of the bowl. Aziraphale tried not to shudder. "Can you imagine ever actually eating it?"
"Maybe not." Crowley looked reflective. "Maybe I'll keep it as a pet."< Sentient fruitcake! I always suspected…

Then back to serious:
>Because they were humans, Crowley thought, but did not say. Because I gave them human arrogance, which stopped them putting enough lifeboats on the ship; human pride which stopped anyone admitting that was a problem; human selfishness which made them panic and fight and squabble over the life boats they had.

And you... you gave them the kindness and unselfishness that made a man give up his place on the boat for a child, and yet that is enough to give you the hope that they are redeemable. He sighed, glancing at Aziraphale's face, and then looked away.<

And the whole section on ice cream

And down to Adam’s perfectly wonderfully prosaic >"But you can't be angels and demons 'cause you have free will." Adam regarded them placidly. "I reckon you're an Aziraphale. And you're a Crowley. And I think that's basic'ly all."<

And the way they found THE “loophole” and… and…

Never mind, this is probably already too long to post and I’ll have to do it in two.

Let me put it this way, I have copied this, formatted and printed it out. To put in a binder where I keep special fan stories. To Keep.

[sirius-luva.livejournal.com]

I agree completely with you (and I also loved the computer bits, and basically EVERYTHING) and I think I'll take a leaf out of your book and print this out. XP

[wistfuljane.livejournal.com]

This was hilarious and just so made of awesome! There's many moments I love, but I think my top two would have to be the duck scene with only Crowley and the confession scene with Crowley and the priest. *gives priest a medal* I can see him having more confession sessions with Crowley after all this is over.

[flo-nelja.livejournal.com]

It's superb.
The characterization is flawless.
There were hilarious moments. There were very moving ones. The part with the priest. The one when Crowley tries to destroy the tree of knowledge. A lot of others.
And the construction ! A lot of little scenes which make a very good plot !
I don't know how to make the ending go with my personal canon - I'd like to say it's still part of the ineffable plan, but there's free will, and if it was, it would go again the spirit of the story... maybe God was all "I don't know how they'll manage, but they will" ?
I wonder how Crowley learned about the end of the world, too.

[sirius-luva.livejournal.com]

*jaw drops* WOW. I can't believe never found this until I saw it on a reclist. It is probably the best GO fic I've ever read. The list was a unique way if writing, and there was humour, and character, and wit, and.. oh Someone, I kept laughing out loud and freaking out the guy next to me, and then I kept trying to choke back tears, and laughed and cried again, and grinned knowingly (Poor Father Butters. But he was really smart, I must say).

And the plot... *sigh* As I said, the list was a refreshing new way of writing, and the coming Apocalypse... well, for a kid, Adam sure is intelligent! And Heaven and Hell really are useless without Crowley and Aziraphale. *eye roll*

In Literature today we got two poems about Eden, and were discussing it, and I was smirking a bit and thinking about ineffability, although I didn't say anything about that because one of my Catholic friends already got all huffy when I talked about evolution. And he wasn't very happy when I pointed out that it was ego, plain and simple, that made people angry to think of themselves as storytelling apes. That aside. How exactly did they (Crowley and Aziraphale in this fic) get to Eden?

I don't think that even an Aziraphale and a Crowley can do anything if Himself really decides to end the world. But until then, they can prolong it a bit. This was unique, witty, smooth, laugh-out-loud hilarious, touching, heartfelt, sad, thought-provoking, and absolutely beautiful.

[ashbaria.livejournal.com]

I LOVE THIS!!! <33
It's so beautiful, and they're so in-character...and so perfectly complimentary without going sappy.
(but when it's sappy, it's the *right kind* XD)

Thanks for a gorgeous read!!! <33